Matrix.

its like being in limbo.

We act like
2 strangers in a parallel world
who remember that they knew each other once
but aren't quite sure they did
or willing to admit to.

-eeda

(ps- sorry to quell ur hopes, but no, this is'nt an outdated review about the movie of the same name. u can go cry now.)

2 words.

The End.

Dilemma

'Life is about seeing how far you can push'
-Terry Pratchett



The funny thing is, I know I'm in a tight fix.
I know that I gave in, which is why I got here.
I know that there is no easy way out.
I know that either end is gonna hurt.
Very much so.

Sometimes it's good not to know. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

crap that i also know- I know this is not any doing favors to my stomach.
It hurts like the..hmm,, *thinking weird analogy*
crushing a flower petal? being punched in the gut? being punched in the gut Rambo style?...
that, and stomach flu...AND my nerves...SO cool..... SO blissfull.
yeh there's enough sarcasm in here to coat up every darn cookie in every darn Starbucks in just the neighborhood.........and that's saying something.
and that's my not-so-weird analogy for the day.
and oh, not darn Starbucks. I love that place, stereotypical as it is. Shoot me yes.
what else do I know...,, .Ima wait till 11:11 today to make a wish. Apparently it works. Lame.
and I also know i should study..
and I know this is me signing out now..
NOW.

Ran-Dumb

randomness ith me...man...
two words fo today, liberate ureself, son! haha..
had to put the ghetto in ther..
oh yeh thats three words, how clever of u to notice.

yeh,,so by liberate, grab a coffee,,sit at the highest point at uni, stare at the ocean. go home, change into a ghetto hoodie, grab ur ipod, run a mile...go to the kiddies playground..sit on the swings and flyyyyy..( shush , thats a secret! dont judge!) BUT ah man.,, seriousli, try it....lie horizontal on the swing, and close ur eyes...AWESOME feeling...
man im SUCH a kid..bwahhaha.....its gud to be just u sumtimes..
--end emoness--

and oh, check this out! it made mi day.....
SHO cute...



latah then foo's! lubju all...
sorry for the incoherent mushiness....its a phase
*deal with it* Bwahahahahah

