.




...............................backtracking




.

old write.
still holds true.

him- 'i want to..somehow..i care for you but..i.....
.........don't say it don't say it don't say it'

u clamp your lips shut, as if to pry them open, even slightly,
will reveal all.

i find it amusing that your reaching the epiphany about twice as fast i am.

the fact that you act as if it is about to slam into your face like an approaching train and you, sheltered behind crossed arms, refuse to take the blow.

the fact that you believe that to admit it, accept it, cherish it, wear it on your sleeve like your most prized medallion, is weakness.

the fact that you have never said it to anyone else ever before.

the fact that it's only.three.words.
three words.

your slightest look will easily unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers
-somewhere i have never, by e.e cummings.

it is SO hard to really get to you.
you never let your guard down and
yet you claim you're on our side.
you+me=ours, you said.
yet i don't know you. i don't know your side.



you claim you're on my side.
understandable,as i have done nothing but to lay myself bare to you,
to judge or to condemn, to hurt or to heal.


and when i lay bare crying, i can see the tears pool up in your eyes.
and when i rage as if blistering shrapnel, you still me, calm me down.
and when i am upset in you, and look away in quiet fury, you mouth those very same three words to me.


do you not think that i didn't see you?
do you not think that those words pierce every pore of my skin as soundlessly as if universe upon crystal universe erupted in a glass phial


soundless, but heard.

i hear you everytime.

But in this muddled chaos that you and i find ourselves in,

do you hear me?

what do u do when u move down from Number 1 to Not-a-priority-anymore?

heartbreak.