rant.
cuz its been bugging me,
and ive tried so.very.hard to not let it show but here it comes.
*vomit vomit*
khala, WHY did you have to go through my diary?
you tell me you did because..it was your duty as my parent-figure?
Islam emphasizes privacy.
The Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h) kept things belonging to other people safe with him, without touching them or looking through them, because they were things for his safe-keeping.
Everything that i own which is in your house right now, are still MY possessions.
when i leave my room , they are yours for safe-keeping.
and you went through it. not just my clothes or anything, but my most treasured, my most private things.
and you KNOW this, so don't deny it.
and you violated my trust, and then had the guts to ask me why i don't trust you and tell you stuff?
kahan geya Islam khala?
what about khalu? violating me? my rights as a human? i was dad's gift to you, for safe-keeping.
kahan geya Islam?
as much as dad and khalu don't get along, when dad was sending me here, dad said he'd never trust me with any other man except for khalu.
ironic.
he was the one man dad Shouldn't have trusted me with.
funny how khalu's oh-im-perfect act fooled dad too.
kahan geya Islam khalu?
the pair of you, you and your husband.
i'll probably forgive you, 'cuz u've done it before. oh-so-many-times. nothing new.
but your husband's pretentious im-so-perfect act
makes.me.sick.to.my.stomach.
i need to be patient.
patience.composure.calm.stability.stoicism.fortitude.
on a side note, Eid Mubarak everyone! time to indulge in sawayan and eidii..
pft i miss home.
-end ramble-
o, talk with Gunther=much needed
xo
eeda
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
this is making me
insomniac.
ack.
and oh, so like, if my head was a little clearer id write some lines about that picture.
'cuz like it's inspirational um like it makes me all a-quiver on the inside.
so like.
i woke up at 3 am, like
i couldn't sleep, dig?
its 4 46 am right now, like
i have essays to type up but like
my mind is racing like
a ferris wheel, dig?
i'm high again. on hm.
sleep-deprivation.
or too much sleep.
or.hm.
my eyeballs hurt. isn't that weird? we should get someone to gouge them out
gory.
reminds me of King Lear, didnt he get his eye taken out? or something.
hoo ah
-from Scent of a woman.
u kept saying that when you were telling me the story.
like u were in pain.
those who've watched the movie might understand.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Oh, where do I go from here, Charlie?
Charlie Simms: If you're tangled up, just tango on.
-Scent of a woman.
didn't i mention that i lur lur lurve the tango?
here's the other reason why.
i really need to shush.
photo credits, The Fragile, by Visceralmilk on deviantart.com
edit.
i asked him to call me at 5 30 am.
got cooled down a little. finally fell asleep.
not.
good.
is it a temporary need?
all for now
xo
-eeda.
i apologize for the failing standards of this place.
its turning into a big ramble. rumble.
insomniac.
ack.
and oh, so like, if my head was a little clearer id write some lines about that picture.
'cuz like it's inspirational um like it makes me all a-quiver on the inside.
so like.
i woke up at 3 am, like
i couldn't sleep, dig?
its 4 46 am right now, like
i have essays to type up but like
my mind is racing like
a ferris wheel, dig?
i'm high again. on hm.
sleep-deprivation.
or too much sleep.
or.hm.
my eyeballs hurt. isn't that weird? we should get someone to gouge them out
gory.
reminds me of King Lear, didnt he get his eye taken out? or something.
hoo ah
-from Scent of a woman.
u kept saying that when you were telling me the story.
like u were in pain.
those who've watched the movie might understand.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Oh, where do I go from here, Charlie?
Charlie Simms: If you're tangled up, just tango on.
-Scent of a woman.
didn't i mention that i lur lur lurve the tango?
here's the other reason why.
i really need to shush.
photo credits, The Fragile, by Visceralmilk on deviantart.com
edit.
i asked him to call me at 5 30 am.
got cooled down a little. finally fell asleep.
not.
good.
is it a temporary need?
all for now
xo
-eeda.
i apologize for the failing standards of this place.
its turning into a big ramble. rumble.
Monday, September 29, 2008
we had a very very very intense conversation last night.
what with khala moving her i-shalt-confess-all deadline from 6 months to 2 weeks, let's just say it's a bit of an understatement that i feel pressured for time.
especially regarding something that is so big.
im scared.
my mind's doing impersonations.
of hamsters running in wheels.
i think. i think.
i think i'm going to say No.
i think i'm going to say
No.
i think.
i think?
i know that
i do not know
what to do.
please forgive me.
(if i do)
what with khala moving her i-shalt-confess-all deadline from 6 months to 2 weeks, let's just say it's a bit of an understatement that i feel pressured for time.
especially regarding something that is so big.
im scared.
my mind's doing impersonations.
of hamsters running in wheels.
i think. i think.
i think i'm going to say No.
i think i'm going to say
No.
i think.
i think?
i want to say yes.
but i will not won't can not can't shan't
but i will not won't can not can't shan't
| Do I dare | |
| Disturb the universe? | |
| In a minute there is time | |
| For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse -from 'The Love song of J.Alfred Prufrock' by T.S Elliot. |
i know that
i do not know
what to do.
please forgive me.
(if i do)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
come undone at the seams.
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
-'Somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond' by E.E Cummings.
''then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.''
-Anonymous.
None of this is particularly aimed at anyone. just kinda fits in.
im in an emo mood.
this little needle inside that keeps ticking...
one wrong move and i..
close.
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
-'Somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond' by E.E Cummings.
''then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.''
-Anonymous.
None of this is particularly aimed at anyone. just kinda fits in.
im in an emo mood.
this little needle inside that keeps ticking...
one wrong move and i..
close.
picture meddled with a little, original 'Sheer Light' by zemotion on deviantart.com
xo
-eeda.
ps. neelo.
TWO posts in one day already.
yes u love me.
yes i know it.
:D
Gunther,
update blog.
pweezy?
xo
-eeda.
ps. neelo.
TWO posts in one day already.
yes u love me.
yes i know it.
:D
Gunther,
update blog.
pweezy?
this post is kinda random.
neeli would hyperventilate if i didnt.
oops, sorry.
neelo.
hahahahahahahahahaah..
nadir tells me it seemed i was happy while i was there.
he tells me i was MUCH happier while i was there.
i WAS happier.
much much much.
no boundaries, except my own. no limits, except my own.
i did as i pleased.
i jogged up and down the hill in the rain and got soaked.
between dewy leaves and pearly flowers glistening, smiling, dancing to the
whisper of the wind, caressing, engulfing , submerging me
in peace.
and everywhere i looked up i saw rainbows.
Thank you Allah for letting me have those 6 weeks.
I feel riotous. but in a calmed way.
I cooked. was still trying to finish it up when khalu came in. peered over. disapproved. told me he'd fix it. took charge.
he told khala i messed it and gave up and he had to do the fixing.
i wasn't done. u forcefully took over.
Nobody ASKED you to.
i hate hypocrisy.
loathe despise abhor
( 2 hours later) what did i tell u? khala comes home and rubs in the fact that i cant cook a decent thing straight.
yes khala its sad. its sadder that i wasnt even allowed to try.
what else is sad....hm..
she has issues with me going to two iftars.
and eid parties too im sure, wait till those roll around.
there's no point looking forward to anything right now. at all.
o, and i love lavender.
i also love it when i wake up to your phone call.
and i love rainbows and hot showers and i love whispered conversations at 5 am insisting that it's time you got out of bed and went to work and i love when you call me during your break and i love rain and i love when the sky is blue grey black and every color in between and i love sticking my head out the window and just.
breathing.
-end ramble-
Question.
would you rather have someone rotten on the inside, 'sane' on the outside,
or
sane on the inside, and rotten on the outside?
fodder for thought.
study time.
must.not.procrastinate.
x0
-eeda.
ps.
yes that masked figure in the picture with NO sense of colour-coding clothes IS me. (alliteration not intended). i was in my pajamas jeesh.
and no i didnt look decent enough for you to look at me.
and no im not part of some stringent Taliban group which makes me wear a full face black niqab either.
thought i'd clarify that.
hum de dum do do dah..
neeli would hyperventilate if i didnt.
oops, sorry.
neelo.
hahahahahahahahahaah..
nadir tells me it seemed i was happy while i was there.
he tells me i was MUCH happier while i was there.
i WAS happier.
much much much.
no boundaries, except my own. no limits, except my own.
i did as i pleased.
i jogged up and down the hill in the rain and got soaked.
between dewy leaves and pearly flowers glistening, smiling, dancing to the
whisper of the wind, caressing, engulfing , submerging me
in peace.
and everywhere i looked up i saw rainbows.
Thank you Allah for letting me have those 6 weeks.
I feel riotous. but in a calmed way.
an eternal sadness in the eyes.
I cooked. was still trying to finish it up when khalu came in. peered over. disapproved. told me he'd fix it. took charge.
he told khala i messed it and gave up and he had to do the fixing.
i wasn't done. u forcefully took over.
Nobody ASKED you to.
i hate hypocrisy.
loathe despise abhor
( 2 hours later) what did i tell u? khala comes home and rubs in the fact that i cant cook a decent thing straight.
yes khala its sad. its sadder that i wasnt even allowed to try.
what else is sad....hm..
she has issues with me going to two iftars.
and eid parties too im sure, wait till those roll around.
there's no point looking forward to anything right now. at all.
you got me in a chokehold.
Hold.
choke.
choke more.
check me.
life line.
check mate.
hate blind
cursed fate
fake case
suffa cate.
catch phrase
e rase
caught breath
brain dead
dread lock
lock down.
down cold
choke hold.
cursed fate
fake case
suffa cate.
catch phrase
e rase
caught breath
brain dead
dread lock
lock down.
down cold
choke hold.
o, and i love lavender.
i also love it when i wake up to your phone call.
and i love rainbows and hot showers and i love whispered conversations at 5 am insisting that it's time you got out of bed and went to work and i love when you call me during your break and i love rain and i love when the sky is blue grey black and every color in between and i love sticking my head out the window and just.
breathing.
-end ramble-
Question.
would you rather have someone rotten on the inside, 'sane' on the outside,
or
sane on the inside, and rotten on the outside?
fodder for thought.
study time.
must.not.procrastinate.
x0
-eeda.
ps.
yes that masked figure in the picture with NO sense of colour-coding clothes IS me. (alliteration not intended). i was in my pajamas jeesh.
and no i didnt look decent enough for you to look at me.
and no im not part of some stringent Taliban group which makes me wear a full face black niqab either.
thought i'd clarify that.
hum de dum do do dah..