eeda.
xoxox

Awaken

im tryna think of a good analogy to describe how im finalli back to mi blog..hmm..think sleeping beauty minus the romance....gotta keep it halal u know? bwahaha
man wher do i start,...past 2 months have been busy...and englightening in more ways than one..that does not mean i had light bulbs hanging over mi head, quite the opposite..its quite grey and dull here,,still raining and surprise surprise, even snowing...vancouver's not had its lack of suprises, believe u me...anyways..big events of the last 2 onths...er...oh we had a snow day at uni...snowed so much all transport up the mountain to uni ws cancelled and i ended up staying over with a buncha girlls..realli got to know sum cool new people..so on...and hmm...oh , ahlaam got maried...quite cute realli..in a very ...happy ending fairytale version.islamicli too..met at MSA, fell in love, proposed ..waited,,married....perfect nah? bwah..no shit, u kiddin me? its a fairytale man.
shams stopped talkin to me too...it stings, blows,hurts, annoys, breaks, shatters ...all of that jazz.....but oh well,,, shit happens, poop occurs ...so is the way of an unconstipated life.
mi uncle happened again too.....seriousli, i think he must have been a super class nerd at his highschooll which is why he's carrying out his very 15 year old touchy feely fantasies out with me...totalli uncoool....( repeat comment about unconstipated lives)
but yeh, it did lead to an onslaught of nightmares/self-pity/guilt/paranoia...whutever u wanna call it..i decided to find my own turtle shell wound round mi back and took a big break from the world..skipped classes an entire week ( still tryna make up for em !!! :P ) but tell u wha, u step back for just a second and tell ureself u knw ..i need to heal before i go on tackle the world and tell people thru facebook or msn or myspace or wh.e crap u use that, i'm fine , yeh sure i'm fine....sumtimes, that doesn' work anymore....w.e...im ram-bling again...think the ram part of tht word has to do with the fact that im aries, hence the ram-iness...as for the bling,...dunno man i never been much ghetto so no bling ther, but hey i AM desi and as far as im concerned, or should be, i gotta keep up with the pre-defined prefernces i should have..being desi....one of which is obviousliii,, LOVE the bling..bring on the gold baby......
NOT..
anddd hmmm.....i dunno im writing here after so long it feels weird..kinda like talkin to a stranger......
ive been out of like any poetic inspiration for a while now..slightly unsettling, in many ways....its good to b up with ur creative side and so on.....nerd...geek....wuhevaaaaaa.....
..
anyways..whut else..unsettling thought, sumone told me i look way older than mi 18 years..well id been hearing that for a while now ( ACK, female stereotypical paranoia,,,, the question, 'do i look old in this? ') man i dont care,,but they said i look old in spirit. Whats THAT supposed to mean? how can u tell anyways? is my shadow bearded and caned and wrinkly with knobbly knees? ( tho u can leave out the bearded part..ima make sure i wax the darn thing till the day i die!) but anyways, the comment has led to,well not directly,issues.....i had an aunty checkin me out at ahlaam's weddin for her son, who incidentalli , happens to b in the MSA with me and whom i avoid like a bad case of spatteregroit which is an entirely fictional disease from harry potter..no i dont avoid him rather he avoids ME simply cuz desi guys here have got the whole reshpect/ dont-look-a-woman-in-the-eye thing but elevated to the point, they appear totalli deaf and dumb around us..another analogy? think male Helen Kellers with the manners and without much of the testosterone.
im getting weirder by the second, woohoo me...
but yeh, so shes all liek ur so pretty , wher u from, kia parthi ho, kkahan kaise kiun ,,not the kaun becuase the kaun's were more than defined in this case...bt it ws awkward cz he ws ther and id been not-so-subtly teasing mi friend abt hookin up with him....bt yeh, i told her, aunty jee that is, that im first year business and shes like ( *momentary incredulity*) first year? ooh..
but yeh, aunties! OMGAHH...not one but 3.........i always thought i was the meld-into-the-wallpaper person..JOKE! hardly..ive been gettin a lot of ,ur-so-loud-confident-troublemaker-insensitive-at-times-ultra-ultra-hyper person....well that's me all figured out...
NOT..again
yay its contradiction day,
and there's mi sleeping poetic side all waken up....yay and day...who knows i might b doing 4 sentences with rhyming ends by tomoro.. * sarcastic eye roll again*
hmm....i think mi mouth or rather hand or imagination or w.e the hell it is has run off with me again.....so lost man,,,its liek 1 31 am..and oh, ive turned insomniac in the full meaning of the word..think vampire, but female and minus the blood drinking tendencies..tho i cud do with sum blood im gettin paler.. bt yeh, cant sleep till like 3-5 am and then spend the whole day ultraaaa hypered up on coffee and pure sleep deprivation and even more purely, me....... by the time i get home im drained man. i just dont hav it ine me to be quiet around people, all reserved and all..i wish i did itd save me the energy...and the occasional hostility. diff story , long issue..mayb talk about it sum other time.
ahneewayss..i miss home..i havent talked to them straight in like .....more than 10 days..thats BEYOND ridiculous..i miss them man..and oh i told mama and khala abt shams, it was hardly worth hiding...bt yeh she, mum that is, promptly told dad and nana nanee and nizam to boot..HOW embarrassing! ABU KNOWS! ..i mean jeesh we're gna go to their house now and theyre all gnna b watchin liek every move i make..... liek a hawk....oohhh,she got up to help his mum, does she liek him? and oooh..and even more scary...dad prolli knows i ws talkin to him on msn..thts jus kinda,,weird now..REALLI weird....i have a feeling mi 4 month vacation in libya is gnna b eventful to say the leaast...
oh yeh, im goin to libya this summer....back Home...which is a good thing..all tht brown food and shtuff...ahhh..feel the love homie ( no, still not ghetto) but yeh..no he's not coming back for a vacation.. do guys ALWAYS break their promises? i HATE it when people walk away w.o explainin why theyre doin it..i mean u knw wha, yell at me, scream, shoot ,rant, call me a bitch, do w.e u hav to, but EXPLAIN why ur movin away..esp aftr u promised u wudnt.....and i blindingly foolishly trusted u breaking mi cardinal rule number 1.-never trust a guy. always hav one foot in the insecurity/he's-a-jerk puddle and ull b jus safe..they hav a tendency to let u down.
so...anti-male. anti-uni rant done..anythng else..hmmm.....no,,im tied of typing now man..its liek vomiting all the negativity out....which is a good thing..i cud go on for a while bt probbli not....hmm...u knw i look at ppl's blogs and i see notes like, i knw i can safely say whut i wanna cuz no one's reading it or i wish sumone ws reading my blog.. .....and i used to think its so lame hoping people will acknowldge u,...so needy........but yeh, ur not the onli one with a life and ppl are far too busy tryna handle their own than to try and straddle urs too in the bargain..bttttttt POINT to b noted before i get side tracked again.i understand that feeling now....is tht weird? yes? no? totalli? ...bt yeh, its good to know sumone out ther, has a tiny idea of whut ur goin thru..connect in sum mysterious spiritual mumbo jumbo way....jus good to knw people care i guess, without the complexities involved.
and with that thought for the day, ima go read mi copy of Twilight, by Stephanie Meyers, which is turning out to be a cross between LOTR and Mills and Boon romance novels tht were all the rage a while back esp in Pakistan....for modern day romance ehtusiasts thts roughyl like..sidney sheldon? no...i dont read romance so i wudnt know....but yeh its set in modern day soceity....apparently the books like The New Harry Potter....modern world, magic or weird creature with pg-11 romance and BINGO u hav a winner.... its good so far th..letsee...i downloaded the book from new software i found called mininova...pretty darn decent for downloadin all sorta crap from ther..i ws like number 62 on the library waiting list and no Mother Patience, if there is one, never did give me any gifts...whatsoever...not even on Very Special Occasions.
SEE ive started rambling again..this egyptian guy, call him roachie, ( thts whut i call him, long story) says tht i ramble...
he must desperately need a life then....unconfused people like to feel confused which they achieve with people liek me....whch i dunno, is SUMTIMES a good thing,,,why go down a straight road when u can hav twice as much fun takin a few zillion short cuts and goin all wahoonie with the directions?
dont ask me whut wahoonie is..i did a blog post perviousli about it already..
K sooooooo im off..ima read mi Twilight then call it a night..well doesn matter whut i call it, the stars r out, winds raging and its pretty much oily black with a tinge of plum coloured purple sky outside mi window..no can deny, its night...
crap, i doth ramble wayy too much.
anyways, all for now folks, hope ur havin a good time u non-existent readers of mine...wherever u are...
much love, cuz the world cud do with sum.
eeda.


