Weeks.
What a whirl wind. From hearing that first heartbeat, to approaching every milestone with trepidation and fear- is the fetal pole there? The egg yolk? The amniotic sack? Is there growth? Is the heartbeat continuing?- I can’t believe we made it through. Alhamdolilah.
Sometimes I still look at my tiny little belly in awe. I have waited so so so long for this. Now that we are mostly out of the woods, I’ve finally let myself embrace the happiness. And God, the joy. It fills every fiber of my being. It’s like holding your breath and struggling and fighting with no end in sight for so so long- 12 years long - and finally finding warm, golden, joyful, balming relief.
Not to say S is magically sober, he’s not though he’s trying. Not to say I’m not stressed anymore about Pakistan. Or there’s no drama. Or that my first trimester was terrific (it wasn’t, it was absolutely dreadful with the non stop nausea, not being to keep anything down even water, or the weight loss, or the hair loss, or the exhaustion) But I KNOW now that I won’t be alone. Someone out there will exist who is mine. It’s. I don’t know how to explain it in words.
Surreal.
This little baby of mine I’ve dreamt so so much of, every dream a boy and Ofcourse, we found out it IS a boy…. I just can’t wait to meet. To hold.
This one is for you my love. My unnamed child. The soul of my soul. I have waited an eternity to meet you. And mama can hardly wait to have you in her arms.
e
1 comment:
So happy to read this Eeda! As you say, it's been a long wait but I'm so happy that it's progressing so well. I know the journey is tough but as you said you will have a beautiful child. I know you'll be amazing and I wish you all the best. I can't wait to hear more so please keep updates coming.
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