Resolution.

Things to do today #1.

I ......won't worry my life away...

-The Remedy, Jason Mraz.

-thus spake,
eeda.

Circles.

think ive done circle as a title before too eh?

circles. cycles. repetition. monotony.
what goes round comes back around and around and around and around and please will sumone stop this crap already?

i'm getting very good a picking the pattern up, the build-up, the confession, the ecstasy,the tiredness,the anger,the heart ache.

frankly, it's getting old. its like watching a movie over and over again, and not just any movie.one of those highly emo indian lets-run-round-the-virtual-fields-with-the-virtual-flowers-and-hug thingies that were all the rage a while back, without any merit too. and it's u on the screen, u playing the lead actress with way too much concealer trying to hide the warts under the chin, the moles on the nose, the scars.
u know ur lines, when to bow,blush, smile,simper,desert and walk of the stage. and u know at the end its just a fantasy, the Case of the Glass Slipper. and yet u choose to do it over and over and over again.
in urdu, that's called a himaqat.
in lay-men's words, idiocy.

i look for a cure. i look for the not-this-time's.

-eeda.

Hakuna matata..

to drug, thanx for the simplest of all lessons--> no worries.

ther's a lot of b.s coming in what with khala having to go and them tryna look for a place for me for me to stay at while they're away for like 6 weeks ish....sometimes i feel like the trash noone wants, tho that's not strictly true...they want me, i just cant see miself wanting them..like how voluntarily and happily would u go living in a place that's going to be a military school pretty much,...strict schedules, no goin' out nothin......and it's supposed to be summer and this term's been pretty shitty as it is what with not being able to go back and taking two of the three shittiest courses for business and all that jazz... life does suck eh...i miss home man,,miss being able to be Completely lame and rolling round the floor in fits of laughter..can't remember when was the last time i had that in the past 6 months..sad realli...


an then jus when the nostalgia and the emoness and te anger threatened to take over, I saw this postcard. and just for a while, i forgot mi mum's cynicism, aunt's nosiness, uncle's taunts., i forgot the daily mess of intricacies, the tangled webs.






-im on an emo rave. mayb it's pms.
too much info??!?!! lol..

(edit)
acknowledgment--> u make me smile. realli do. =)

-eeda.

Of prophecies..

I could have been Nostradamus.

Eeda89 (5:37:02 AM): its gna sting alot after


And oh hell yeh, it sure did.
Does.



(p.s- does anyone agree with me that I'm wayyyyy too emo for my own good? I'll end up as a pile of rottin' mush one day, prolli 'cuz i watched one too many soppy movies.)

p.p.s. i miss you.

-eeda

Epiphany.

misnomer, but who cares.

'O what a tangled web we weave When we first practice to deceive.'- Sir Walter Scott..

wise words.
don't you just hate them sumtimes?
why do they have to be so true?


to u 1- i miss u alot man..why u got to b weird like this? seriousli!
to u 2- note to self...stop ...jus dont dont dont.
to u 3- get a move on.
conclusion to self- stop makin' tangly webs.


end rant. or well, end of beginning of rant. whatever.
6 am. been awake all night. let.me.sleep.so.i.make.more.sense.later.

-that's all folks.
anddddddddd good night to u too.
-eeda.

ps. ---the two o's in too remind me of owl eyes. which reminds me of harry potter. which reminds me of dumbledore, who is obviously very flamboyantly gay.
its funny how owls remind u of homosexuals at 6 am.
*chuckle.

For want of a nail..

this, to acknowledge i need patience, i need to learn to still the tempest..
following are some chosen lines from one of my all time favorite poem...







-cheers,
eeda.

The menial details.

first, the emo image
.

soooooooooooo,
i've been a-thinking..
(yes that's been known to happen.)

aren't those what blogs are about? the menial details? no matter how much you dress it up, we're all here to ramble about how we stereotypically broke our nail and how prince charming lost the glass slipper. Again.

i like my metaphors.

what i don't like is that ive lost mi sense of privacy with this blog. It used to be unlisted, and i could bullshit about whatever the hell i wanted, from chipped toenails to split-ended hair to drama,politics, music to i dunno, for the want of a better word, even emoness. its sad tho how ur reality creeps in everywher, 'cuz even on the net u end up making identities for ureself, be a different face for a different face (shamelessly misquoted from T.S elliot.) but seriousli...u obsess about being too forthcoming or not being it enuf, ....u start to tailor down ur ramblings to the audience but then, uve stopped doing what a blog sets out to do in the first place.., (aside from rambling)..and that's jus being yourself.

- end HORRIBLY cliched speech -

(''be ureself'' b.s..who says that anymore? Malcolm X is dead and gone and Oprah's out-dated speeches are nearing extinction too.)

But since I'm an idealist/ romanticist or whatever you wanna call it, i'll keep up mi cliches.