ps- random ramble, before i go...the much love thing reminded me of how very secretly i am emo....think emu. not emo..and rememebr emu is a bird. as is dodo. is sumone even vaguely following my train of thought here.?
nevermind...
xoxo eeeeds...

Over

he's gone farida,
he let go.

it's time for u to do the same.


what hurts the most
is that we never realli ended, we fell apart.

what hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
bt letting it walk away.

i miss u way more than u deserve.

Consolation

okay so i havent written here in AGES...mah bad! bt yh i did get mi laptop back and i did hav a lot of highschool-type uni drama, aka break-ups,make-ups,make-outs and break-outs ( ACK these pimples!!!1) bt yehh..ths blog will prolli b updated ovahhh and ovahhhhhhh again untill i get all mi recent what-have-u-been-upto's posted down on here! man i feel inspired to write already.....

anyways, so consolation 1 is that im definitely not a nerd ( PHEW!) bt im definitely not hip either! ( er??) i dunno if i shud rejoice or douse miself into C++ programming languages courses to bring mi nerd-o level up.....will consider.



and hmm..other consolation? OOhh i got a rish-taw! like a proposal thng...iwhich basicalli means tht im nt THAT ugly enuf to go by entirely unnoticed......which hm, in retrospect cud imply tht i ws noticed fr all the wrong aka ugly reasons....ahhhhhhhhhhhh........will consider this too ... but man im a gud self-esteem dasher......ppl in need of mentorship apply hea!!!


whut else..im bah bbling..bored bored bored....so um,,ima go..playyy...with mi cousinsss....yehhh...and get mi hair pulled in return....
all fr now!

xoxoxoxox....

