circular awakenings

while at G uncle's home last night, his wife enquired about my schooling. i told her my stories of acievement, excellence, with as much humility as i posess, as much as stating fact as possible. she looked at me and said, 'i told G since i first met you, that you were my ideal. how a daughter should be, how a girl should behave. your mother in law in so very blessed that she didnt have to do anything to get a wonderful daughter in law like you'
i told her that had my parents not overworked overstressed and bent themselves backwards for my upbringing, i wouldntve been this way today at all. sure it meant a tough childhood, but the hardwork now speaks for itself, when in a crowd.
'it absolutely does' said she, admiringly.

...................................

later that night on the phone with my mom, i told her this episode. she got quiet for a bit.
then she said, 'you know what i was thinking earlier this afternoon? that i really did push you all toooo much for ur education when you were younger, i shouldntve done that. and i thought this to myself and thinking about it, i just started crying.'' she finished her sentence, and dissolved into tears again.
her words felt like balm to my heart. years of feeling like i wasn't good enough, it was so much undue pressure, i would collapse collapse collapse...those biting feelings started to soften, ice over...
'ma, ur hard work then is paying off, people are in awe and you aren't there to witness it, that's the only tragedy now. had you not been the way you were, i wouldn't be me. '
and that's the truth. it really is.
.................................

how funny it is that those roles are now reversed? i acknowledge the goodness that came of it and she's just starting to see the downfall...and the goodness too im sure.

sigh.lesson learnt in time.
life is a very funny business indeed.


-eeda