intihaaa ho gaii..intizar ki..
ayee na kuch khabar...meray yaar ki.
yeh mujhayyyy hai yaqeen
bewafa woh naheeen.
phir wajah keya huee
intizar ki...

1 am randomness.
xo
-eeda

last time i checked, this was My life.

what? really? naww-uhh...... you're deceived child. it's anything but yours.

the only decision i'm allowed to take, is what subjects i choose. that too for a degree i don't want to do.

man seriousli? the only reason you're not letting me go to a friggin BBQ bein organised by a buncha hijabis is cuz ' u shud stay with us and have fun with us and be part of the family!'
stay at home and mope around more like.
and excuse me, but F*** your family. your husband more like. it's not exactly a family when the guy is either acting like my 15 yr old lemme-touch-u-up crush and the bully in high school who can't stop taunting me at every little chance he gets.
yeh, im talking about ur im-so-in-love-with-him significant other.

it makes me Nauseous.

she carries no sly comebacks
in her pocket,no shell on her back
-Stephanie Hemphill.

But that was old news. life teaches you many things.

dont you see? the more i want to run away from you guys, you keep me under absolute house-arrest. and that is me NOT exaggerating.i spent my entire term break babysitting your kids from 8 to 6.i cancelled ALL mi other plans. and you tell me, be part of the family.


maybe i really should prove them right and get drunk and whore around and get a nice 'screw you' tattoo round the back and a night in jail seducing up the policemen there.

i am going to Crackkkkk like an egg.
or wait, i'm going to go ON crack. like an egg.
or hm.something.

haha i sound so much like a teeny bopper whiner.

this ones for Gunther. remember about the stories that go untold? let me tell you a story that is a little too close for comfort let's just say.

so once upon a time there was a lil 5 year old who was as innocent as a brand new bar of Cadbury's chocolate. dont ask me how thats innocent.she had a Quran tutor, full darhi and all, who used to come to her place to teach her everyday.

Contrary to tradition, his way of greeting wasnt the salam/handshake, more like lemme-touch-u-bottom-up-thru-ur-shalwar-real-quick-with-no-one-watching.
Pretty much every day
till he eventually got fired, and not cause she'd told on him.
(and then there was this driver,and this uncle, and this and this and this.)

The girl still remembers. Traaaaummmmaaaa...bah.
That's just one of many many many stories.


and Rudolph had a very shiny nose....
like a light bulb.

ayeeeee mausam rangeelay suhanay..jeeya nahee manayy....la la la la la laaaa laaa laaa...

-no love lost,
eeda.
xo

i have been happiest
for i have been sane.
i am too used to you
making me stand up again.

Adrift-ing

jaane tu ya..

yes. i FINALLI watched it.

Observations made...

sometimes. the person u say all the 'i love you's to, isnt the one you realli love.
because the person you really love, doesn't need to be told.
they need to be discovered.

point2. never marry a violent guy.

when there is no perfection, i will create perfection. i will make you my angel.i will dance to your tunes, and you shall be in love.

randomness and poetic-ness aside, prettyyyyy sweet movie...definitely worth one time watch..
:)

ehem.

struck a chord.
simple words.too true.

You always seem to obsess about the things you
can`t have, but when you have it, you don`t
appreciate it, and then you destroy it. When you lose
it, you want it back, but when it`s gone, you
can never seem to understand why you let it go.

They're ENDING Skypecasts!
AHH!!!!!!!!!!! TOO many memories!!!
*faints*

melodrama. tsk.

R.I.P
you shalt be missed...

...

4 hours in 48.

his patience with me continues to surprise me day after day...

so. how much wood can this woodchuck chuck?

yaarrrounnnnn
mujhay muaaaaaf rakho
mein nashay mein hooon....
-from some lame emo indian song.


who said babysitting kids was easy? :S:S:S

i.am.so.sore.
and they are SO hyper.
*grumble*


edit.


Hinbin says:
OMG
Hinbin says:
WTH
Hinbin says:
u wierdo
eeda says:
HAHAHAHAHA
eeda says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAA
Hinbin says:
i can make kissy faces at whomever i like.

for more details on this, see here.

bah.i still love u to itsie bitsies hinbin.
*schizo eye twitch*

..bought a laugh..

hokay so..

http://www.endofworld.net/

wtf mate.

insurgent

..cuz u hate that word.