Thursday, September 25, 2008
nonsensical
he says.' don't cater to my needs. just be you.'
a.r.g.h
i really really want to just smash my skull hard against the wall right now.
except that i know that i can't.
and it's Pissing.me.off.
because i have to be sane.
i hate sanity.
i read this book once by Paulo Coelho called Veronika decides to die, where this girl called Veronika ( surprise surprise) gets admitted to a mental hospital because of a failed suicide attempt. She comes to realize that in a mental hospital there are no rules and everything goes because heck, ur insane. It talks about letting go of your inhibitions, about doing thing that you always wanted to secretly do, but couldn't because soceity told you not to.
Kinda like Freudian Psychology, except that noone's asking you to have sex with your dad.
Freud was just w.e.i.r.d that way.
back to said point.
im thinking. i can't really get myself INTO a mental hospital, which sucks.
i've always had this overwhelming desire to.
actually, if i claim distant blood relationship with Zardari, it might actually work.
don't even get me started on his cheap arse my-wife-aint-been-gone-12-months but ooooooh-hello-there-pwetty-lady-lemme-hug-u crap he pulled off with Sarah Palin.
but back to original point.if i WAS mad.
i. hm.
life would be simpler.
id eat dress marry sing travel whomever wherever whenever i wanted to.
childish i know.
im trying to drown out my throbbing temples with the loudest harshest brashest music i can find on my Itunes, which is hard, considering i dont have too much OF that kind. fry my neurons into mush so they stop racing each other for one second numb everything out until its just meaningless echoes bouncing around like old forgotten voices calling each other in sunken ships wedged between mildewed crags overcome in seaweed and bones of dead fish.
armie tells me there's 4 steps to love.
xrx_mizunderz2d_xrx says:
the first one is called "FILIA"..its love for friends...
the second one is "EROS"..which is physical...ur attracted physically..
the third one is "STERGO"..which means u see urself having a future with him and all...
and the fourth it "AGAPE"...which is unconditional love.
unconditional love.
i dont think theres such a thing anymore.
maybe its in old couples smiles. mayb when a mother holds her newborn.
mayb its in everything. maybe its in nothing.
everything can be corrupted.
i find hope in broken lyrics. in pictures.
love.it could be love.
it could be something else too.
That is love.
That was always love, but we
live in rushed seconds.
-Desert lion on deviantart.com
liar.lyre.pyre. pair. prairie.
nonsense. non sense. no sense
sense
sense and sensibility.
screw that.
let's all just run after butterflies in lavender fields.
Karsh Kale has been drumming Milan in my ear for the past 40 minutes or so nonstop.
its funny how even the loudest volume isnt loud enough. stupid headphones/itunes/HP/
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
too true.
im tired of trying to go places.
haha..that sounds wrong on so many levels.
no worries everyone, im not going no places..bah
mi minds permanently in the gutter.
im not saying anything worth a dime right now.
bed-time.
4 am..probably a good idea.
last quote for my idealism deprived soul.
I tried the world, it wears no more
the colouring of romance it wore.
-L.M Montogomery.
Definitely Pms-ing now.
God bless unquestionable ready-made excuses for bouts of insanity and incoherence.
A-men.
the dash is intentional.
aight im outtie....like a saudddiiiiiiiiii.
peace in the middle east.
bad bad BAD joke.
xo
-eeda
a.r.g.h
i really really want to just smash my skull hard against the wall right now.
except that i know that i can't.
and it's Pissing.me.off.
because i have to be sane.
i hate sanity.
i read this book once by Paulo Coelho called Veronika decides to die, where this girl called Veronika ( surprise surprise) gets admitted to a mental hospital because of a failed suicide attempt. She comes to realize that in a mental hospital there are no rules and everything goes because heck, ur insane. It talks about letting go of your inhibitions, about doing thing that you always wanted to secretly do, but couldn't because soceity told you not to.
Kinda like Freudian Psychology, except that noone's asking you to have sex with your dad.
Freud was just w.e.i.r.d that way.
back to said point.
im thinking. i can't really get myself INTO a mental hospital, which sucks.
i've always had this overwhelming desire to.
actually, if i claim distant blood relationship with Zardari, it might actually work.
don't even get me started on his cheap arse my-wife-aint-been-gone-12-months but ooooooh-hello-there-pwetty-lady-lemme-hug-u crap he pulled off with Sarah Palin.
but back to original point.if i WAS mad.
i. hm.
life would be simpler.
id eat dress marry sing travel whomever wherever whenever i wanted to.
childish i know.
im trying to drown out my throbbing temples with the loudest harshest brashest music i can find on my Itunes, which is hard, considering i dont have too much OF that kind. fry my neurons into mush so they stop racing each other for one second numb everything out until its just meaningless echoes bouncing around like old forgotten voices calling each other in sunken ships wedged between mildewed crags overcome in seaweed and bones of dead fish.
armie tells me there's 4 steps to love.
xrx_mizunderz2d_xrx says:
the first one is called "FILIA"..its love for friends...
the second one is "EROS"..which is physical...ur attracted physically..
the third one is "STERGO"..which means u see urself having a future with him and all...
and the fourth it "AGAPE"...which is unconditional love.
unconditional love.
i dont think theres such a thing anymore.
maybe its in old couples smiles. mayb when a mother holds her newborn.
mayb its in everything. maybe its in nothing.
everything can be corrupted.
i find hope in broken lyrics. in pictures.
love.it could be love.
it could be something else too.
That is love.
That was always love, but we
live in rushed seconds.
-Desert lion on deviantart.com
liar.lyre.pyre. pair. prairie.
nonsense. non sense. no sense
sense
sense and sensibility.
screw that.
let's all just run after butterflies in lavender fields.
Karsh Kale has been drumming Milan in my ear for the past 40 minutes or so nonstop.
its funny how even the loudest volume isnt loud enough. stupid headphones/itunes/HP/
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
too true.
im tired of trying to go places.
haha..that sounds wrong on so many levels.
no worries everyone, im not going no places..bah
mi minds permanently in the gutter.
im not saying anything worth a dime right now.
bed-time.
4 am..probably a good idea.
last quote for my idealism deprived soul.
I tried the world, it wears no more
the colouring of romance it wore.
-L.M Montogomery.
Definitely Pms-ing now.
God bless unquestionable ready-made excuses for bouts of insanity and incoherence.
A-men.
the dash is intentional.
aight im outtie....like a saudddiiiiiiiiii.
peace in the middle east.
bad bad BAD joke.
xo
-eeda
i am pissed.
like PISSED.
and i don't know why. or at whom.
i think my let's-pretend-i-am-mother-Theresa act is falling through and it's all crashing down at me at the same time in perfect synchronicity.
or it could be just plain old p.m.s
i feel rather like Zeus.
i.e thunderbolt in hand ready to strike at will.
a little more clothed than him perhaps.
and maybe a little more female too.
Rawr.
he says my cat impersonations are surprisingly realistic.
>_O
and also, for the sake of not appearing a completely defunct member of society and actually having some fodder to talk about with my other fellow female friends ( alliteration not intended), im ACTUALLY ( it kills me to admit it) watching gossip girl. online. for free.
so sue me.
or trying to watch at any rate. i can't find the feckin (no that's not a swear) episode 15 and it's feckin pissin me feckin off.
feckin is NOTHING like the naughty f word. it's like.
feeding+clucking.
which makes me sound like a chicken.
i think earlier in this post somewhere i was being a cat.
a catchicken.
cachiken.
cluawwwwwr.
aaaaaaawwwhrggggghhhhhhh
i.needs.sleep.
and chocolate.
LOTS of chocolate.
and home and mum and a phone call from we know who and a big fat hug.
oh DEFINITELY pms-ing now.
shoooooooo....
like PISSED.
and i don't know why. or at whom.
i think my let's-pretend-i-am-mother-Theresa act is falling through and it's all crashing down at me at the same time in perfect synchronicity.
or it could be just plain old p.m.s
i feel rather like Zeus.
i.e thunderbolt in hand ready to strike at will.
a little more clothed than him perhaps.
and maybe a little more female too.
Rawr.
he says my cat impersonations are surprisingly realistic.
>_O
and also, for the sake of not appearing a completely defunct member of society and actually having some fodder to talk about with my other fellow female friends ( alliteration not intended), im ACTUALLY ( it kills me to admit it) watching gossip girl. online. for free.
so sue me.
or trying to watch at any rate. i can't find the feckin (no that's not a swear) episode 15 and it's feckin pissin me feckin off.
feckin is NOTHING like the naughty f word. it's like.
feeding+clucking.
which makes me sound like a chicken.
i think earlier in this post somewhere i was being a cat.
a catchicken.
cachiken.
cluawwwwwr.
aaaaaaawwwhrggggghhhhhhh
i.needs.sleep.
and chocolate.
LOTS of chocolate.
and home and mum and a phone call from we know who and a big fat hug.
oh DEFINITELY pms-ing now.
shoooooooo....
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Dilemma, of sorts.
Question
How do you ever know how much you deserve
How do you ever know if you're not settling for less, because that's how much you think you deserve.
make the most of what comes?
fodder for thought.
xo
-eeda
ps.
that picture was shamelessly taken from postsecret and bears no resemblance to me or anyone i know.
just thought i'd clear that up before people started thinking i do part-time work for playboy and publish semi-nude pictures of me with twisted statements on them.
no.i don't.
i burst thee bubble..
Ooopsie me.
Question
How do you ever know how much you deserve
How do you ever know if you're not settling for less, because that's how much you think you deserve.
Sometimes. we settle for too little.
Sometimes. we let it pass, hoping for something better.
and better, and better.
Sometimes. we let it pass, hoping for something better.
and better, and better.
Inadequacy,
or Regret?
or Regret?
make the most of what comes?
fodder for thought.
xo
-eeda
ps.
that picture was shamelessly taken from postsecret and bears no resemblance to me or anyone i know.
just thought i'd clear that up before people started thinking i do part-time work for playboy and publish semi-nude pictures of me with twisted statements on them.
no.i don't.
i burst thee bubble..
