done deal!

i am now
OFFICALLY
on the fast track to becoming Mrs.Ali
MashAllah!

OMG OMG OMG
OMG OMG OMG

still waiting for it to sink in!!

more details later

-eeda

the call has come, therye on their way.
clothes hair nails in check, smile plastered on and heart a-flutter, flowers and gifts ready at hand.
what is this awkward state of affairs?the whole family sits breaths indrawn, waiting, ticking clocks and hands,
careful not to cease the perfectly ironed shirts, the polished shoes.
mom fiddles around in the kitchen, keeping me out of sight lest she bursts into tears again, sobbing on my shoulder telling me she
doesnt know how she will live without me.
patchy start; late arrival in toronto, bad weather, guests and a new city lead to delay.. my dad is upset, being a man of word and time (barely) except when it counts. this counts. i bite my lip praying for them to hurry, and hoping to delay this time as logn as a ican before i will have to face them.
the sky is a perfect blue,having won over last nights torrential rains..the yellow sun bathes the city centre in a golden glow outside my window..im typing restlessly to take my mind off the yawning pit in my stomach, the jittery fingers, the constrained breath.
such a clash of two worlds i fought so long and hard to segregate into two separate entities..fire and ice coagulate into a ball of frozen tar with a soft cherry pink cottoncandy inside. my dad calls it a rock-solid foundation for the relationship to come.  i cannot believe it is happening, in the Here, Now, Present.
i need to breatheeeeeeeee breatheeeeeeeeeeeeee breatheeeeeee... loved ones message consolations and hope. i hold onto them like flimsy scraps of paper..

going to go and pray now, need some divine moral support on this one... counting down seconds...

-eeda

fate

and just me now...

convo with S while theyre driving up here...

sleepy coconut jaan.

and this was interesting...not that i terribly believe in it.

 

so. lets see what this good news is? and skip the fact it says irfan...longgggg story -_-

-eeda

.

Meet The F

amilies.

not fockers. the siddiquis and the ali's. tomorow. at my place
H-OMG.

i still can't believe it. too good to be true? it's true. does that mean its not good?
did Cinderella's feet really fit that shoe? Was the apple really poisoned?
What happens to those princesses AFTER they get married anyways? how come theres no princess story about marital problems?
blind-sided fools.

i'm oh-so-nervous. there's no butterflies, its elephants in the stomach..and the heart...and intestines. and in that general direction..and... in tu-tu's. i can't sit still. i'm jittery. anxious. excited. nervous. hopeful. questioning. yearning. snappy. blissful. pale. quivering. blushing. defensive... i dont know.

in 24 hours, it will be over. in 24 hours, i will know.

ya Allah, madad.

-eeda

4 to 22.

haey. eeda buddhi.

i was a girl, except

when they removed my ability to move, disapp

roved my right to excuse myself

from discomfort.

i was a girl, except

i was silenced, licensed

to be doormat, eternally, not

speak for my sanity.

i was a girl, except

they disrobed me of my human essence, vul

nerable in their presence, na

ked and shivering, ash

 amed, at their mercy, a-quivering.

i was a girl, except

now, i am a woman.

without choice, without consent,

enforced role, profuse grief

no room to breathe.

-up and down it goes, where it stops,

ain't nobody knows.

question: would you continue to fight for yourself, basic rights nothing too exorbitant, even if your fire burnt everything around you, everything you touched?

if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

i'm suspended in the middle. 

-eeda.