The trouble about 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys'-
They're all Guys.

and now, the weird edited picture.



second- this one's all lyrics or lines of two or three.. gotta love those.

this one's for hairy hot-dogs.and jagjit singh.and for Milan.


''And though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head, (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,

I am no prophet-and here's no great matter;

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footmen hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.''

T.S Elliot says it much better than I ever could.

i am scared.out.of.my.mind.

and i miss you.

let.us.ascend.to.heaven.in.tip.toes.climbing.over.each.other's.backs.and.
chain.linking.our.arms.till.we.grow.old.and.we.grow.old.and.there.are.
daisy.wreaths.in.my.hair.and.lilies.on.my.waist.but.no.breath.and.no.air.
i.will.lie.smiling.and.sleep.gently.on.a.white.cloud.and.be.borne.away.
by.gossamer.wings.

there.are.too.many.stairs.to.heaven.

We're on a giant ferris wheel.
So close to heaven, I can feel.
-from Thebathroomgirl

The world forgetting..............
...................by the world forgot

It is said to be a wonder of the world.

Except that very few people ever wonder much about anything-
and are barely aware of the world.
-from Terry Practchett.

Your destiny is not some elusive thing.
-from Born Confused.
(reaahahahahhhlyy?)

All of your history has little to do with your face
You're mainly a mystery with violins filling in space.
-from a Love Song to a Stranger.

more to follow
(and to bore.)
-eeda

i love swings <3<3<3

major...

...emoness..


please make sure to disassociate yourself from this blog after reading this.

Someone recently,and very generously, decided to send me the criteria for finding prince charming.
too bad it was one of those lame-ass forwards that get passed around like a bad disease that noone wants to get.
The someone in question is a 14 year old lovey-dovey, head-in-the-clouds type (if she even has a head and its not all just feathers up there) cousin.
most paki young girls are like that.
i acutalli wasted 2 minutes of my life to read it. AND answer it.
here we go.


find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
countless times.

who calls back when you hang up on him.
within 5 minutes, even after one of the nastiest fights we had, which was all my fault.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
lost count.

wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
he's not here, but if he was, he would.

who wants to show off to the world when you are in ur sweats.
already has.

who holds your hand in front of his friends.
geographicalli challenged there.

who constantly reminds you about how much he cares for you.
check. and actions speak louder than words.

who turns to his friend's and says, that's her.
just did.


(we.live.in.a.world.of.denial.and.too.many,complexities.)


woohoo. so all i need is a kiss and hold-mi-hand-right-now-you-ugly-frog to make him my prince.
intttttttttttereeeeeshtingggggggg......
(not to say that he's a frog or ugly , to be fair)

and to think I've been going round convinced Prince Charming died of sheer sedentariness.(which according to dictionary.com is a word. Screw YOU spell-check!)
heck i don't believe the credibility of something that doesn't even recognize my name as a real word. well here's my passport to u,suckah! all official and shit too.

-moment of silence for Charming-

oh,and Mr.Right, and The One, and Honey Dearest, and Knight-in-shining-armor (they all died in a boat crash, except the last one who died due to over-exposure to toxins in silver polish.) and Ranjha and Romeo and Pannu and..hm..
it's funny how all of them DID die.Tragically.
think history teaches us a lesson through lore?

i have rambled WAY more than i should. lack of breakfast+lack of sleep +early morning unconcern for making sense can do that to u.

people with remedies apply here.

last note. it's funny how when you search prince charming on deviant.art, you get a photo album of Edward Cullen.

i need me some Cullen.

xo
-eeda.

Helpless.

Dad- I'm very sorry about your visa beta.
Me- but it's not your fault at all!


i can hear the pain in ur voice too baba...
u were never as amazing at being obscure as u think u are.

8 months and counting..

why so serious?

watched it watched it watched it watched it...YAY

i watched the dark knight.na na na na na na

awesomeeeeeeeeness in a movie man,...the beginning was a little like, realli???? after all i've heard about this movie, ur showing me way too many characters saying all this stuff that doesn't make sense? and then the ending kinda just rammed it home..very touching at more emotional/humane/intellectual level than the earlier movies, but definitely not as drop-dead sappy and i-love-youse'y like spider-man.... brilliant acting by ledger, but heck thats nothing new..i've sat thru his brokeback mountain...