Ooopsie me.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
he says-' do you have any sense of sanitarianism?!'
and they tell me im a fob.
speaking of the Undercover Aunties Investigation Bureau, my aunt has promptly got herself promoted to Chief Nasty-is-my-middle-name rank, by having gone through my ENTIRE diary and ALL my text messages on my phone on the one unfortunate day i didn't have it glued to me.
points of observation:
1- i think, that is the absolute most disgustingly lowest thing you could do to someone.
2-she had the gall to bring it up with me, quoting to me the messages, questioning me about them, and then outright refusing that she read my diary or my phone.
and then she tells me she cannot believe how I have issues trusting her.
let's just say i was too horrified to speak.
and also that i do not wish to rant about all that followed, atleast not right now.
she might not respect such things as privacy and so on, but i respect some things.
among which is Ramazan, and i really REALLY don't want to ruin it by swearing.
on the brighter side, it's just my kinda night.
it's a little wild.
the skys a dark mutinous mauve.
the leaves are swishing about a little too loudly for something that is tiny,yellow green, crumpled and wet.
its a little chilly, and very windy, the kind of wind you hear in cheesy indian horror movies, that wails like an old lady with no teeth. except that this wind is real.
and there's a pine-tree kinda tree ( excuse me if my botany is not upto par despite it running thru my blood 'cuz apparently Ma rocked at it) . so there's the pine-tree kinda tree under my window that smells like a whiff of heaven with a little bit of nostalgia mixed in it.
it smells oddly reminiscent of just..Home.
of wild,stormy nights walking along the beach singing sagar kinaray.
emoness i know.
did i mention that it's raining?
-bliss-
of a riotious kind.
ima a bit of a sucker for rain. it's calming.
it's like finding something that's just a little more riotous, a little more turbulent,
a lot more chaotic
than you.
it awes me,
shuts me up
calms me down
serenades
soothes
heals
Still
so very peaceful.
Give me something to believe in
'Cause i don't believe in you, anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
Even makes a difference to try, yeah
-Makes me wonder, by Maroon 5.
yeh i really don't believe in you anymore.
i tried hard, trust me i did. i went totally out of my way to tell you everything but
it was never enough for you.
and u flung away what i did tell you way too many times, like it was rehearsed speeches, cheap lines.
it was nothing less than raw truth.
it really does make me wonder though.
trying, i mean.
there's only much you can try and run away from fate.
if it insists on taking you under there's not much you Can do.
me thinks i need to continue my garble tomorrow.
ima go sleep cocooned in the pattering of the raindrops and the howl of the wind.
-eeda.
for all those of you who still respect, despite the rant,thank-you.
you know who you are :)
and they tell me im a fob.
speaking of the Undercover Aunties Investigation Bureau, my aunt has promptly got herself promoted to Chief Nasty-is-my-middle-name rank, by having gone through my ENTIRE diary and ALL my text messages on my phone on the one unfortunate day i didn't have it glued to me.
points of observation:
1- i think, that is the absolute most disgustingly lowest thing you could do to someone.
2-she had the gall to bring it up with me, quoting to me the messages, questioning me about them, and then outright refusing that she read my diary or my phone.
and then she tells me she cannot believe how I have issues trusting her.
let's just say i was too horrified to speak.
and also that i do not wish to rant about all that followed, atleast not right now.
she might not respect such things as privacy and so on, but i respect some things.
among which is Ramazan, and i really REALLY don't want to ruin it by swearing.
on the brighter side, it's just my kinda night.
it's a little wild.
the skys a dark mutinous mauve.
the leaves are swishing about a little too loudly for something that is tiny,yellow green, crumpled and wet.
its a little chilly, and very windy, the kind of wind you hear in cheesy indian horror movies, that wails like an old lady with no teeth. except that this wind is real.
and there's a pine-tree kinda tree ( excuse me if my botany is not upto par despite it running thru my blood 'cuz apparently Ma rocked at it) . so there's the pine-tree kinda tree under my window that smells like a whiff of heaven with a little bit of nostalgia mixed in it.
it smells oddly reminiscent of just..Home.
of wild,stormy nights walking along the beach singing sagar kinaray.
emoness i know.
did i mention that it's raining?
-bliss-
of a riotious kind.
ima a bit of a sucker for rain. it's calming.
it's like finding something that's just a little more riotous, a little more turbulent,
a lot more chaotic
than you.
it awes me,
shuts me up
calms me down
serenades
soothes
heals
Still
so very peaceful.
Give me something to believe in
'Cause i don't believe in you, anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
Even makes a difference to try, yeah
-Makes me wonder, by Maroon 5.
yeh i really don't believe in you anymore.
i tried hard, trust me i did. i went totally out of my way to tell you everything but
it was never enough for you.
and u flung away what i did tell you way too many times, like it was rehearsed speeches, cheap lines.
it was nothing less than raw truth.
it really does make me wonder though.
trying, i mean.
there's only much you can try and run away from fate.
if it insists on taking you under there's not much you Can do.
me thinks i need to continue my garble tomorrow.
ima go sleep cocooned in the pattering of the raindrops and the howl of the wind.
echo in my eardrums till you drown out the voices in my head.
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head,
they keep fallin'.
-Raindrops keep..by B.J Thomas.
hum dee dum dum..
xoAnd just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head,
they keep fallin'.
-Raindrops keep..by B.J Thomas.
hum dee dum dum..
-eeda.
for all those of you who still respect, despite the rant,thank-you.
you know who you are :)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
2 posts in 2 hours. yippee.
She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
I'll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes 'round the yard
She says "If I leave before you, darling
Don't you waste me in the ground"
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes round the yard.
beautiful song. <3.
She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
I'll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes 'round the yard
She says "If I leave before you, darling
Don't you waste me in the ground"
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes round the yard.
beautiful song. <3.
We live in troubled times, my friend.
So there was this bomb blast at marriot in Islamabad.
so like, 60 people were killed.
so like, the VIP's of the Great Republic of Pakistan who were convening at a meeting not too far off had only this to say, ' Hey! Atleast no VIP's were hurt!'
*high fives all around*
yes let us all commend you for gallant attempts at saving humanity. Bravo!!!!
note to self, next time ur feeling playful, do not try and unleash the feeling by getting all huggy huggy and squishy squishy and kissy kissy and come-'ere-lemme-tickle-u with a 4 year old kid who goes to a school with germ/flu-infested kids and just might be carrying those lucky little bugs with him.
oh yes, eek, i have his cooties now.
and i am sick.
Again!
cough cough sneeze .
on a not-so-lighter note, they're driving him up the wall to insanity, just like they did to me, except i ran away but i know him like i know every crevice in my palm that he won't be able to fight this off and he will be twice as broken and half as healed.
and its going to start the goddamn cycle all the effin hell over again except that there is no way you can stop it.
i could. if i wasn't hiding away here in my other cage-hole selfishly trying to find some elusive cure for a battered mind and a restless soul. i can't go back.
or i could. i'd lose me but i'd find them.
how do u ever know if it's worth it?
question. what would superman do?
heck it, he's too conscientious and he'd probably slaughter himself on some craggy hills with his own knife to save a kitten, if he had to. i'm more corrupted, like batman.
soooo..what would batman do? would he let them go a little tooo wahoonie in the head and save his own scrawny ass?
the problem is they're all sick. you can't play Doctor when everyone is too busy being or wanting to be Patient.
I am ill, but your being by me
Cannot amend me; society is no comfort
To one not sociable. I am not very sick,
Since I can reason of it.
-William Shakespeare.
what else..hm, oh.
apparently drug's mum found out about me.
and she's all... dunno, happy i guess?
i think the fact that i'm paki is enough for her.
o and he's hit a decision.
yes those rather nasty things.
he wants me to talk to his mum.
yes.
major Ack.
O.o
oh, and since we're on the topic of finding things out, khala found out about him too. not surprised, given the ridiculous amount of time i spend on the phone with him.
but seriously u'd think both aunties were employed by the Undercover Aunties Investigation Bureau.
she asks if we're 'just friends'
me- er..yeh?!
her- well i know ur lying.
but, i also know that i don't want to know the truth.
so let's leave it at that.
oookie dokie woman. if u say so.
o, and she thinks 'there's something fishy about him'
yes yes, considering that she's met and talked to him a million and one times over, obviously.
not.
i'm thinking. if i put a shahrukh-khan lookalike with a lil more islam and a lil less bollywood in him, dressed in like a proper kurta shalwar ,doting away on her kids and parroting off 'jee aunti jee aunti' in front of her, she'd STILL think there was something fishy about him.
so, ya. her point is moot.
hum dee dum dum..
and SINCE we're on the topic of investigation's and sleuthing and being-on-the-radar, one of my dad's cousin's highly-gossip-inclined-son's added me on facebook.
yay. woohoo me.
considering that my relationship status shows me married to my bestfriend, who not only happens to be a girl but is ALSO hindu to boot,that should be enough fodder for thought to keep them occupied down there in paki.. yes, ahan.
'haey s***** ki beti ka suna? she likes LARKEEYAN? haey haey kia zamana ageya hai! KAHA tha us say ke canada mut bhejo, us ka dimagh kharab ho jaey ga, apay se bahar ho jaey gee...pooray khandan ka naam barbad ker deya...'
yeh i'm VERY 'apay se bahar'. i DONT wear a burqa (HAEY HAEY) and DONT melt into the ground when anything remotely posessing the male genitilia walks past ( DOUBLE haey haey) and yes,i TRAVEL on the BUS by MYSELF without a mehram. ( aunti faints and is rushed to Emergency ward).
yay. joy to the world.
and speaking of khandan ka naam, i hav some interesting stories to tell YOU aunty jee. i KNOW of some khandan, and one of them is ur own prince-charming son included, who PAID some paki sluts or something to escort them to a lets-drink-alcohol-and-have-a-happy-HAPPY-time type couple's only party.
yeh. my slate is not very squeaky clean but please look inside ur own before u bash on me or my family that u've driven to the point of insanity in their quest for perfection trying make u effin people happy.
ironic isn't it?
hum de dum dum..
ima bitter old soul i know. or just plain chocolate/ mocha deprived.
and i hate the fact that im sick and ammi's not fretting over me or anything 'cuz here u dont get any diff. treatment jus cuz ur sick. u still do all the chores, still get up at 10 max, still have to be all smiley and still hav to go to all their fake time-to-act-stiff parties.
dad would let me sleep till 3 if it made me feel any better.
