FORGIVENESS

I find no difficulty in forgiving
man,
and woman,
though that
can be somewhat
exacting,
on occasions.

BUT
only if,
every molecule of my skin
turned to dust
before my very eyes,
dust
that would cover
the shame of centuries:

only if,
the pungent waters of my sweat
flood out to disinfect
and wash away
the pain infested streets of history;

only if,
my tainted blood
became flesh,
meat everlasting
for subhumans of the world;

only if,
I died
each minute
of the day
that someone nicer than I,
had life,
and love,
and good looks too,
redeeming my ugliness;

then,
perhaps,
I might,
forgive God.


-- Adam Zameenzad c) 2008


i seek solace in knowing that God Himself
is all forgiving.

-eeda

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode? -Dream deferred, by Langston Hughes. photo credits by sweet_as_hell on deviantart.com

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last
-Charles Daniels.

photo credits- Embrace by Alistersvperstar.

This blog for all those who'd kill me if i didn't blog within the next two days.
*ehem marina cough ehem neelo cough cough*

ahaha.i love u two.
o, and i love conversations bordering on the sexually inappropriate that often spring out of the mundane things. like chocolate.
*ehem chun chun ehem*
-for more details look into the 45 comments on the blog post below-

which reminds me, the one time i do a blog post about the most twisted stuff in my head i get 45 comments (albeit the fact that half of them were mine)
mhmmmmmmm.....me thinks we need more of those.

following is a compilation proving that brown aunties= major desperados LOOKING to get u hitched.

1, ' picture time'
aunty- oh beta picture khichwa lo.
me- haha yeah phir ammi ko bhejon gi.
aunti-kis kis ki ammi ko? kaun hay jus ki ammi ko tsveer bhejwa rahee ho?
me- O.o

old aunty- mujhay to eeda ke sath tasveer khichwanee hai.
me-aha sure!
old aunty afterwards to khala-
mein woh india ja rahee hoon na novemeber mein. woh tum eeda aur meri tasveer mujhay zroor forward ker dana.
*evil plan a-hatching*
me-O.o

me- ahan mera bachon wala glass kahan hai shazia aunty?
aunty-tum abhee bachi ho?
me- Yupppp
aunty- kuch nahee hota.. jo bhee tumhay le jaey ga na woh tumhay bara ker day ga.
*knowing look*
me-O.o

-me arranging chairs for the aunties-
aunty-haey, jo bhi tumhay le jaen gay bohot lucky hon gay, bohot kaam kerti ho.
me-O.o


yeh. it was kinda sorta very extremely sad.
i don't think they could probably digest the fact that i was still single and hadn't started shooting out babies like an automatic machine gun yet.
Disastroussssssssss...


so. hm. with drug gone camping for three days, i had a little lack of things to keep me occupied.
-understatement-
so i hung out with ze khala.
and ze family.

it was all good until she started hinting at the whole 'ammi ko bta doonnnn gee' na na na na..
i was pissed.
and frankly at my wits end.
nadir bhaiyu PERFECT timining to call, i YELLED..not just yelled i BELLOWED it out..to the point that i'd give paki politicias a run for their money when it comes to throat-ripping rants.
so yeah, noone was home, and i yelled it out, then subsided into an emo ive-had-enuf crying mess.
i know. it was icky weird. its SO not my thing.
i was thinking about that afterwards too.
-eeda ur gettin TOOH emo-

kher. that helped a lot.
he in turn yelled at me saying tht id become her slave and i need to u knw, lern to stand up and say no ..tht she was disrespecting me as a human and that was not allowed in any culture religion so on..
he's a wise guy i know.

kher. hmm..sunday was the long eid party as discussed earlier. reason to get dressed up and all prettied out, which is weird cuz i haven't done that for a while.
too much of a tomboy i know. aha which reminds me,

-on the fone-
drug-can u PLEASE be scared of SOMETHING?
me-nup
him-spiders?
me-no.
him-lizards?
me-not at all.
him- ARGH
me-why does it matter?!
him-i'm a GUY.i have to be able to protect you from SOMETHING.
me-*snort snort*

yes ew i knw.
but so yes got all dressed up. bling blue chunri suit and all that.
shazia aunty- u know ur childish look has gone and u look..complete-er.
yes shazia aunty that makes a wholeeeeee lot of sense.
yes its because u might hav forgotten but i just put my contacts and my dentures back in, which is why i looked complete-er.

hokayyyyy.so.
all's well that ends on a rainbow somewhere with butterflies.
i dont see no butterflies...yet.

me thinks i've hit a good solid desicion.atleast im not so painfully undecided anymore..i think?
i do like him. but not enuf to marry him. i think so.. our differences have been getting painfully glaring lately, and its making me think.
re-think.
point 1. ull never get anyone without flaws.
point 2. ud always mentioned these differences and that we should stop but i waved them aside.
point 3. if i end now il safely join the ranks of being one of the biggest bitches on this planet, considering u told ALL ur friends this weekend about how serious u were about me.
point 4. i'ma do a Golf on u. he did the EXACT same thing to me.

it's so wrong.

i don't want to let go but i have to.
emo much? yes i know.

don't u feel like ur reading the chronicles of the excruciatingly dramatic brown girl?