( don't ask,took this English course called intro to fiction which i later realized was GROSSLY misnamed, and shud've been called intro to sex and the like in Literature...we ended up doing a book on a hermaphrodite, and the Brokeback novel and the movie, and coupla other,,ehem,.,,eye-opening novels..and it wasn't for lack of light in the room either),,.

going BACK to the original point, Brokeback was actually a very decent piece of acting,...leaving aside some of the rather..ehem, let's just uncomfortable scenes, to keep it as politically correct as possible.

but yeh..good movies good times.

its been raining hard lately. i went down to the western most part of the city, (which for all of u who probably don't know, is the outermost edge of the city) to look out over the North Pacific Ocean....u can see the city skyline on one side, mountains out on the other,,and a long wide stretch of the ocean in the middle.

it was POURING.
like pou oh shit ring.
i didn't take an umbrella.
stood there for an hour too. yay me.
got emo.happy.soaked to the bone.VERY cold.andddddd a nasty omg-im-sore fever to boot.
worth.every.little.rain.drop.

hm..i love rain..i love the smell of soil and trees and water and wet clothes and the sight of mad old couples holding hands under one umbrella and smiling sheepishly at each other. And surprise surpriseeee,,, as emo as it is, there WAS a couple there, and they WERE mad old. AND mad cute.

hm.all.i.need.is.drippy.drippy.day.to.make.me.smile.like.an.idiot.
singing.old.indian.songs.at.full.volume.and.sniffling.and.talking.to.drug.on.the.
fone.and.complaining.about.how.i.can't.feel.my.toes.anymore.

mad awesome.

speaking of which, i dunno what to do with him. i realli realli don't.

Question. is a 4 month, for lack of a better word, romance, worth friendships spanning over just over a year, or two years, or so on?..

hmm...

he drives me MAD sumtimes. so volatile. but then it reminds me that i am the exact same way, if not worse.very worse. times infinity.
i wish i cud record our conversations sumhow. he says the cutest things sometimes.

sub kuch seekha hum nay, na seekhi hosheeyari
such hai duniya waloun, ke hum hain anardhri.

ill marry whoever recognises where those lines are from.
if ur female, ill get a gender change too.
i know i know, doesn't my generosity continue to light a star up ur sky?


so ammi says- abu thinks we've given u too much freedom, u're out all the time, we dunno who with and gudnes knows ur doing whut..

yeh mum i went kayaking with a buncha hijabis, and then i volunteered 4 hours at our uni's sports section. and oh, went to the bank to make sure dad's tenant's rent passed thru and if THAT'S not horrific enuf, i treated my friend's to pizza!! SO WRONG! and the latest ive been home by is 10 pm and thats even when im staying along and have absolutely no fuckin one to answer to..i know i know, it's WAY worse than stripping at a club at 2 am being drunk, like omg! i have so broken your trust haven't i?

i have spent my entire life being someone i am not, and yet it is never good enough for them.
ha, isn't that everyone's story?

its sad that i came here so i could be me for once and for last.
aha aha aha. those who laugh last laugh hurtest.

emooooooooo ness. ehem. abologies!

sigh.
enuf rant..more than. its weird that when i do write after 3 or 4 days i spew out this whole buncha trash and nonsense that nobody gets thru, heck it, if i was nobody i wudn't either.
okay.so.i.kinda.sorta.lost.myself.on.that.one.
continue later.

-xo
eedaaa

wisdom.

armie says:
but...take thr risk. and ull learn the lesson..whatever happens ..good or bad.
armie says:
at least there wont be "what ifs"...or " i wish"s..
eeda says:
thts the best advice u cudve given me. :)

i love that girl to bits. one of the few i knw who got my back.
emonesss..

is wisdom going ahead with sumthing u know will end, but is worth the ride?
is wisdom deciding the fate before its even started?
i do not know if it'll end

hmm...

awesome weekend..awesome last 2 days..awesome you...
thank u for listening and forgiving, over and over and over again..

god i need sleep.

jaan.
eeda you're dunski.

free-dumb.