-homesickness-
hm. me thinks i shud write more often. blogs done after anything more than 2 days get a mind of their own which too often than not borders on the bitter-ranting spectrum of things.
la la la la la..
i hav a sudden inclination to sing at the top of my lungs, which knowing me is nothing new.
it just doesn't help that right now i sound like a cross between a toad and a genetically mutated horse.
*croak
time to shoo off.
xo
-eeda.
So there was this bomb blast at marriot in Islamabad.
so like, 60 people were killed.
so like, the VIP's of the Great Republic of Pakistan who were convening at a meeting not too far off had only this to say, ' Hey! Atleast no VIP's were hurt!'
*high fives all around*
yes let us all commend you for gallant attempts at saving humanity. Bravo!!!!
note to self, next time ur feeling playful, do not try and unleash the feeling by getting all huggy huggy and squishy squishy and kissy kissy and come-'ere-lemme-tickle-u with a 4 year old kid who goes to a school with germ/flu-infested kids and just might be carrying those lucky little bugs with him.
oh yes, eek, i have his cooties now.
and i am sick.
Again!
cough cough sneeze .
on a not-so-lighter note, they're driving him up the wall to insanity, just like they did to me, except i ran away but i know him like i know every crevice in my palm that he won't be able to fight this off and he will be twice as broken and half as healed.
and its going to start the goddamn cycle all the effin hell over again except that there is no way you can stop it.
i could. if i wasn't hiding away here in my other cage-hole selfishly trying to find some elusive cure for a battered mind and a restless soul. i can't go back.
or i could. i'd lose me but i'd find them.
how do u ever know if it's worth it?
question. what would superman do?
heck it, he's too conscientious and he'd probably slaughter himself on some craggy hills with his own knife to save a kitten, if he had to. i'm more corrupted, like batman.
soooo..what would batman do? would he let them go a little tooo wahoonie in the head and save his own scrawny ass?
the problem is they're all sick. you can't play Doctor when everyone is too busy being or wanting to be Patient.
I am ill, but your being by me
Cannot amend me; society is no comfort
To one not sociable. I am not very sick,
Since I can reason of it.
-William Shakespeare.
what else..hm, oh.
apparently drug's mum found out about me.
and she's all... dunno, happy i guess?
i think the fact that i'm paki is enough for her.
o and he's hit a decision.
yes those rather nasty things.
he wants me to talk to his mum.
yes.
major Ack.
O.o
oh, and since we're on the topic of finding things out, khala found out about him too. not surprised, given the ridiculous amount of time i spend on the phone with him.
but seriously u'd think both aunties were employed by the Undercover Aunties Investigation Bureau.
she asks if we're 'just friends'
me- er..yeh?!
her- well i know ur lying.
but, i also know that i don't want to know the truth.
so let's leave it at that.
oookie dokie woman. if u say so.
o, and she thinks 'there's something fishy about him'
yes yes, considering that she's met and talked to him a million and one times over, obviously.
not.
i'm thinking. if i put a shahrukh-khan lookalike with a lil more islam and a lil less bollywood in him, dressed in like a proper kurta shalwar ,doting away on her kids and parroting off 'jee aunti jee aunti' in front of her, she'd STILL think there was something fishy about him.
so, ya. her point is moot.
hum dee dum dum..
and SINCE we're on the topic of investigation's and sleuthing and being-on-the-radar, one of my dad's cousin's highly-gossip-inclined-son's added me on facebook.
yay. woohoo me.
considering that my relationship status shows me married to my bestfriend, who not only happens to be a girl but is ALSO hindu to boot,that should be enough fodder for thought to keep them occupied down there in paki.. yes, ahan.
'haey s***** ki beti ka suna? she likes LARKEEYAN? haey haey kia zamana ageya hai! KAHA tha us say ke canada mut bhejo, us ka dimagh kharab ho jaey ga, apay se bahar ho jaey gee...pooray khandan ka naam barbad ker deya...'
yeh i'm VERY 'apay se bahar'. i DONT wear a burqa (HAEY HAEY) and DONT melt into the ground when anything remotely posessing the male genitilia walks past ( DOUBLE haey haey) and yes,i TRAVEL on the BUS by MYSELF without a mehram. ( aunti faints and is rushed to Emergency ward).
yay. joy to the world.
and speaking of khandan ka naam, i hav some interesting stories to tell YOU aunty jee. i KNOW of some khandan, and one of them is ur own prince-charming son included, who PAID some paki sluts or something to escort them to a lets-drink-alcohol-and-have-a-happy-HAPPY-time type couple's only party.
yeh. my slate is not very squeaky clean but please look inside ur own before u bash on me or my family that u've driven to the point of insanity in their quest for perfection trying make u effin people happy.
ironic isn't it?
hum de dum dum..
ima bitter old soul i know. or just plain chocolate/ mocha deprived.
and i hate the fact that im sick and ammi's not fretting over me or anything 'cuz here u dont get any diff. treatment jus cuz ur sick. u still do all the chores, still get up at 10 max, still have to be all smiley and still hav to go to all their fake time-to-act-stiff parties.
dad would let me sleep till 3 if it made me feel any better.
-homesickness-
hm. me thinks i shud write more often. blogs done after anything more than 2 days get a mind of their own which too often than not borders on the bitter-ranting spectrum of things.
la la la la la..
i hav a sudden inclination to sing at the top of my lungs, which knowing me is nothing new.
it just doesn't help that right now i sound like a cross between a toad and a genetically mutated horse.
*croak
time to shoo off.
xo
-eeda.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Dad
of a million faces
of bear hug icons in skype conversations
of coats hanging on the edges of every door, too high for mum to reach
of holding my head from the top and telling me to stop.thinking.so.much.all.the.time
of cigarette ash that ended up anywhere But in the ash-tray
of the crinkly eyed smile that bought out the glittering opals in his eyes and lit up his entire face
of listening to wayyyyy old indian songs in the car
of listening to wayyyyy old indian songs in the car on FULL volume, when we complained it was boring.
of making me fall in love with mukesh and rafi and kishore and lata and the other old crooners
of never caring about what you wear and how you look just to please others
of waking me up at 8 am to crawl into bed between mum and him because it had been too long
of reading books on islamic history and old urdu literature with a light propped up on his bent knees and his grand-father type glasses
of insisting we sit on EVERY roller coaster on EVERY amusement park we ever went to
of crying softly in bed while half asleep, the night after i left for Canada
(ohh yes ma told me)
of standing up to whoever, for what's right
of falling off from the jet-ski out in the middle of the sea and coming up spluttering and laughing
of laughing again when i was clinging on for dear life and asked if there were any sharks in here
of stroking our hair and patting us ( a little too hard) to sleep
of taking me to the sea in the middle of a storm because i felt like it
of random big one arm hugs and asking me if everything was okay
of random big one arm hugs telling me everything was okay it'll all be okay
of long-winded discussions in the car about politics and economy
of dancing on the sidewalk, at the beach, at 12 am, in his most expensive suit, in the rain, because he felt like it
of making the entire family visit ALL of his cousins and extended cousins and aunts and great aunts and their neighbour's son's dogs EVERY time we go back home
of teaching me family is the most important thing in the world
of always smelling of Aramis and faint old cigarettes.
of bear hug icons in skype conversations
of coats hanging on the edges of every door, too high for mum to reach
of holding my head from the top and telling me to stop.thinking.so.much.all.the.time
of cigarette ash that ended up anywhere But in the ash-tray
of the crinkly eyed smile that bought out the glittering opals in his eyes and lit up his entire face
of listening to wayyyyy old indian songs in the car
of listening to wayyyyy old indian songs in the car on FULL volume, when we complained it was boring.
of making me fall in love with mukesh and rafi and kishore and lata and the other old crooners
of never caring about what you wear and how you look just to please others
of waking me up at 8 am to crawl into bed between mum and him because it had been too long
of reading books on islamic history and old urdu literature with a light propped up on his bent knees and his grand-father type glasses
of insisting we sit on EVERY roller coaster on EVERY amusement park we ever went to
of crying softly in bed while half asleep, the night after i left for Canada
(ohh yes ma told me)
of standing up to whoever, for what's right
of falling off from the jet-ski out in the middle of the sea and coming up spluttering and laughing
of laughing again when i was clinging on for dear life and asked if there were any sharks in here
of stroking our hair and patting us ( a little too hard) to sleep
of taking me to the sea in the middle of a storm because i felt like it
of random big one arm hugs and asking me if everything was okay
of random big one arm hugs telling me everything was okay it'll all be okay
of long-winded discussions in the car about politics and economy
of dancing on the sidewalk, at the beach, at 12 am, in his most expensive suit, in the rain, because he felt like it
of making the entire family visit ALL of his cousins and extended cousins and aunts and great aunts and their neighbour's son's dogs EVERY time we go back home
of teaching me family is the most important thing in the world
of always smelling of Aramis and faint old cigarettes.
there was a guy next to me in the bus today who smelt strongly of Aramis and old cigarettes.
he wasn't dad.
he wasn't dad.
i miss you.
-xo
eeda
ps
sehri=nostalgia+mush
-xo
eeda
ps
sehri=nostalgia+mush
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
meaningful un-emo ish stuff at the end. for a change.
Hey girl
i miss you so
wont you come back
come back
and i dont wnna let go
i dont wnna let go hey girl
come on back today
'cuz my life
just drifting away
drifting away..
-John Legend ft. Estelle, ' Hey Girl'
Dont.
neither of us will be able to manage.
i insist on the persistence of your presence.
the sad thing? i cant see how you can't not.
on a side note, the song is hot.
and i realli realli wnna get a calling card and call up mum today.
khala made me aloo ke parathay cuz she heard me mentioning to mum how much i missed them.
she burnt her arm in the process.
sumtimes khalas can be <3<3<3<3<3
i feel loved. when people i never reply to , leave me a message regardless.
when old friends email.
when my 5 yr old cousin tells me he loves me 83 out of 10.
when my sister tells me she misses me upper than God and downer than the gutter-water.
when someone calls 6 times in a row after we've said goodbye.
'cuz i miss u.'
= major <3
:) :) :)
small things in life.
xo
-eeda.