New York, I love you
But you're bringing me down.
-LCD Soundsystem.

hm.
the weather's been just perfect lately.
u all knw my definition of perfect (windy rainy grey clouds blah di blah) so no 500 word mini novelette on the issue.

i'm thinking i should write something midly profound to atleast end on the blog on a slightly intellectual note, but i'm at a loss for words.
for once.
Ha, eeda. aisa bhi hota hai.

it's my deeju's bday tomorow. i haven't been there for her bday for the last 3 years.
yes i know. it breaks my heart.
she reminds me every time.

there is no place in this world i'd rather be jaan, than have you clinging onto my back liek a koala cub and have you breathing into the back of my neck and whispering quietly,' i love you appi'
like you always did.

The time has come for us to part.

Jaanu it's okay. i still have a little corner in my heart where i still keep the little deeju curled up like u used to be. i still remember your smiles and ur magical hugs that were my cure for any pain inthe world.
and u know that when you go hiding under the table, i'll always come to wipe your tears away and pull you out.

i really wish she doesn't forget that.
or ever feel alone.

all those 'aye kash' things..

im rimble rumble rambling.
so ima go.

note to self, put up paragraph from Kendra's book.

and to all of youse ladies, thankz-youse for following me blogs..for checkingz up, for cheeringz up, fr making me smile.

awh maaaaaan. TOOH much emo.
pith-oooooooeeeeee


i have looked inside your eyes and fallen.
swum
on your irises to your heart.
i saw some faint grooves there, where
my fingers
would fit in perfectly like
a lock and key like
you and me.

i will heal you.


haah xo for now
-eeda.

come undone at the seams.

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

-'Somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond' by E.E Cummings.


''then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.''
-Anonymous.

None of this is particularly aimed at anyone. just kinda fits in.
im in an emo mood.

this little needle inside that keeps ticking...
one wrong move and i..
close.

picture meddled with a little, original 'Sheer Light' by zemotion on deviantart.com
xo
-eeda.

ps. neelo.
TWO posts in one day already.
yes u love me.
yes i know it.
:D
Gunther,
update blog.
pweezy?

ehem.

struck a chord.
simple words.too true.

You always seem to obsess about the things you
can`t have, but when you have it, you don`t
appreciate it, and then you destroy it. When you lose
it, you want it back, but when it`s gone, you
can never seem to understand why you let it go.

new find.

didnt know deviant art did literature.
surprises are mostly almost kinda always good.

Until your spirit attaches robot wings and tries to lift your fingernails off, you have not understood yourself, and you’re not in the dictionary because you cannot be defined. And you must define yourself before you can allow yourself to be written down.

The lost and found is filled
with just lost.

by queen h rosie

some other amazingly vivid stuff.

Lesson learnt.

He was my North, my South, my East, my West.
My working week and my Sunday rest.
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song.
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

- W.H Auden.

ILike.

just one of those things...

Love is patient,love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.

L is for the way you look at me.
-eeda

ps- that chinese script apparently spells out Love too..exquisite.

For want of a nail..

this, to acknowledge i need patience, i need to learn to still the tempest..
following are some chosen lines from one of my all time favorite poem...







-cheers,
eeda.

Of Believing

'In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.'
trust in your dreams ...


-Gibran

Observations..

this blog is probably the most unsuitably named, cuz it has nothing to do with observations..lol
its about,,,hm..little lines from poems and whut not, that mean sumthing to me, tht remind me of a certain time in the past or for sum other deep pathetic reason like that. on with the show..



For years, I measured out my life with your coffespoons.
( from poem in memorium of T.S Elliot, Adrian henri)

There will be time,there will be time.
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
(from The love song of J.Alfred Prufrock, by T.S Elliot.)

And all the megapixels in this world
they couldn''t capture what you mean to me girl...
if a picture's worth a thousand words
a million pictures couldn't speak for her.
(from If only, by Gabe Bondoc.)

you are the distance
between the accident and the telephone box
measured in heart beats
(from What you are, by Roger McGough)

If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.
( from Bumper Stickers, facebook application)

The sight of you leaves me weak
There are no words left to speak
You're too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you.
(from Cant take my Eyes by Lauren hill)

so that's about all i can think of now...jus tiny phrases ive got stuck in my head, snippets of songs and all..things to add-> songs by liefhouse, gentlemen don't, by gabe bondoc, and sum other quotes tht ill hopefulli write down here sumtime...i knw ths posts been a lil too cheesy but like they say, ive got a gud excuse...blame it on the Valentine...hahaha..or lack thereof, but oh well..

all for now, gtta go make dinner after,,,dunno,,a long longgggg time..
love all,
eeda.