Exams are overrrrrrr!!!!!!!
i prolli failed accntng but oh well.
i went to Boston pizza with two of my closest friends.had a smashin' girly/confession time.
my mums camera and 2 cell phones got stolen in Karachi. by our maid.
the very same camera I had bought for them from Washington by own self 2 years ago, and it'd been with us through all of my U.S trip and all of europe and dubai and every single place we've been at.
same old crap realli.


but he says, ' i think i'm falling in love with you.'
and he says, 'i wouldnt be talking to you unless i thought i could marry you in the future.'
the two he's are not the same he's.
Confucius say. I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.
Eeda say. uh-oh. UH uh uh oh.
I'm confusedcius.

pal do pal ki kahani
to nahee?
-Tere Bina, by Arooj.

i need to stop giving in to you.

On that note, something else Confucius says-
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.


and rudolph was...
xoxo
-eeda

3 exams tomoro.
accounting 55%
kinesiology lecture 30%
kinesiology lab 15%
total chances of screwing up 100%

what's funny, is that it realli does add upto 100...

another 11:11
make a wish..

this weekend will be..interesting, if it was half as explosive as the last one.
im nervous, but i cant wait..

no regrets certainly.not yet.

Que sera, sera

Whatever will be, will be.
friggin need to stop worrying the shiate out of every darn thing..

that sounds alot like fatalism. if i am meant to pass the exam, ill pass the exam. who the hell needs to study for it?
with that being said, let's just go to sleep listening to corny songs from the 90's.
it's too hot to study.

Bliss

4000+ words email from best friend.
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
:D:D:D:D:D:D

i need to scratch out one or the other.
its a choice of who u want to hurt.

and because none of them are my everything,
in the end
there will be none.

Can it be otherwise in a world where nothing lasts, where all that we have loved or shall love must die?
-Henri Fredrick Amiel.

hush now.
i will murmur ballads into your ear of how
they came back and back and back again
they came crying and lying, they came to you begging to be urs
again and again and again
and how is it and why is it that it was only after they had failed you
and they had told you that it was
You
who had failed them.
they will not know why they came back, even when you
had already slunk away into the shadows into
the corners of your eyes into the tiny
holes in their minds.
how will you tell them then that you have found a new solace in a new
sun?
how will you tell them that you played by the rules
that were meant to be broken, because You wrote the rules. you wrote
the untouched and the shattered.
how will you tell them that you
loved them no more, that
the world had spun around and lost itself
a million times over in its
multitudes of intricate threads
that were born and are born
and fade into a nothingness with every passing
second.
and that new stars had shone a million times and that a
million new suns had gleamed every day since
they last went away
and that
it was all a little too late?

hush now, flow
on the clouds of a myriad blues
dewdrops of iridescent hues
and spin
in the embrace
of a gentle dream's glaze.
hush now and forget
every word that was said.


aahah..that took me 9 minutes and 20 seconds to write.
yay.
if only i cud write that in my accounting final and get a 100% in 10 minutes.
reality sux.

(EMO!)
-eeda.

edit..
Crack uloo says.

{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
CASTRATE BOTH THE M****F******!!!!!!!!

sorry Crack i changed ur words..hahahaa.
and that advice was..er...ermm...insightful?

and also, he thinks roachie decided to come back cuz the pharoah in egypt told him too..
let's leave it in Crack's exact words..

@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
'uske saath phass jao or i'll spank yo' candy ass with these mad rotten bandages yo'
eeda says:
wher the hell did that come from
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
pharaoh talking to roach na
eeda says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
mummified pharaoh na

i feel enlightened.

un-happy endin'.

Passport officials say.
we cannot proceed in your application without these email questionnaires requesting information required for further processing your immigration application.

Ammi says
yahan itni politics aur larai jhagra hai, behtar hai ke tum nahee ao.

They say
high chance of riots in Pakistan following the possibility of the President's impeachment and with the Independence Day celebrations.

He says
I don't want to sound selfish but i'd be happier if you didn't go.

I say

i wanna go home already. it's been too effing long

Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say.

You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say.
-from 'Say' by John Mayer.

I rest my case.
-xo
eeda

Kinesiology+Accounting+MESSED up sleeping pattern= massive headache.
and i only have 3 more days. Fudge!

It's going so right in such a wrong kind of way.