Hey girl
i miss you so
wont you come back
come back
and i dont wnna let go
i dont wnna let go hey girl
come on back today
'cuz my life
just drifting away
drifting away..
-John Legend ft. Estelle, ' Hey Girl'
Dont.
neither of us will be able to manage.
i insist on the persistence of your presence.
irrational plea. selfish desirability.
the sad thing? i cant see how you can't not.
on a side note, the song is hot.
and i realli realli wnna get a calling card and call up mum today.
khala made me aloo ke parathay cuz she heard me mentioning to mum how much i missed them.
she burnt her arm in the process.
sumtimes khalas can be <3<3<3<3<3
i feel loved. when people i never reply to , leave me a message regardless.
when old friends email.
when my 5 yr old cousin tells me he loves me 83 out of 10.
when my sister tells me she misses me upper than God and downer than the gutter-water.
when someone calls 6 times in a row after we've said goodbye.
'cuz i miss u.'
= major <3
:) :) :)
small things in life.
xo
-eeda.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
SANDY is in CANADA!
yippppeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
even though she's in alberta but sumhow, its still like,,..news from home..
ive missed her so much! even though i havent really been with her since high school ended 2 years ago and havent heard from her in over 8 months but man! atleast we're in the SAME friggin country whut with everyone being in like different continents now!
i feel like making pigtails and jumping on my mattress. :D
yippppeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
even though she's in alberta but sumhow, its still like,,..news from home..
ive missed her so much! even though i havent really been with her since high school ended 2 years ago and havent heard from her in over 8 months but man! atleast we're in the SAME friggin country whut with everyone being in like different continents now!
i feel like making pigtails and jumping on my mattress. :D
Sunday, September 14, 2008
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
some simple lessons
have to be learnt the good ol' way.
the tango scene in Scent of a Woman is immaculate.
i stand corrected- the Entire movie is immaculate.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
i.must.think.before.i.speak.
some simple lessons
have to be learnt the good ol' way.
the tango scene in Scent of a Woman is immaculate.
i stand corrected- the Entire movie is immaculate.
i saw mum and dad and deejay and neeju today.
after i dont know 3 months.
it was just on a screen, like last time, but.
but.
it.felt.so.darn.good.
like.SO.GOOD!
awh man, this homesickness bizness is not my cup of chai.
neeju looks SO much like dad now its not even funny, esp after hes all shaved and grown up..right down to the 6 ft 4 inch'd bony faced,crinkly-eyed smile.
and deeju lost weight :(, but shes as chirpy as ever....ahhhhhh my jaanu.
im gettin emo.
2 more months 2 more months 2 more months.
u know the sad truth tho? i dont think i have it in me to live with all of em again...too much has happened, i've changed too much. ( dad wud call it westernised..bahaha). but o gudness i miss em man. i missed ranting with neeju and gettin all mush with deej and all grown up with dad and chattin away with mum and uff Ammi ke parathay! and that ultra creamy strawberry cheesecake! aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh heaven!!
shucks.
anyhooooooooooo..back to, i dunno, tryna be all desi again and cleaning out the kitchen and whut not. tsk me.
oh, and news. apparently, Golf's family mysteriously left Libya while ammi and all were vacationing in Paki. noone knows why they left and where they went.
i ALWAYS had a feeling there was something dodgy in his blood. i know where he gets it from now.
so that's the end of that. i prolli wont get to see his sorry face ever again, which is sad, considering i had all these plans about how id act in-YOUR-face to him and secretly avenge myself in the end by kicking him in his fruitsies too. Hard..
double shucks.
oh well. there are better things to look forward to at this moment in time.
like greasy pateelis.
eeyaaaah..
edit: i tell khala about Golf's family.
her reply--->
''WHAT? that's so weird! meinay shahraray ka rung bhi soch leya tha!!!''
-___-
Not.
Funny.
after i dont know 3 months.
it was just on a screen, like last time, but.
but.
it.felt.so.darn.good.
like.SO.GOOD!
awh man, this homesickness bizness is not my cup of chai.
neeju looks SO much like dad now its not even funny, esp after hes all shaved and grown up..right down to the 6 ft 4 inch'd bony faced,crinkly-eyed smile.
and deeju lost weight :(, but shes as chirpy as ever....ahhhhhh my jaanu.
im gettin emo.
2 more months 2 more months 2 more months.
u know the sad truth tho? i dont think i have it in me to live with all of em again...too much has happened, i've changed too much. ( dad wud call it westernised..bahaha). but o gudness i miss em man. i missed ranting with neeju and gettin all mush with deej and all grown up with dad and chattin away with mum and uff Ammi ke parathay! and that ultra creamy strawberry cheesecake! aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh heaven!!
shucks.
anyhooooooooooo..back to, i dunno, tryna be all desi again and cleaning out the kitchen and whut not. tsk me.
oh, and news. apparently, Golf's family mysteriously left Libya while ammi and all were vacationing in Paki. noone knows why they left and where they went.
i ALWAYS had a feeling there was something dodgy in his blood. i know where he gets it from now.
so that's the end of that. i prolli wont get to see his sorry face ever again, which is sad, considering i had all these plans about how id act in-YOUR-face to him and secretly avenge myself in the end by kicking him in his fruitsies too. Hard..
double shucks.
oh well. there are better things to look forward to at this moment in time.
like greasy pateelis.
eeyaaaah..
edit: i tell khala about Golf's family.
her reply--->
''WHAT? that's so weird! meinay shahraray ka rung bhi soch leya tha!!!''
-___-
Not.
Funny.
'does that make me crazy? does that make me crazy?
-Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.
i like the first part of it.
'cuz there's beauty in the break-down.
-Let Go, by Frou Frou.
been havin' too many intense conversations lately.
people need to chill.the.hell.out.
note- request to my mutinying stomach.
stop playing Beethoven's Symphony Number 9.
You are NOT a piano.
thankuverymuchandbye.
5 am blues.
*yawn*
-Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.
i like the first part of it.
'cuz there's beauty in the break-down.
-Let Go, by Frou Frou.
been havin' too many intense conversations lately.
people need to chill.the.hell.out.
note- request to my mutinying stomach.
stop playing Beethoven's Symphony Number 9.
You are NOT a piano.
thankuverymuchandbye.
5 am blues.
*yawn*
Saturday, September 13, 2008
'I've been a long time coming, and I'll be a long time gone. You've got your whole life to do something, and that's not very long.'
Ani DiFranco
I found the answer while meandering outside today at sunset.
No, I'm so sorry, but I can't.
It doesn't mean it's meaningless to me, it's just that what you're asking is too meaningful.
I'm too afraid to tell you.
I want to keep you on for my own selfish reasons.
I think i'm going to end up being the asshole that ur trying so hard not to be, just by being honest right from the start.
I hate indecision. I'm pretty sure that by sunset tomorrow, it'll be a Yes.
I'm scared no one else will.
edit. 10 mins later.
I think it's a Yes.
A
R
G
H
Ani DiFranco
I found the answer while meandering outside today at sunset.
No, I'm so sorry, but I can't.
It doesn't mean it's meaningless to me, it's just that what you're asking is too meaningful.
I'm too afraid to tell you.
I want to keep you on for my own selfish reasons.
I think i'm going to end up being the asshole that ur trying so hard not to be, just by being honest right from the start.
I hate indecision. I'm pretty sure that by sunset tomorrow, it'll be a Yes.
I'm scared no one else will.
edit. 10 mins later.
I think it's a Yes.
A
R
G
H
Friday, September 12, 2008
emo mood+awesome emo find= even more emo mood+possible homesickness+craving chocolate.
observation: i have a talent.
i have a VERY uncanny ability to say the Wrongest thing at the Wrongest time.
The only people you need your life are the ones that need you in theirs- Goldie.
Hmmm.......
*need to redefine need*
observation: i have a talent.
i have a VERY uncanny ability to say the Wrongest thing at the Wrongest time.
The only people you need your life are the ones that need you in theirs- Goldie.
Hmmm.......
*need to redefine need*
Thursday, September 11, 2008
edit added at end.
im bored again.
two blog posts from uni, within 3 hours of each other= new record.
and testament to the fact that i absolutely have no life.
Interesting thing learned from world lit class-
there is no morality in a world of chaos.
what else did i learn? oh, that Odysseus played 'unwilling lover' to an immortal goddess for 7 years, because he was married.
key word. unwilling.
even more key. he played the role, nevertheless :/
at which the prof mimics him, ' like seriously, how many more positions could there be?'
i didn't know whether to die from laughing or mortification.
we play our cards as fate sees fit.
unquestioning.
''who can glimpse a god
who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?''
-The Odyssey, by Homer.
i see God
when the sky turns a plummy azure and burns up with the rage of the setting sun.
fade out into dark,blinding night.
rahmble. pfft.
30 mins to class, at the other end of campus again.
surprise surprise.
i miss home.
dad says yesterday on skype.' beta ur a woman now. u cant do this. jab tumhari shadee ho jaey gee, ull need to cook regardless of whether you had a long day. thoda serious ho, ghar sambhalo, khala ka hath batao.'
dad i'm 19.
i do help out.
i can cook and sew liek a champ for someone my age whose not in paki and being drilled by all the aunties there so that she can be put up for show on a pedestal like other poor lambs.
it's like a friggin bakri market there.
funny dad applies all those rules to me here when he's conveniently some 4000 miles away.
it chilled me to the bone tho. despite sub jo ho raha hai, what if i still end up with someone like that? i got that feeling again yesterday, which i haven't had for a while. absolute fear.
i'd much rather have you here with me now. you knw that right? i miss you alot.
tonight'll be our night.
i can stand up and try and run away from this rut but i know that being desi and being female should be qualification enough to get me back in that shit hole cooking for some maulvi type jerk i can't stand for the life of me and having to raise his kids and pretend pretend pretend for the rest of mi life.
it.makes.me.sick.to.my.stomach.
please don't let it go down that way.
on a brighter note,
Rudolph's a red-nosed reindeer.
i always said.
:D
im bored again.
two blog posts from uni, within 3 hours of each other= new record.
and testament to the fact that i absolutely have no life.
Interesting thing learned from world lit class-
there is no morality in a world of chaos.
what else did i learn? oh, that Odysseus played 'unwilling lover' to an immortal goddess for 7 years, because he was married.
key word. unwilling.
even more key. he played the role, nevertheless :/
at which the prof mimics him, ' like seriously, how many more positions could there be?'
i didn't know whether to die from laughing or mortification.
we play our cards as fate sees fit.
unquestioning.