So, after im done justifying the spiral of nonsense to follow, lemme beggggginnnnnn ....not at the begginning, 'cuz mi descriptions ( which tend to border on the overtly graphic) of me being born, then running around in diapers, then potty training...don't think much of anyone reading this will be left with an appetite after that...for babies anyway.

i talked to Golf again. I'm sorry for the use of VERY bad code-names but its safer that way. It was more of a hey, jus stopping by to check on you thing. See i shudnt be over analyzing it like I'm normally inclined to do, ( anal-yzing it rather....LOL) but yeh., jus the fact that he decided to even stop by is something in itself 'cuz he's been avoiding me like a New-age Bubonic plague.... it's been awkward 'cuz well,,,, he started it, the entire thing... ( sounds so childish...''it was himmmm!'') then he ended it, ( ''wait, do i even know you?'') now hes starting it again (''oh so i DO know you...wait, what was ur name again?'') ..
it's pretty b.s if u ask me...but i knw hes been online for days sitting and wondering if he shud or shudn say anything..,,'cuz i know him well enuf to know he'd do that.., and no matter HOW selfish and terribly conceited it sounds, i'll b honest and say that i'm glad he went thru that discomfort...just to know how Horrible it feels like when somebody just stops talking to you out of the blue, or you know you have to start a conversation which very possibly won't even make it past the how-are-you's. in all fairness, it was all ur fault.
there, end of another ramble.

hmm...it's weird how i dont feel like studying anymore...i used to think that mi compulsion with perfection would never or rather, could never be cured...but hey, i did it. ...its like a late rebellion, just liek Mr.Shinkins predicted.... i have three midterms this week, back-to-back, and i'm sitting here pouring mi guts out to an electronic screen. Very classy..Very desperate rather.. Actually, it's Nerdy even, except I don't play Gameboy,and i DO have a social life, thank you very much.

no i don't read books on C++ languages as a light-read.

and hmm..about the Drug, im hoping he wont read this for a while..i dunno, he's like...hm....a fail-safe system...it's kinda like part routine now to come home from wherever and be feeling realli shitty for whatever reason , and just sitting there and ranting the hell out and just singing whatever in most crappiest of voices. i dont wanna get too used to it 'cuz good thngs always do end at sum point, stark reality of things..and no its not pessimism, whatever Nadir says. i've given up on armie and mine's theory of 'better safe than sorry' too.. you cant forgo whut good's there for what worse will be, eventually. .. i know this is way too mush nd secretive nd emo and all, ..bt thats just me..

to roachie, i miss missing you...it's sad how people change roles in your life so easy..how ur left with lingering memories and when u think of the person now, it's like, '' they can not possibly be the same one person.'' ..people r different people to different people. and tht keeps changing too.

u know what else bugs me? aside from waiting and not knowing? it's not being able to speak ur mind to someone....that's just murderous. u never know , they might be thinking the exact same thing as you, bt cuz of stupid egos, which im oozing out mi ears btw, u jusot sit there cuz ur too proud to bow down and say sorry or ask for help r whatever it is that needs to b said..good example? me and roachie.. i tried bowing down SO many times bt it kept being labelled needy and emo and what not. simple solution. walk away from them and make them realize the exact same thing. and it works.
that'll be my lesson learnt for today..
alllllllllll about the manipulation baby.. all about how you play your cards.

hmm....dont have a lot to say anymore....shud prolli head out and study for kines lecture midterm..bullcrap about anatomy and health and fitness and all that.....honestly, it's something straight out of a goody-two-shoes doc's journal,--'exercise, eat well, sleep on time,'' blah blah.. as much as i'd aspire to do that in a perfect world, i'm human..jus wnna live it, hav fun and then die easy... if that for having one too many oily french fries, then so be it.

and now, i rest my case(s)...lol...
xoxoxo
-eeda..

Ramble

.....( 'cuz b.s is My thang).....

two amazing first-time-for-evrything-records for this year:
1- ate fish without throwing up (see* below)
2-lived 6 months straight without being pummeled by bro, sung for by sis, screamed at/danced with/ sung with by mum, lectured/pampered by dad.
that was emo.

oh yeh, the *..i ate fish and promptly discovered i hav a fish allergy. yay. but it onli acts up if i have too much of the stuff., as in 3 days in a roww... not yay. there goes my perfectly valid and red and itchy excuse....
too much info.

oh, another thing..... to my drug, i know ur reading this... ( this is why i have stalking thingies on my profile.)bwahahahaa...i like acknowledgment. it tells u, hey u, yeh u, u aint the only one watchin the world. (read as stalkin')...u got sum watchin low-lives watchin u back too. aside from the F.B.I yes.
wow aren't u feeling all special now. lol.
oh, and 6 words to u. i sing but u don't along.
had to say it.lol
and also, thank u for evrything.

speaking of acknowledgments, this one to roachie, even tho i knw ull never read it here but w.e, ima get it out... u keep sayin u miss me and this that b.s..well genius the only way to fix that is to actualli try talking to me. one on one. no group chats Dont count. its pretty shitty the way uve been thinking otherwise.
dude, when there's trash sitting there, itll stink.no, it'll bask in its odour.
OBVIOUSLY
..which is why u clear it away and dnt let it stink anymore. honestly, for a person under the assumed impression of intelligence, u really are pretty dumb.
i know u can OBV tell this paragraphs an edit. i added it at 4 am, and i hav a reason. so dont hate.

back to the blah.

iced cafe caramel frappes are the best thing to hit the planet since laptops.
wait, ...i think frappes came before laptops?
nevermind. this timeline, order-in-which-things-came thng is nt my cup of tea ..or coffee..or (*insert name of liquid drink here*).Regardless, the point has been made.

aight, nuff crap for now. will continue this (*insert swear word here*) later.
my vocab's on vacation right now.
there will be no more insert-this-here's.
the terrible terrible innuendos. looool.
tsk me.

g'night ya'all.
-eedums.