But that just sums you up perfectly, doesn't it?

chandni.

i love streetlights reflecting off water at night.
and i caught two 11:11's in a row.

star light star bright.
the first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have this wish i wish tonight.

Discover.Dream.Design.Destine.

ive finally figured out the why's of it. i just don't know the how-to's...

Summerish gibberish

point to note. my blog's resembling more of a love-struck/emo 15 year old kids with a fondness for that strawberry coloured font i randomli put in as well as corny lyrics from cornier songs.

another interesting observation number (*insert relevant number here*)
the number and degree of boobs seen is directly proportional to the level of heat.

let's just say it's been Hoooooooot here lately.

I speak for myself, as a straight/slight sense of decency loving creature, when i say that it is highly uncomfortable to be standing in a bus and look down to see sweaty, melon-look-alike ''things'' that no straight/slight sense of decency loving creature should see,especially while they're hot as hell and cramped into a bus with 40 other stinking sweating people and have been standing for the entire duration of the 40 0dd minute bus ride.

Now if you were a guy that'd be an entirely different scenario.
(probably swoon over and faint, and not just because of the heat.
and oh, while making sure u land on said woman's ''things''.)

-end rant-

i might not get to go see family after all. fuckin passport issues.
might.
yeh, it sux. i know.

exam tomoro. can't concentrate.

drug is leading me to exasperation. i think everything leading me to exasperation, except since he's the only human i talk to i put it all on him. not fair, but hell, life isn't either.

"What is that noise?"

The wind under the door.

"What is that noise now? What is the wind doing?"

Nothing again nothing.

"Do

"You know nothing? Do you see nothing? Do you remember

"Nothing?"

I remember

Those are pearls that were his eyes.

From 'The Wasteland' by T.S Elliot.

what i do remember of you is 3 months and 18 miles, 2 weeks and late-night talks. what i do remember is a i-m-too-scared-to-admit butimissyou, what i remember is a soft-blown kiss goodnight.

i remember the smell of your skin. i remember everything.
i remember all your moves. i remember you, yeh.
-Please forgive me, by Bryan Adams.

and Rudolph's a red-nosed reindeer who had a very shiny nose.
like a light bulb.

those that know me know about my infatuation with randomly singing that song when i have nothing to say.

if Rudolph was a man i'd marry him. red-nose and all.

People make mistakes, to make up, to break up
To wake up cold and lonely
And chill baby you know me, you love me, I'm like your homie
Insteada beefing come hold me, I promise I'm not a phony
Dont bounce baby, consol me, come here
-All I have, J.Lo.

Convince me.


and nowwwwwww.....back to the highlight for the remainder of my day, my Organizational Behaviour textbook.
yay for small delights.

(which reminds me of turkish delights which reminds me of Narnia. not that i'm fond of either')
im craving KitKat.

-xo
eeda.

new find.

didnt know deviant art did literature.
surprises are mostly almost kinda always good.

Until your spirit attaches robot wings and tries to lift your fingernails off, you have not understood yourself, and you’re not in the dictionary because you cannot be defined. And you must define yourself before you can allow yourself to be written down.

The lost and found is filled
with just lost.

by queen h rosie

some other amazingly vivid stuff.

inconsistent.

i have no relationships. i am a single lone starrrrr.

thats what i was very afraid of.

and again and again and again and again and again.




.

loose ends

Id been thinking for a while ( ...the last, 5 odd months ish?) that i needed to talk to Golf and kinda just..end things....not confront really, but like,..tie up the loopholes.
i talked to him tonight.
borrowed a coupla guys balls to do it too..
BIG ones.
baahhah

still feels like i have butterflies in my stomach.. not the pretty colourful kind... the mutant pit-bull/butterfly cross-breed experiment-gone-wrong types. prolli gnna make a hole and come out through the other side any second now.
dunno why i still get that feeling.
the conversation felt like i was wading through tar. dead end dead end dead end.

He said he stopped talking 'cuz he'd been busy, and had too many things to handle.

I understand actualli..100%. it'd b kinda nice if u had TOLD me that?!?! and dont tell me i had no right to be told or whatever, u'd told me that i was one of the most important people in ur life at the time.
i'm sorry, but That's how u treat someone u, quote unquote, 'love'?

thank Gudness we got that over and done with.
I actually pity ur wife-to-be, if that's how ur gnna act each time u get a promotion.