''who can glimpse a god
who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?''
-The Odyssey, by Homer.
i see God
when the sky turns a plummy azure and burns up with the rage of the setting sun.
fade out into dark,blinding night.
rahmble. pfft.
30 mins to class, at the other end of campus again.
surprise surprise.
i miss home.
dad says yesterday on skype.' beta ur a woman now. u cant do this. jab tumhari shadee ho jaey gee, ull need to cook regardless of whether you had a long day. thoda serious ho, ghar sambhalo, khala ka hath batao.'
dad i'm 19.
i do help out.
i can cook and sew liek a champ for someone my age whose not in paki and being drilled by all the aunties there so that she can be put up for show on a pedestal like other poor lambs.
it's like a friggin bakri market there.
funny dad applies all those rules to me here when he's conveniently some 4000 miles away.
it chilled me to the bone tho. despite sub jo ho raha hai, what if i still end up with someone like that? i got that feeling again yesterday, which i haven't had for a while. absolute fear.
i'd much rather have you here with me now. you knw that right? i miss you alot.
tonight'll be our night.
i can stand up and try and run away from this rut but i know that being desi and being female should be qualification enough to get me back in that shit hole cooking for some maulvi type jerk i can't stand for the life of me and having to raise his kids and pretend pretend pretend for the rest of mi life.
it.makes.me.sick.to.my.stomach.
please don't let it go down that way.
on a brighter note,
Rudolph's a red-nosed reindeer.
i always said.
:D
im.at.uni.
B.o.r.e.d
and.in.an.anti-social.mood.to.boot.
you know ur blogs picked up from no readers to possible hollywood status when ur feedjit (a.k.a stalking device) shows a visit from someone in North Hollywood.
J.Depp if u were ever down here ya know, i can be all urrrrs..
i think i'm consistently inconsistent. with who i am.
so me thinks.
don't you just love the play with words?
i choose to be your constant chosen presence.
-Choices, by Nadir.
hm..boreddddd..me needs a cookie. i havent eaten anything in 3 days. cereal and yoghurt and 2 dates doesn't count.
stupid stomach flu.
bah. better start walking to class which VERY conveniently is at the OTHER end of campus and a good 15 minute walk from here.ARGH! u build a university on a MOUNTAIN you might as well invest in chair-lifts! AND wheel-chairs!
-end rant-
oh. and you know what's funny? my 17 year old friend has gotten pregnant and chooses to proudly announce it to the world thru a facebook status update.
yes.exactly.
the world is going.going.gone baloney.
baloney sayoni.
Latah alligahtahs,
-eeda
B.o.r.e.d
and.in.an.anti-social.mood.to.boot.
you know ur blogs picked up from no readers to possible hollywood status when ur feedjit (a.k.a stalking device) shows a visit from someone in North Hollywood.
J.Depp if u were ever down here ya know, i can be all urrrrs..
i think i'm consistently inconsistent. with who i am.
so me thinks.
don't you just love the play with words?
i choose to be your constant chosen presence.
-Choices, by Nadir.
hm..boreddddd..me needs a cookie. i havent eaten anything in 3 days. cereal and yoghurt and 2 dates doesn't count.
stupid stomach flu.
bah. better start walking to class which VERY conveniently is at the OTHER end of campus and a good 15 minute walk from here.ARGH! u build a university on a MOUNTAIN you might as well invest in chair-lifts! AND wheel-chairs!
-end rant-
oh. and you know what's funny? my 17 year old friend has gotten pregnant and chooses to proudly announce it to the world thru a facebook status update.
yes.exactly.
the world is going.going.gone baloney.
baloney sayoni.
Latah alligahtahs,
-eeda
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
a day in the life.
missed work again
because ended up talking to her till 4 am.
called her again at 9 am cuz missed her too much.
at 3 pm to wake her up for school.
at 6 pm to check up what she was upto
at 9 pm to talk to her on her way home, talked till 10 30.
at 11 pm to talk to her after she was done with dinner
went to sleep at 1 am
back to work at 8
again.
I can't get enough i wanna eat you up
i wanna have you for dinner, left-over for lunch
don't go
o don't go
i love every lil thing about you baby don't you know.
-Sunshine, by G.Love and The Special Sauce.
thanx goldie for that song :)
-eeda
(is confusedciusly happy...or happily confusedcius. )
because ended up talking to her till 4 am.
called her again at 9 am cuz missed her too much.
at 3 pm to wake her up for school.
at 6 pm to check up what she was upto
at 9 pm to talk to her on her way home, talked till 10 30.
at 11 pm to talk to her after she was done with dinner
went to sleep at 1 am
back to work at 8
again.
ab to aadat si hai mujhko..
-Jal.
-Jal.
I can't get enough i wanna eat you up
i wanna have you for dinner, left-over for lunch
don't go
o don't go
i love every lil thing about you baby don't you know.
-Sunshine, by G.Love and The Special Sauce.
thanx goldie for that song :)
-eeda
(is confusedciusly happy...or happily confusedcius. )
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
we talked into the wee hours of the morning.
i didn't realize 'wee' was a number.
bah!
welcome back to your (fragile) normalcy.
we hope you will enjoy your (limited) stay with us.
:)
i'm harrppy again. for however long it lasts.
the r there is deliberate.
more cutesy sa that way.
all fr now.
-xo
eeda
ps.armie this one was for u, cuz we dont get to talk much anymore.
''and im feelingggggg...
gooooooodddd''
-Michael Buble.
i didn't realize 'wee' was a number.
bah!
welcome back to your (fragile) normalcy.
we hope you will enjoy your (limited) stay with us.
:)
i'm harrppy again. for however long it lasts.
the r there is deliberate.
more cutesy sa that way.
all fr now.
-xo
eeda
ps.armie this one was for u, cuz we dont get to talk much anymore.
''and im feelingggggg...
gooooooodddd''
-Michael Buble.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
first week of uni
lyrical.
On new students.
its like a parade of masks
facades
i get lost in plastic smiles
hollow eyes
flash all too briefly in my eyes.
surprised?
not quite.
it is Fall, and they, like me,
are unsure of who to be.
till then let's all dwell
in meaningless laughter.
Ricochet off the walls.
On some remark by the World Lit,prof.
it is hardly paradise
if not golden.
hardly
if angels persist
on moldy wings.
On some new girl in tutorial.
her eyes dance
around the room
almost
making us
insignificant
she glides alone here
with her gaze.
dancing the tap dance
in rubber
shoes.
On sum other person in tutorial
sit a little too composed
for comfort.
A class act
practiced all too many times
before.
On new students.
its like a parade of masks
facades
i get lost in plastic smiles
hollow eyes
flash all too briefly in my eyes.
surprised?
not quite.
it is Fall, and they, like me,
are unsure of who to be.
till then let's all dwell
in meaningless laughter.
Ricochet off the walls.
On some remark by the World Lit,prof.
it is hardly paradise
if not golden.
hardly
if angels persist
on moldy wings.
On some new girl in tutorial.
her eyes dance
around the room
almost
making us
insignificant
she glides alone here
with her gaze.
dancing the tap dance
in rubber
shoes.
On sum other person in tutorial
sit a little too composed
for comfort.
A class act
practiced all too many times
before.
The meanings of words are not in words,
They are in us.
-Hayakawa.
Reading the Odyssey for World Lit class.
Fun!
Abu says, itna hee pasand hai to English kiun nahee ker leti?
i dunno..
*starts getting indecisive again*
-x0
eeda
They are in us.
-Hayakawa.
Reading the Odyssey for World Lit class.
Fun!
Abu says, itna hee pasand hai to English kiun nahee ker leti?
i dunno..
*starts getting indecisive again*
-x0
eeda
Saturday, September 6, 2008
dreaming with a..
big long ramble.
and i mean BIG.
i got a new phone.
with unlimited incoming calls 24/7.
funny how the one person i was most looking forward to talking to,
the one person that might be THE reason i got the phone so i could get the new plan,
is the one person that wants to break off all ties
and not have anything to do with me anymore.
All or Nothing.
and since u are not, cannot be my all, you will be....
it's funny how my own philosophy is coming to bite me back hardest.
but where shall we go?
im blissfully blind and you
are tired of dancing with blindfolds.
no road out of this tavern. you can only go back.
u noticed how indecisive i am.
you noticed how scared i am.
you noticed how fake i can be.
you noticed how there's so many me's for different occasions, different places.
i wonder why is it that my family of 19 years fails to see it so clearly?
i used to think that self control couldnt possibly take so much out of you so as to be of any significant consequence. wrong.
it can RUIN ur life. and i see it already.
i wonder why is it that i can never stand up to them. ever.
i wonder why is it that they don't see what's happening to me but i do. i am so many different people trying to keep so many other people happy that i'm losing track of who i am.
i think the internal struggle is getting too hard for me to bear. i will either completely subside or completely break out. and being the chicken i am, i know it will be option one.
that puts ur 5 months worth of effort to absolute shame.
think of it this way, those 2 months were probably the best months of my entire life.
tum chalay jao gay because we're too different. maybe we're too alike but i just cant be that person because of all those reasons, and you are me as i would be and that's what attracts me.
i dont know.
so where does that leave us? what should i tell you that hasn't already been said,mulled and in my case, cried over?
i know the answer. even if it all works out, it wont all work out.
ah. gotta love the pessimistic realism. the realistic pessimism.
what else do i know? as of right now, you as you stand, as i know you and whatever little i do know of you, i can see myself being plenty happy with you for a very long time, it's just sad that my own parents will not let me indulge in such a decision.
i sometimes wish i could die, only so that i'd b reborn again and live life like i wanted to. or to run away so far that no one would know me and i would know no one and re live my life from scratch. maybe then the happiness would truly be worth it.
is their happiness worth mine? i thought that way. is wanting happiness for yourself at the cost of others selfish? i dont know.
i wasn taught that way. i was taught to make happy, no matter what it took.
i see how its killing them, but then i'm no different am i?
i think i am or have become too weak to want to work towards anything otherwise.
yes, that's why i give in too easy. u were right.
and ezra, maybe you were right too..
ur altruism will bring you down.