Things that Suck

1) Laptop crashin down, at 4:15pm, when its raining, and dark outside.
2)Taking ur laptop downtoan to get it fixed, and the bus breaks down
3)The salesperson says that they'll need to change the entire motherboard, and re-install evrything.
4)They need to keep the laptop in for 3 weeks.
5)yes, that's 3 weeks. 21 days.504 hours.30,240 internet-laptop-deprived minutes.
6) all my assignments, quizzes due, reports are via the net.
7)dumb,struck, getting soaked and freezing your butt off in the cold, passing by four full buses until you get onto the next one.

Yeh, THAT'S how my day was.

And it doesn't stop here, here's the irony,

laptop repair,
costs me nothing ( God Bless Warranties.)
Back-up of files
costs me minimum 80 bucks.
which, im not going to pay for.
hence, no back-up.
hence, i'm losing ALL my files..
ALL of them.



i require trauma therapy.

it's way past the stage wher a mocha would do the trick.

Making my peace.

yesterday night was quite eventful, simply cuz i had...errrr...a major breakdown ?? tht sounds emo to the point of foolishness butttttt...basicalli, i flooded out mi room...and cried..well howled more like..about every little thing that had been pissing me off since i was a kid, tht i HADNT quite learnt to deal with yet....but.,i dealt with em in mi own weird way, and feel Haapyyyyyyy now...lol..last 4 days have been a complete rollercoaster, either extreme happy or extreme sad..but more thn anythin, i feel cleansed now..like, the loads gone..and the hurt and the anger u knw...the 'why the hell did u jus say/do that?' feeling......its settled down and thts EXACTLY why i came to Canada in the first place..to make mi beace..yes beace..LOL..bt lessons learnt, and no regrets.
and oh, i got AWESOME new boots...picture will b up darmn soon i tell ye..
and oh oh, ( LOL) watch ps. i love you..real sweet movie, hilary swank looks swankkk in it and tht irish dude reminded me of high school and shinkins,, ye lad, its a tough ol' life awright..bwah
thts ALL mi nonsensical ( mi sanity has returned mi vocab..YAY) yeh, so all mi nonsensical crap for now..im offffffffff...and up,up, and awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...
can i safely add Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee too without having the Immaturity Police on my back? probably...
so yeh, with feeling now, WHEEeeeeeeeeee...lol
lurveee,,,
eedum dee dums.

And then we say we're human....

there's things in life that dont make sense to me. like, sum quipment for torture i saw at the london dungeons. Hot iron tongs to yank tongues out, Steel collars with sharp points to b tightened round the neck, so on. Horrifying things. ANd i wonder, we call ourselves the Supreme race in all God's creations, allegedly the most intelligent of his creations too. But what a thin line runs between us, and animals. What a very thin line.

following article is about a case of lynching i came across. have a read, but be warned that it will really distress you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Washington

and may his soul rest in peace,..
eeda.

Ecstatic

i've not felt happier in a very long time....
those who are worth knowin know why. looool
YAY for bein' happy.!!!!!
luv u alllll..
eeda.

Observations..

this blog is probably the most unsuitably named, cuz it has nothing to do with observations..lol
its about,,,hm..little lines from poems and whut not, that mean sumthing to me, tht remind me of a certain time in the past or for sum other deep pathetic reason like that. on with the show..



For years, I measured out my life with your coffespoons.
( from poem in memorium of T.S Elliot, Adrian henri)

There will be time,there will be time.
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
(from The love song of J.Alfred Prufrock, by T.S Elliot.)

And all the megapixels in this world
they couldn''t capture what you mean to me girl...
if a picture's worth a thousand words
a million pictures couldn't speak for her.
(from If only, by Gabe Bondoc.)

you are the distance
between the accident and the telephone box
measured in heart beats
(from What you are, by Roger McGough)

If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.
( from Bumper Stickers, facebook application)

The sight of you leaves me weak
There are no words left to speak
You're too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you.
(from Cant take my Eyes by Lauren hill)

so that's about all i can think of now...jus tiny phrases ive got stuck in my head, snippets of songs and all..things to add-> songs by liefhouse, gentlemen don't, by gabe bondoc, and sum other quotes tht ill hopefulli write down here sumtime...i knw ths posts been a lil too cheesy but like they say, ive got a gud excuse...blame it on the Valentine...hahaha..or lack thereof, but oh well..

all for now, gtta go make dinner after,,,dunno,,a long longgggg time..
love all,
eeda.