I didn't quite rant. I didn't quite yell. I didn't quite complain. But to just ask is to belittle, and it killled my ego.
He told me once he'd cure me of that. Here's a start.
Nad said i shud just do it and get it over with. SO my style. He was right. it's just one loose end of many, bt feels good.

Whatever. it's the End of another era. I can take out the bookmark and close this story now.

And now I lay me down to sleep.

It's Over. i dunno why it feels like that.
..so peaceful finalli.

xo
-eeda

I am the ice cube in your inferno.

So lost,

I can't tell where You end and I begin.

thanx deviant art for remarkably having every pictures of what i search for..

{Last line taken from 'If i never see your face again.' by Maroon 5.}

getting sick of this. i really am.

no more waiting up for u.

im sorry, now it's UR turn.


as to why i am avoiding the confrontation?
Zh. cudnt have said it better.

all of these soft marshmallow feelings that squish themselves between my hollow graham cracker-like stomach.-ZH sunday november 11 2007

Khalu was right. I fall too easy.

i need to get a life. Help!
Comment here to join and further the Anti-emo-movement. [as it pertains to me]
hardi har har.

sar dard.again.
Ack!!

-xo
eeda

i have something on my mind.
and its giving me a massive headache.
and i have no effin clue what the hell it is.










the wheels of her mind go round and round. round and round, round and round.
the wheels of her mind go round and friggin spinnning out of control hey hey..

Spiral.

why do u test my patience so much? or is it just my impatience.

Round and Round she goes.
Where she gonna stop, ain't nobody knows.

This teeter-totter can only take so much. it can only go so fast.
i'm counting the days to break-down.

break-down
Breaking-Dawn
cross Harry Potter with a Jane Austen/Mills and Boon novel..
yet to read it.
hmmm....

Nee arahee hai nee ja rahee hai
Vus khaday khaday muskura rahee hai,

(read with old school punjabi acccent)

i hate being undecided.

tu hi meri shab hai. subha hai.
tu hi din hai mera.

i'll tell 'em that when i get a F on my accounting. theek?


god im going to BOMB these finals.
me.
the irony.
aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

bach-ao!

awakening one-liners.

{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
here, you can have a typically ali one liner:
eeda says:
lets hear it.
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
oh well... what the hell
eeda says:
Hhahahaahah


SO something id say..except id put it as w.e
thinking of nicnames for ali..he doesn like 'my stalker'
ali baba and the chaalis chor.
aloo
alilujah
aliljia
a lil jia
a lil loola

after much consideration and intense deliberation, adalat is nateejay per pohonchee hai kai.
alilujah rocks...as a nicname.

vanity thy name is man too... :P

edit..he doesnt mind uloo either...my my , ur modesty kills me.

that's all for now from the 'encounters of a [VERY] weird kind'
later!
xo
-eeda

edit edit

{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
i dil it
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
all of it
eeda says:
HAHAHAHHA
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
<3
eeda says:
do u want that on the blog too?
eeda says:
chichora pana.
{@!i} Obvious, Oblivious says:
if you say so ;p

last edit-
thanx for the advice.. i needed to vent. :)

i miss home.

Really? u sure?

Emo post. i'm going to regret this later.

Do not give me titles yet.
I don't know if i can live up to them.
Not yet.

We don't see reality; rather we interpret what we see, and call it reality.

I hated it when people told me 'be careful of what you wish for, it might just happen.'
It seemed like such a paradox. u only wish for sumthing because u want it.
If anything, I'm biting my own tongue now.


I'm scared shitless to get into something like this. I don't know how much u expect. I don't know if I should back away. I don't know what u want. I dont know what I want.


You have every kind of wrong, and yet u haven't disappointed me once.
Why is it that you have yet to disappoint me? THAT scares me.
Is that just my female pessimism/on-the-defense/dissecting/over-analyzing/reading-into-things-too much speakin?

It's for all the wrong that there is no forever.
That sentence is only supposed to make sense to me.
Bah.*evil laugh.

Someone Please shut my brain off.

kuch na kaho. kuch bhi na kaho.

Im gnna quote sumthing i realli liked that i read on sanaa J's blog. hopefully she wont kill me for it.