im too used to you being there and restoring my sense of inner normalcy. you remind me of the purest me.
like i said, that keeps me sane.
so where do we stand now? i dont know.
when i met you, i thought u were arrogant and obnoxious and you thought i was a headstrong bitch who was out to do her own thing.
life teaches you a few things. finding out how limited first impressions are is one of them.
u said that this was it.no more.
two things.
one, i was miserable all day.
two, i was ecstatic when u proved me wrong.
i feel safe when im talking to you somehow. that i dont have to fake or pretend.
i've never cried so easily in front of anyone,never laughed as sincere and as hard, never done as much.
you know what i mean.
no regrets? still none.
like i said, it was more me than i knew me.
i know the answer to all this iffy-ness like you say.
i don't like that answer very much.
do you know that when the first time you told me we should stop talking,i got very very very fearful? enough that it felt like my heart was physically being constricted and pushed against my ribcage until it shattered? the kinda fear that rises up your throat like bile.
you leave me fearful.
i am scared that i will lose not only you but a whole big chunk of me that i never knew i had, never knew was me. the chunk that took so long to be rediscovered, and this time around, cherished.
that it will go back to how it was and all this would be in vain.
i wish i could sit everyone down whose put me in that spot, and explain all of this to them.
can't shan't shouldn't wouldn't couldn't didn't.
i want this, just this one, positive.
we'll make it work somehow. the stubbornness will go away.
it'll change.
lies.
i wish i could convince myself long enough for me to convince you too.
and then the entire world.
in another lifetime,...it'd be different.
lekin abhi kia karein?
and i mean BIG.
i got a new phone.
with unlimited incoming calls 24/7.
funny how the one person i was most looking forward to talking to,
the one person that might be THE reason i got the phone so i could get the new plan,
is the one person that wants to break off all ties
and not have anything to do with me anymore.
what do you want me to call it?
forget it as a summer fling.
forget it as a summer fling.
All or Nothing.
and since u are not, cannot be my all, you will be....
it's funny how my own philosophy is coming to bite me back hardest.
but where shall we go?
im blissfully blind and you
are tired of dancing with blindfolds.
no road out of this tavern. you can only go back.
cracked like an egg.
i
i
dont even begin
to know
how to heal
or how to howl
its funny how you noticed all these little things bout meto know
how to heal
or how to howl
u noticed how indecisive i am.
you noticed how scared i am.
you noticed how fake i can be.
you noticed how there's so many me's for different occasions, different places.
i wonder why is it that my family of 19 years fails to see it so clearly?
i used to think that self control couldnt possibly take so much out of you so as to be of any significant consequence. wrong.
it can RUIN ur life. and i see it already.
i wonder why is it that i can never stand up to them. ever.
i wonder why is it that they don't see what's happening to me but i do. i am so many different people trying to keep so many other people happy that i'm losing track of who i am.
i think the internal struggle is getting too hard for me to bear. i will either completely subside or completely break out. and being the chicken i am, i know it will be option one.
that puts ur 5 months worth of effort to absolute shame.
think of it this way, those 2 months were probably the best months of my entire life.
tum chalay jao gay because we're too different. maybe we're too alike but i just cant be that person because of all those reasons, and you are me as i would be and that's what attracts me.
i dont know.
so where does that leave us? what should i tell you that hasn't already been said,mulled and in my case, cried over?
i know the answer. even if it all works out, it wont all work out.
ah. gotta love the pessimistic realism. the realistic pessimism.
what else do i know? as of right now, you as you stand, as i know you and whatever little i do know of you, i can see myself being plenty happy with you for a very long time, it's just sad that my own parents will not let me indulge in such a decision.
i sometimes wish i could die, only so that i'd b reborn again and live life like i wanted to. or to run away so far that no one would know me and i would know no one and re live my life from scratch. maybe then the happiness would truly be worth it.
is their happiness worth mine? i thought that way. is wanting happiness for yourself at the cost of others selfish? i dont know.
i wasn taught that way. i was taught to make happy, no matter what it took.
i see how its killing them, but then i'm no different am i?
i think i am or have become too weak to want to work towards anything otherwise.
yes, that's why i give in too easy. u were right.
and ezra, maybe you were right too..
ur altruism will bring you down.
im too used to you being there and restoring my sense of inner normalcy. you remind me of the purest me.
like i said, that keeps me sane.
so where do we stand now? i dont know.
when i met you, i thought u were arrogant and obnoxious and you thought i was a headstrong bitch who was out to do her own thing.
life teaches you a few things. finding out how limited first impressions are is one of them.
u said that this was it.no more.
two things.
one, i was miserable all day.
two, i was ecstatic when u proved me wrong.
i feel safe when im talking to you somehow. that i dont have to fake or pretend.
i've never cried so easily in front of anyone,never laughed as sincere and as hard, never done as much.
you know what i mean.
no regrets? still none.
like i said, it was more me than i knew me.
i know the answer to all this iffy-ness like you say.
i don't like that answer very much.
do you know that when the first time you told me we should stop talking,i got very very very fearful? enough that it felt like my heart was physically being constricted and pushed against my ribcage until it shattered? the kinda fear that rises up your throat like bile.
you leave me fearful.
i am scared that i will lose not only you but a whole big chunk of me that i never knew i had, never knew was me. the chunk that took so long to be rediscovered, and this time around, cherished.
that it will go back to how it was and all this would be in vain.
i wish i could sit everyone down whose put me in that spot, and explain all of this to them.
can't shan't shouldn't wouldn't couldn't didn't.
i want this, just this one, positive.
i have missed you. this is just the beginning of that feeling.
we'll make it work somehow. the stubbornness will go away.
it'll change.
lies.
i wish i could convince myself long enough for me to convince you too.
and then the entire world.
in another lifetime,...it'd be different.
lekin abhi kia karein?
meray baad kis ko satao gay?
-Yeh jo halka, Nusrat fateh ali.
-Yeh jo halka, Nusrat fateh ali.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
maybe being so happy isn't a good thing.
he's pulling the plug out. i dunno.
not 'cuz he doesn't like me, but he likes me too much.
and but this that hum tum le fin
but there is no us. there can be no us. 'cuz he's not me and i'm not him and we're worlds apart.
and i know this and he knows this but im blissfully blind and he's tired of dancing with blindfolds.
and its too close and we're too close and it chokes 'cuz since you're not my everything in the end there will be none remember mainay kaha tha ke tum bhool jao gay remember how you've always proved me wrong and called back remember kay ab kuch nahee remember kay tum.
dont
remember.
you have perfect memory.
ab kia karoun?
what will i do?
kill me with kindness.
Sana J said once.
Because you are everything and I don't want to lose you either. Not unless you promise to return.
And not before I've held your hand.
I dream of that more than anything else.
word.
cracked like an egg.
i.
gham.
im.too.egotistical.to.admit.how.reliant.i.was.on.you.and.how.you.made.my.day.
in.the.smallest.of.ways.and.how.i.am.so.shattered.right.now.i.dont.even.begin.
to.know.how.to.heal.or.how.to.howl.
yeh sub to hona hi tha na?
i cant just say hota hai to this one, and smile, and walk away.
aisaynaheehota
this is the calm chaos part of it. the chaotic-calmness is over.
khatam.fin.finito.end.over.intiha.ikhtitam.finish.
dont tell me its his fault. and that he isnt worth it.
fuck it eeda its karma. u did this to momk remember? u did it to him.
ab yaad aya kaisay tha?
laugh at ur own miseries curled up in ur own fingertrips.
he's pulling the plug out. i dunno.
not 'cuz he doesn't like me, but he likes me too much.
and but this that hum tum le fin
but there is no us. there can be no us. 'cuz he's not me and i'm not him and we're worlds apart.
and i know this and he knows this but im blissfully blind and he's tired of dancing with blindfolds.
and its too close and we're too close and it chokes 'cuz since you're not my everything in the end there will be none remember mainay kaha tha ke tum bhool jao gay remember how you've always proved me wrong and called back remember kay ab kuch nahee remember kay tum.
dont
remember.
you have perfect memory.
ab kia karoun?
what will i do?
kill me with kindness.
Sana J said once.
Because you are everything and I don't want to lose you either. Not unless you promise to return.
And not before I've held your hand.
I dream of that more than anything else.
word.
cracked like an egg.
i.
gham.
im.too.egotistical.to.admit.how.reliant.i.was.on.you.and.how.you.made.my.day.
in.the.smallest.of.ways.and.how.i.am.so.shattered.right.now.i.dont.even.begin.
to.know.how.to.heal.or.how.to.howl.
yeh sub to hona hi tha na?
i cant just say hota hai to this one, and smile, and walk away.
aisaynaheehota
this is the calm chaos part of it. the chaotic-calmness is over.
khatam.fin.finito.end.over.intiha.ikhtitam.finish.
dont tell me its his fault. and that he isnt worth it.
fuck it eeda its karma. u did this to momk remember? u did it to him.
ab yaad aya kaisay tha?
laugh at ur own miseries curled up in ur own fingertrips.
emo meaning?
hey..
batana bhool gayee..
tum jub mujh se naraz hotay ho na, i get very scared that ull do a Golf on me and stop talking.....naraz nahee hoya karo..
and if u do get mad, please tell me why ur mad so im not sitting there rackin mi brains out and tryna rememebr every word ive spoken in the past 1 hour , which isnt easy..considering half the time i dont even think about what im saying..
all the more reason for u to NOT take me seriously and get mad.
i know i know. u said u weren't mad, but i could tell u were mad.
and listen peeved and ticked off are still forms of 'mad' okay? albeit diluted ones.
tumhay kia pata nahee how much i miss u?
u tell me ive gotten very emo over the past few days. i dunno kiun..shayad i miss the way we were, when everything was so new.
when everytime u called me that way i got chills up my spine.
u dont say it very much anymore. i dont say jaan too often either.
hav we reached that stage that we dont need to say those words , cuz its understood?
or say it so rushedly that the other person barely hears it, 'cuz u kinda sorta want them to hear it, but not quite, cuz sumhow it makes you weak and wanting and dependent, and that's scary?
pata nahee.
u know what irks me? us din u didn't answer armie's question.
still, saying good night gets harder every night.
he said-you know, since i've met you, i've started liking that word emo.
me-hahahah..uloo! why?
him-it's 3 letters of oooey gooey mushyness. it reminds me of jello.
and mashed potatoes.
and haleem.
me-Haleem?! that's not emo at all!
him- ur right. that's gangsta.i know, doooooood, CUSTARD! that's Totally emo!
me-*laughin too hard to reply*
sumtimes when our conversations run like that,i forget that we're 'supposedly' both mature people and that you are technically supposed to be older and wiser.
they tell me these phrases i say often.
uloo
jahil
sahi bataein?
mazaq ke ilawa!
soooo cute!
excuse me while i go find a better vocabulary.
