ill call this one... -crumblecake-

its not like i dont have things to be grateful for. i do.
but family is far, friends are further, and nightmares are still too close to home.
i am grateful for us, the most beautiful time ive known.


i wish there were things, other than heartache, to talk about.
but really, what is the point of recording the momentary in-betweens?
thats whut disney and fairytales are for.



i think of u in between spaces and screams, bus rides and rain drops,
phonecalls, shattered window panes, hysteria and grief.
the numbness spreads behind the facade, freezing nerve endings, synapses to
feel no pain show no signs of annhiliation lest
you break your resolve. this
is for You, afterall. I
refuse
to crumble at your feet, you need
to leave me behind.
(crawling in your wake).
Heartbreak underrated, what are we to name
this shattering of soul, of faith,
Hope. no words to name the
Nothing that is left
(of you, of i)


what wudnt i give to hear from you again?


pathetic.
bleargh.
Eeda. you are stronger than this.
yes u are. u are. u are u are u are. even if ur alone within these mocha coloured walls, so far from home. even if you dont know anyone in this house of familiar strange faces, even though at night you will no one to call upon when you start seeing faces in the shadows again. even though there is nothing ot fall back upon anymore,
even then, you will be stronger than this.
please?
please.