" Such journeys have convinced me that it is not always possible to restore one's boundaries after they have been blurred and made permeable by a relationship: try as we might, we cannot reconstitute ourselves as the autonomous beings we previously imagined ourselves to be. Something of us is now outside, and something of the outside is now within us."-- From The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.

too much of everything within, certainly.

Ahaha..what's funny is that it was just in the last post i was talking about no ownership. well u've certainly gone against that one now, haven't you?

please don't let it be just flattery please don't.

kia masla hai. why do we take the fun out of everything? seriousli eeda, take a leap of faith. friggin run the plank and flyyyyy....
lame.

'And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us.'
-Pablo Neruda.
2425 miles. to be exact.

On the lighter side. this weekends been a Complete waste of time.
and i've hit a new level of hopeless-bum.
Yay.

hit the books. now-ish.

Bleargh

its saturday night. its the annual fireworks grand finale. the entire town and their mother and phupposs and their neighbor's grand-uncle's dogs are out.ALL except for me because my friends want to break the all-time-nerdo/good desi daughter level and stay at home with family
SHEESH.
i wish i HAD an excuse to be able to stay at home.the only thing stopping me is tht the show ends at 2 am, and aside from the euphoria, the nastier after-effects include drunkards and good-girl-gone-sluts and bad-boys-gone-worse types and i really don't want to be in that crowd at 3 am by miself.
aaaaaah.
so
im at home.
CLEANING.

seriousli.

im thinking theres still time. it doesn start for another 3 hours. i can go, and give sum random guy a peck on the cheek and im sure he shud b willing enuf to play boyfriend/bodyguard for the next 4 hours.
ahah..okay more than a peck.

nah. not gnna work.

gr.
and what with the OTHER half of the world being out too (HINT drug) but telling me 'ur not going with that crowd' im even more tempted to go.

u know whats funny?with my aunt gone i cud stay out till 5 am and itd be okay. funny how when the one time u CAN go without having to worry about curfews,u stay home cleaning dishes.
the irony kills me.
God has a VERY weird sense of humour.

yeh aieenay mein chehraa
mera to nahee
tum hi dekhayee deye
har jaga. kaheen..
kaheen..
kaheen..

-Udhero Na. by Arooj Aftab.

hm. the nostalgias been getting worse lately. cudnt sleep till like 5 am, went online and they were online, for a change..weirdly pleasant surprise.

sometimes my mind feels like a cat chasing its own tail.
round and round in circles.

note to self-do not travel 4 cities/ cut 30 tomatoes and 10 cucumbers/make 90 burgers/go row boating/voluntarily organize a 50 people event.
in one day.
im so soreeeeeeeeee......

the row boating at the lake was worth it though.
proof.


i took it.pretty pretty, hai na?

i havent written in here for 3 days. writing and not just that, writing semi-coherent-crap-worth-reading seems to be an obligation now.
he said that too last night. its not supposed to be an obligation. its supposed to bring u happiness.

my laptop's purring like a cat being whipped. i SERIOUSLI need to get it fixed. it blacks out every 15 minutes.
screw Limewire.

rant to follow.

i do not own anyone. they have no obligation to me. i cannot push anyone to do things for me that i know will hurt them, just because they have done so in the past and i have too.
it is selfishness that destroys relationships.
that, and thinking that u have power over them.

the ball should always be center-court.

they owed me nothing. and that is why i lost them. and that is why i will lose him too.
demands.
this is not a competition.

but I owe them nothing too.

it is that thought that will liberate u. break u.
it means no commitment.
it means ur bond, ur words are meaningless.
it means i don't own u.
it means You do not own me, and u can set me free.
I do not want that freedom.

but it is safer this way. it is safer if we have no laws. no ownership.

('cuz the only time I see us together, is at the end of ridiculous)

But for all your subtleties, you have no wisdom.
-Lord of the Rings 3.

I will fool myself time and time again.

And plot different ways to go to the fireworks and make it back alive and in one piece too.
*sigh.

Ek din
tum bahut bade banoge ek din.
chaand se chamak uthoge ek din.
will you forget me then?
yes i can, if only you can.

-From some oldies indian song my mum used to hum.

can't find the song on utube though. shucks.

end lame introspective rambling. back to dishes and floors cinderella.

xo
-eeda