*jal-ing*
there's drama a-brewing in paki. they've gotten me involved.
7300 miles, and they STILL managed to get me into it.
that's family for u, kaheen na kaheen se dhooond nikalen gay, kahan bhago gay?
kitnay aadmi thay?
-Gabbar Singh.
bahaha..sumhow the word 'drama' reminds me of that line.
u know whats funnier? we're somehow related to the chap.
the actual actor who played that role.
aaaaaaaaah the irony.
sleepy time.
neend arahi hai.
more bakwas to follow later.
Wada!
*evilness*
-eeda.
batana bhool gayee..
tum jub mujh se naraz hotay ho na, i get very scared that ull do a Golf on me and stop talking.....naraz nahee hoya karo..
and if u do get mad, please tell me why ur mad so im not sitting there rackin mi brains out and tryna rememebr every word ive spoken in the past 1 hour , which isnt easy..considering half the time i dont even think about what im saying..
all the more reason for u to NOT take me seriously and get mad.
i know i know. u said u weren't mad, but i could tell u were mad.
and listen peeved and ticked off are still forms of 'mad' okay? albeit diluted ones.
tumhay kia pata nahee how much i miss u?
u tell me ive gotten very emo over the past few days. i dunno kiun..shayad i miss the way we were, when everything was so new.
when everytime u called me that way i got chills up my spine.
u dont say it very much anymore. i dont say jaan too often either.
hav we reached that stage that we dont need to say those words , cuz its understood?
or say it so rushedly that the other person barely hears it, 'cuz u kinda sorta want them to hear it, but not quite, cuz sumhow it makes you weak and wanting and dependent, and that's scary?
pata nahee.
u know what irks me? us din u didn't answer armie's question.
still, saying good night gets harder every night.
he said-you know, since i've met you, i've started liking that word emo.
me-hahahah..uloo! why?
him-it's 3 letters of oooey gooey mushyness. it reminds me of jello.
and mashed potatoes.
and haleem.
me-Haleem?! that's not emo at all!
him- ur right. that's gangsta.i know, doooooood, CUSTARD! that's Totally emo!
me-*laughin too hard to reply*
sumtimes when our conversations run like that,i forget that we're 'supposedly' both mature people and that you are technically supposed to be older and wiser.
i say too much.
what i didn't say was that this us,
this me,
is like a chaotic calm.
but not even that. not close.
what i didn't say was that this us,
this me,
is like a chaotic calm.
but not even that. not close.
they tell me these phrases i say often.
uloo
jahil
sahi bataein?
mazaq ke ilawa!
soooo cute!
excuse me while i go find a better vocabulary.
*jal-ing*
there's drama a-brewing in paki. they've gotten me involved.
7300 miles, and they STILL managed to get me into it.
that's family for u, kaheen na kaheen se dhooond nikalen gay, kahan bhago gay?
kitnay aadmi thay?
-Gabbar Singh.
bahaha..sumhow the word 'drama' reminds me of that line.
u know whats funnier? we're somehow related to the chap.
the actual actor who played that role.
aaaaaaaaah the irony.
sleepy time.
neend arahi hai.
more bakwas to follow later.
Wada!
*evilness*
-eeda.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Numerical
1st day of uni.
2nd roza.
2 hour line-up for book buy-back and new books.
1 hour Psychology100 lecture.
3 hours in transit
3 odd hours with drug on phone/net :)
happy end to a longggg day.
didn't get to talk to Ma though, cuz khala thought id gone to sleep. :S
maybe its a good thing, all shes done lately is to yell at me for pointless things to get her anger out.
not her fault, shes in paki. the Auntie jaan's there are gettin on her nerves.
on all trillion plus nerves that we have..
heck with a trillion aunties you could use 'em as substitute for a very unique form of slow and painful capital punishment.
and i mean aunties as in Auntie Jees.
let's keep the gore out of this shall we?
2nd roza.
2 hour line-up for book buy-back and new books.
1 hour Psychology100 lecture.
3 hours in transit
3 odd hours with drug on phone/net :)
happy end to a longggg day.
didn't get to talk to Ma though, cuz khala thought id gone to sleep. :S
maybe its a good thing, all shes done lately is to yell at me for pointless things to get her anger out.
not her fault, shes in paki. the Auntie jaan's there are gettin on her nerves.
on all trillion plus nerves that we have..
heck with a trillion aunties you could use 'em as substitute for a very unique form of slow and painful capital punishment.
and i mean aunties as in Auntie Jees.
let's keep the gore out of this shall we?
i remember the nights, you know i still do...
-Bryan Adams
-Bryan Adams
Adams
Add-arms
Alarms.
Neendddddd..
Coffffeeeeeeeeeee..
pst. i Love def jam poetry.
listen to this one by Shannelle Gabriele , and this by Shihan.
AWESOME stuff. this is poetry not as its written, but as its said.
that takes talent.
(coming from someone who was and is terrible at reading stuff out.. no, more like TERRIBLE. it sounds more like my first word is playing tag with my full stops; i'd be finished before you even see my mouth opening.)
-end bakwas-
11:11..make a wish...
-eeda
Add-arms
Alarms.
Neendddddd..
Coffffeeeeeeeeeee..
pst. i Love def jam poetry.
listen to this one by Shannelle Gabriele , and this by Shihan.
AWESOME stuff. this is poetry not as its written, but as its said.
that takes talent.
(coming from someone who was and is terrible at reading stuff out.. no, more like TERRIBLE. it sounds more like my first word is playing tag with my full stops; i'd be finished before you even see my mouth opening.)
-end bakwas-
11:11..make a wish...
-eeda
Monday, September 1, 2008
magar mujhko lota do bachpan ka sawan..
10 points for those who recognise that song.
*<3 jagjit..sumtimes!!!*
i just stuffed my face full of the randomness that we call food lying around the kitchen, at 4 30 am.
still doesn't quite seem like Ramadan's here.
i miss ammi ke parathay and her fretting that i wasn't eating enough and would definitely pass-out midway through the day.
dealing with ''adults'' gets tricky sometimes. all the time. but hm, cliched line coming up, they do have your best interests at heart i guess.
it's easier to believe that than khoon-jalao-ing
i miss Home man. ssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
i took the boys out for icecream at McDonald's a coupla days ago. made me wonder if deeju still gets to go out too..if sumone still spends their entire pocketmoney taking her out for icecreams and her favourite Giros and fanta. if she gets to run around the park then insists we go down to the beach and dip our toes in before sunset. if she still sleeps snuggled like a koala bear with ADD who can't sleep without squashing/hugging/choking you every 2 seconds during the entire night.i rememebr i never got enough sleep then, but i used to love it.
i miss my baby. sumhow she used to make everything okay.
-end nostalgic rant.-
it's been,,give or take 9 months ish..3 more and i'll b thereeeeee..
Yippppppeeeeeeeeee..
SCREW all passport people.
me thinks now that mi tummy's stopped subsituting for a balloon about to burst at the seams ,i can sleep.
g nightttttttt.
scratch that, g'morningggg duniya waloun. rise but don't shine.
(we're already brown and shiny..any more shine and non-brown folk would wear sunshades around us..... and we'd wringing out our faces for oil, to put in cars and food and the like.)
eww-y thought. loool.
let's further make ur day shall we? limited edition baby picture of me coming right up.
(it's funny how i always had this permanent why'd-you-slap-me-for? look when i was a kid.
and GAWD the terrible hairstyle.it grew longer and curlier eventually but ammi seriousli? the palm-tree ponytail? Eeek!) sucha pappu.
then.
we.got.wiser.
xo
-eeda
SCREW blogger.com for losing my formatting everytime i publish this post.
I'm gnna miss swearing whole-heartedly during rozas. shiatness.
*<3 jagjit..sumtimes!!!*
i just stuffed my face full of the randomness that we call food lying around the kitchen, at 4 30 am.
still doesn't quite seem like Ramadan's here.
i miss ammi ke parathay and her fretting that i wasn't eating enough and would definitely pass-out midway through the day.
dealing with ''adults'' gets tricky sometimes. all the time. but hm, cliched line coming up, they do have your best interests at heart i guess.
it's easier to believe that than khoon-jalao-ing
i miss Home man. ssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
i took the boys out for icecream at McDonald's a coupla days ago. made me wonder if deeju still gets to go out too..if sumone still spends their entire pocketmoney taking her out for icecreams and her favourite Giros and fanta. if she gets to run around the park then insists we go down to the beach and dip our toes in before sunset. if she still sleeps snuggled like a koala bear with ADD who can't sleep without squashing/hugging/choking you every 2 seconds during the entire night.i rememebr i never got enough sleep then, but i used to love it.
i miss my baby. sumhow she used to make everything okay.
-end nostalgic rant.-
it's been,,give or take 9 months ish..3 more and i'll b thereeeeee..
Yippppppeeeeeeeeee..
SCREW all passport people.
me thinks now that mi tummy's stopped subsituting for a balloon about to burst at the seams ,i can sleep.
g nightttttttt.
scratch that, g'morningggg duniya waloun. rise but don't shine.
(we're already brown and shiny..any more shine and non-brown folk would wear sunshades around us..... and we'd wringing out our faces for oil, to put in cars and food and the like.)
eww-y thought. loool.
let's further make ur day shall we? limited edition baby picture of me coming right up.
(woh kaghaz ki kashti. woh barish ka paani.)
(it's funny how i always had this permanent why'd-you-slap-me-for? look when i was a kid.
and GAWD the terrible hairstyle.it grew longer and curlier eventually but ammi seriousli? the palm-tree ponytail? Eeek!) sucha pappu.
then.
we.got.wiser.
xo
-eeda
SCREW blogger.com for losing my formatting everytime i publish this post.
I'm gnna miss swearing whole-heartedly during rozas. shiatness.
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