we

found love in a hopeless place.

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some said i was an (early) settler.
perhaps. people may say. maybe i say it too, to speak the lie i have been told.
but truth be told, while i did have the wild romanticism needed to keep the core of my poetic soul in tact;
i also knew the ways of the world and kept my reality in check. i knew my values, i knew my worth, and while i may not have known exactly what i wanted, you knew. enough for you and for me and for the both of us. enough to tease the misgivings out of my mind and light my eyes with inspiration. enough, to get us here.
and somewhere, somehow, something in us ticked in together.
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there were no starbursting violins when he spoke or when our eyes met, but digital media can do that to relationships. there was however, harmony. and peace.
and while there wasn't surprise fireworks, or fancy dinners or bollwoodesque romantic escapades, there were escapades.
real, firmly grasping onto this world escapades. where we did sit by lakes and held hands like an old married couple. or walked to the petrol station at 5 am for candy, or had you sweep me off my feet for piggy back rides, or watched movies huddled in blankets over shared styrofoam platters of leftover boiled rice and chicken kebabs.

this is reality. real love, not mired in fairytales and grime.
i could've kept waiting for prince charming. and violins. and red tipped roses. someone who sang prosaic verses to my soul and stared me down with amber eyes and amber lips, serenading my secrets in kisses across my skin.

but this happens in our minds and heart. or also in reality. but us, tortured romantic perfectionists, so caught up in fine-tuning the details of our 'love', we forget what is happening is just that..love.
albeit not the love we wanted but the love that is. the love in the eyes of my lover, husband, best friend, when he says that he hates mondays. it is when he miss me the most.

there is nothing hollywood about that. but my heart feels the eerie squish.
and sometimes, you don't need the roses for this feeling.
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i used to wonder how someone could understand me when i hadn't myself felt that instantaneous affirmation that my own soulstrings had unbounded to let him in. but he says so. and he proves me wrong everytime the little hesitant nag goes off in my brain screaming, but how Could he know me so well?
well he does. somehow.

and he knows me well.
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life teaches you interesting lessons when u have faith. u live in black and white hoping for technicolor, but it is only when u re-examine past memories does everything glare up in colors brighter than you could imagine. you feel that sweet awakening, perhaps, it really was as sweet as you had hoped it to be..only in hindsight.  had you not been directing this one-person romance you would've felt his presence. resting his eyes on the fallen trees behind you but always with the protective grip around your waist.

in hindsight.
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quite the learning experience it is. love. what intrigues me to him, and to it, is that it is nothing i imagined before. and everything i had hoped it would be. in its own way.
only once you have your peace with its free-flowing uniqueness do you begin to appreciate the technicolor dreamrealities of love. and of companionship.
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i miss you hugging me outside home depot and the Italian cafe as we waited for our take-out. i miss squinting in the sun in your arms, laughing and kissing you and holding you away from the world.
it may take me time yet, to know you, to let us evolve into one, but bear with me, as i know you will and as i know you have. you may not serenade with violins, but you are always there for me with your patience, faith,stability and above all, the most tender of loves.
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i could list down my most favourite memories with u over my trip to newyork, last month's 21st, but i wouldn't know where to begin. the forest, or seeing the deer, or holding hands by the lake, or the ride to LI from NJ, or the room, or..the car. the intensity in your eyes. the most heartfelt of a goodbye.

all i know is, it IS beautiful with you. and while i acknowledge the rocky climb we left behind and one which still lies ahead, that is what makes for the most beautiful and most valuable of journeys..

in short, i love you Husband. here's to nearly two months of official, and 3 and half years to the unofficial Us.

-eeda


ps. a little unsolicited advice-> you don't need two fully trusting hearts in love to have faith. faith alone will bring the love you both desire.