The menial details.

first, the emo image
.

soooooooooooo,
i've been a-thinking..
(yes that's been known to happen.)

aren't those what blogs are about? the menial details? no matter how much you dress it up, we're all here to ramble about how we stereotypically broke our nail and how prince charming lost the glass slipper. Again.

i like my metaphors.

what i don't like is that ive lost mi sense of privacy with this blog. It used to be unlisted, and i could bullshit about whatever the hell i wanted, from chipped toenails to split-ended hair to drama,politics, music to i dunno, for the want of a better word, even emoness. its sad tho how ur reality creeps in everywher, 'cuz even on the net u end up making identities for ureself, be a different face for a different face (shamelessly misquoted from T.S elliot.) but seriousli...u obsess about being too forthcoming or not being it enuf, ....u start to tailor down ur ramblings to the audience but then, uve stopped doing what a blog sets out to do in the first place.., (aside from rambling)..and that's jus being yourself.

- end HORRIBLY cliched speech -

(''be ureself'' b.s..who says that anymore? Malcolm X is dead and gone and Oprah's out-dated speeches are nearing extinction too.)

But since I'm an idealist/ romanticist or whatever you wanna call it, i'll keep up mi cliches.

So, after im done justifying the spiral of nonsense to follow, lemme beggggginnnnnn ....not at the begginning, 'cuz mi descriptions ( which tend to border on the overtly graphic) of me being born, then running around in diapers, then potty training...don't think much of anyone reading this will be left with an appetite after that...for babies anyway.

i talked to Golf again. I'm sorry for the use of VERY bad code-names but its safer that way. It was more of a hey, jus stopping by to check on you thing. See i shudnt be over analyzing it like I'm normally inclined to do, ( anal-yzing it rather....LOL) but yeh., jus the fact that he decided to even stop by is something in itself 'cuz he's been avoiding me like a New-age Bubonic plague.... it's been awkward 'cuz well,,,, he started it, the entire thing... ( sounds so childish...''it was himmmm!'') then he ended it, ( ''wait, do i even know you?'') now hes starting it again (''oh so i DO know you...wait, what was ur name again?'') ..
it's pretty b.s if u ask me...but i knw hes been online for days sitting and wondering if he shud or shudn say anything..,,'cuz i know him well enuf to know he'd do that.., and no matter HOW selfish and terribly conceited it sounds, i'll b honest and say that i'm glad he went thru that discomfort...just to know how Horrible it feels like when somebody just stops talking to you out of the blue, or you know you have to start a conversation which very possibly won't even make it past the how-are-you's. in all fairness, it was all ur fault.
there, end of another ramble.

hmm...it's weird how i dont feel like studying anymore...i used to think that mi compulsion with perfection would never or rather, could never be cured...but hey, i did it. ...its like a late rebellion, just liek Mr.Shinkins predicted.... i have three midterms this week, back-to-back, and i'm sitting here pouring mi guts out to an electronic screen. Very classy..Very desperate rather.. Actually, it's Nerdy even, except I don't play Gameboy,and i DO have a social life, thank you very much.

no i don't read books on C++ languages as a light-read.

and hmm..about the Drug, im hoping he wont read this for a while..i dunno, he's like...hm....a fail-safe system...it's kinda like part routine now to come home from wherever and be feeling realli shitty for whatever reason , and just sitting there and ranting the hell out and just singing whatever in most crappiest of voices. i dont wanna get too used to it 'cuz good thngs always do end at sum point, stark reality of things..and no its not pessimism, whatever Nadir says. i've given up on armie and mine's theory of 'better safe than sorry' too.. you cant forgo whut good's there for what worse will be, eventually. .. i know this is way too mush nd secretive nd emo and all, ..bt thats just me..

to roachie, i miss missing you...it's sad how people change roles in your life so easy..how ur left with lingering memories and when u think of the person now, it's like, '' they can not possibly be the same one person.'' ..people r different people to different people. and tht keeps changing too.

u know what else bugs me? aside from waiting and not knowing? it's not being able to speak ur mind to someone....that's just murderous. u never know , they might be thinking the exact same thing as you, bt cuz of stupid egos, which im oozing out mi ears btw, u jusot sit there cuz ur too proud to bow down and say sorry or ask for help r whatever it is that needs to b said..good example? me and roachie.. i tried bowing down SO many times bt it kept being labelled needy and emo and what not. simple solution. walk away from them and make them realize the exact same thing. and it works.
that'll be my lesson learnt for today..
alllllllllll about the manipulation baby.. all about how you play your cards.

hmm....dont have a lot to say anymore....shud prolli head out and study for kines lecture midterm..bullcrap about anatomy and health and fitness and all that.....honestly, it's something straight out of a goody-two-shoes doc's journal,--'exercise, eat well, sleep on time,'' blah blah.. as much as i'd aspire to do that in a perfect world, i'm human..jus wnna live it, hav fun and then die easy... if that for having one too many oily french fries, then so be it.

and now, i rest my case(s)...lol...
xoxoxo
-eeda..