'nd miles to go before i sleep'

hey hello holla howdy other H-words of greeting,

im finally back from Libya, not that i was in any hurry to get away particularly. oh sorry, is that barticularly? ( libyan side-effects- i.e, missing blue skies, dinners that last till 4 am, not saying Ghaddafi in case the Secret Service erases you from the face of the blanet, and lastlyyyy, not being able to say P, cuz arabic doesn't hav that letter) in anyy case, i had barely stebbed down from the blane and WHAM! truck loads of work, seriously! not to say i was quite surbrised by the fact that beoble actualli missed me round here. yeth, dear ol'd boring lil me..i feel sbecial now, cower down u fools!! haha, onli kiddddin..but i was really touched by all the miss u letters cloggin ub mi faceook that took 5 days to clear out and rebly to..thanx for that...even tho noone that wrote knows about this blace but heck i said my thank-you's and baid my dues, alright!!!

hmmm..so im stuck at uni now, jus came out of a kines lecture on contemborary health issues, all fancy shmancy name for sumthin as juvenile as abc..well R-rated abc at any rate- its about diseases,,,malaria, STD's, flu, herbes,cancer,AIDS all that jazz. so class ended at like 9 30 and mi next class is at friggin 3 30 which means i hav about 5 ish hours of doing absolutely nothing..YAY me.. yawn yawn me more like..friggin jet lag...the first few days i was here i cudnt sleeb, now i cant get too much of it..been dozing off literalli Everywher!! thts another libyan side-effect i guess..hmmm..mimble wimble...im tired and not makin much sense and ramblin bretty much..so i doth leaveee before editing out this whole thing to make sure i didnt mistakenly write a P anywher...haha
and a gud day to u all too...:)
luvvvv ( sobby kind! ( thats soppy btw,,!!) its cuz Valentine's is comin' ub!! hooray for idiotic days celebrating lurrrrrveeeeeee...ew ew ew!!!)
eeda
xoxoxoxox.

*lost*

not the t.v show no.
i know im totalli lost when,
1. i type show as shoe and hav to re-edit blog to fix it.
2. read lacoste tshirt as lactose shirt
and think woah, solidified milk tshirts? yay.

yeh.i know. thats how much of a loser i am.
a loser with an english exam the next day that talks about intentional fallacy and new historical criticism and post-colonial studies. sound like chinese? to me too.

God bless brain-deprived souls everywhere.Amen.

Cotton

yeh..cotton..the thing they drilled into our heads in geo class in grade 6 in pakistan. lol..yeh, thats THE reason why i dont make much sense at any given time., its all the cotton in there. Don't hate.
so anyways, reason 1 y i mention cotton is cuz i had cotton candy with ths guy from my math lab..they were giving it out as part of the stress-relief week before exams at uni ( aren't they considerate?? u think? the exams are a right, B word) and we ate it like kids,-aka makin it sticky, smearin it everywher, and plottin how to stick it to the top of the bald bus driver's head w/o him noticing.
yup, 007 agents at work. life is chill man, its chill.
haha..okay cotton mention part 2, it snowed in the city today and yesterday. it was like cotton balls following down from the sky,,nice anf fluffy and white.. awesome. literalli..awesomness was manifesting itself in the form of cotton look alike frozen crystals. awseome.
my vocab has apparently ceased to function cuz its 1 am.i SAID dont hate..jeez.
so whuts up? nuthin nuthin..class in 8 hours,exams in 3 days, holidays in 9 days,. yay..
and hmm...my grandad told me today he missed me. the 5 months i spent with him earlier on this year were alot of fun and the house was quiet w/o me. and that that time had meant alot to him.
that made mi day.
funny thing is at times we didnt get on well at all cuz of all the visa apllication stress bt yeh, it was jus the thought tht ws nice.
im sleepy and i realli dont feel like writing much here, haha...so ill head off now i guess..
ciao for now,
eeda.