(so much more natural to record the Tragic.)

mom and S sang out alternate verses of kisi roz tum se mulaqat hogi 3 nights ago..could i ask for more bliss to hear her singing from behind the bathroom door while he poured out music through one end of his vocal chords and out the speaker phone on my cell?
or when he calls mom 'ammi' and abbu 'dad' and when miy dad actually asks me 'hows mubashir?, u are blessed to have him'
or when ammi says 'i think if we had picked out a guy ourselves, it would not have been better than you'

the end of the storyline. end of the tragic. if this s Allah's (Swt) reward for patience then i'd go through the two years trapped in my Vancouver cell with a smile on my lips and a wrinkle-free brow.
a little faith goes a longggggggggggggg longgggggggggg way...


is my Dadu-angel still watching over me? it feels like it.

older writings remind me of a more inspired eeda with moonbeams in her voice and starshine under heavy-lidded eyes... why did all of it die in
side despite the lyrics cascading off the wallpapered walls, women singing merry congrats to the bride when i feel like a giddy little child on the outside and stunned little girl on the inside?


23/24th July 2011- yet another move. 
24 B1 7th East Street, Karachi, Pakistan (1989)
to Jubail, Saudia Arabia (1) to Jubail, Saudia Arabia (2) to
24 B1 7th East Street, Karachi, Pakistan (1995) to
P-14/II 9th East street, Karachi, Pakistan ( 2000) to
W-44 Regatta Tripoli, Libya (2002) to
U.S {D.C, NY, N.J, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virgina}; (August-November 2006) to
W-44 Tripoli,Libya (November-December, 2006) to
P-14/11, Karachi, Pakistan. (December, 2006) to

V6P6L2 Vancouver, Canada (2007) to
L5M0H2 Toronto, Canada (July, 2009) to
M3J0A8 Toronto, Canada (November, 2009) to
L4Z4C7 Toronto, Canada (August, 2010) to
924 Focal (2011).
Home.

(until NY next year that is.)

a move every summer for the last 4/5 year, and numerous before. tiring....
i leave a little bit behind at every place I stay; that's why i remember houses..addresses,..they become the person i was at those places..
or maybe its the house itself that chooses the identity it likes, and keeps..even past when uve moved out.

i see the blank shutters in my old house and i see the old most recent eeda standing at the window sill; and i know EXACTLY how she's feeling and what she's thinking.

the new house hasn't chosen a 'me' yet. i don't know who to be or how to be or what identity to create.

in other events....
last day of class and last presentation--21st July 2011;
'you are the best group leader i have ever had' 'you bring people together..synchronize them in a way that is impossible' 'quality work..you speak so well' 'very well presented' 'you're leaving?! congratulations! i wish you the very best' 'you stayed behind class and taught me how to speak..thank you so much'
beautiful parting words..i want to change lives. i know i can.
end of 4 years of ....cannot capture essences in words...

oh. and 39 days to a Mrs.

milestones milestones milestones.

i erect graveyards of old me's and thread air cradles for the welcoming..

let it begin,begin,begin

-eeda

fairytale endings are tricky little things.

at what point does the fairytale end? when u sign the marriage contract and reality begins? what is the end of the forever?
i think its the time between first meet to the actual wedding. maybe the last night of the honeymoon. who knows?
maybe im being the dubious old me again and i nee to have cheenifaith.

that's the other thing. u get so engrossed with fine-tuning the details of your happy endings you start getting the E word (expectationsss) which kills relationships.
why am i hung up on the finer details? the proposal or lack of. the roses or lack of. when all the love love love is all there in the 4 am i miss u phone calls and the 10 am are u awake yet jaan messages?
smaller things in life eeda.

i had my first dholki on 2nd of july 2011. first public appearance by the boy and myself. got some really nice surprise compliments.
ruby k and other 'aunties' outspoken approval of him. why not? he's the stereotypical handsome fair-skinned gorgeous-smiled well-mannered goodboy. (i pick well. well no, he picked me but we can forget the order for a little bit)
interesting what muz bhai said.
'before i met him i used to think he was the lucky one to have you..now that i have met him i have to say ur the lucky one'

dunno how thats supposed to make me feel.

we signed and applied for the legal marriage license on july 4th. yes, every year america will celebrate with fireworks what is truly not hers, but ours. technically we can apply for a certificate of marriage with the documents and be legally married, but untechnically there's a tiny little portion that the maulvi and witness can optionally fill out if we have the religious ceremony. which we are.
less than. 35 days away.

oh gudness.
its funny how the dates lined up too. we met on the 5th, legal signing on the 4th, nikkah on the 3rd. in reverse order.

still seems like a peachy fuzz dream with maggots. wedding details are maggoty. preparing for a wedding alone is.....hell. dealing with a stubborn mom who insists u wear green when green has reminded u of nausea since u were 5 years old and have never worn green ur whole life...can get tricky.
and other details. but i push along. school S nikkah details clothes mine his and families exams papers in-laws moving houses applying for graduation paperwork finding videographer makeup artist ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i am swamped. no, swept away by lists and lists and lists running around like robotsquirrels in my mind.

all the poetry and romance seems to have leaked out of me; just tuning the fine details now.

enough vent-ation. more later,
and to those with the wishes and the love. thank u thank u thank u. its been an incredible 3 years and incredibly, this blog has all the details of it. :)
speaking of, i was thinking of proposing to my man. why not? he deserves something special in his life. i need ideas... help!? :)

love,
-eeda