so much has happened.

s ended in the hospital with a black and blue eye, goose egg.
midnight calls to tell me he may not be alive. he may never walk again. he...
doesnt remember anything.
(he's ok now, i'm not)
10 days later, frantic flights halfway across the world because ammi in the hospital
N got a divorce.
the shattered sighs of my brother cutting across my heart as I pull myself together, watching him sign divorce papers for the love of his life
rushing back to a relapsing husband
chaos
world pandemic. american civil war.
return of A.
we bought a house for stability
its better. nothings better. everything is.
i dont know.

i am not myself. i dont know who i am anymore
i thought id always find myself in the madness but now, living for him and him and her and him and him and her and him and her , i
don't know where in the equation i even have space for myself
probably nowhere

i started therapy. meaningless mumble in circles
xanax hlps my heart from breaking out of my chest
the unfortunate side-effect of which is that my heart
seeks to break out of my chest even more
baaghi

i hide in the complete destruction of my eyelids
drooping heavy with sighs that are uttered from other throats
curled on a bed of embers
shreds and pieces
flesh stained sheets of flesh
im wrapped unwrapped neither here nor
there, but everywhere
i see myself, but dont
see myself at all