examination time.

do unto others as u wud have them do unto u..
or sumthing.

its self examination time, yeh babay!!!

over the past few days- various people hav been telling stuff about me- bad stuff- tht i didnt know. maybe its time i lookie at miself up closely nd make out mi own faults.. and sum other thngs bout me tht i mayb need to change.

sumone once told me u dont become a weaker person for accepting ur mistakes- ur stronger for it.
it sounds damn hard, bt ima do it, cept i dunt think ill mention who said whut, bt jus whuts been said so far and whut i fugure on mi own., theyre mixed, and in no order, and since im absolutely sure noones readin mi blog now but me- i cn write whutever the hell i want.

1- i stereotype- courtesy david choi, mi music idol. in his chat room when i said sumthin bout him bein asian and not liking math was surprising.
2-im harsh at times
3- im clingy
4-i lie at times
5-i hate miself for some things
6-i get shallow
7-im intimidated by others
8-i get mad easily when people find fault in me
9-i am defensive about miself, mi family and friends
10-i dont stand up enuf to people, when i do, i do it too much
11-im not consistent with what i believe in
12-im hypocritical about sum of mi values, i mean sum religious aspects and mi desi/paki values here.
13-im overly sensitive
14-i gossip, but dont judge- and never backstab. ever
15-im scared of letting people down
16- i try and make everyone happy- when i find ive done sumone sum wrong, it drives me insane for days.
17-i worry too much
18- i stress over the most banal things
19- i let people use me
20-i feel hypocritical that even tho i miss home, i wouldnt want to go back and live ther
21-i feel insensitive for being here when i know mi mum needs me
22-i feel like im a burden on mi dad
23-marriage and death frighten the shit out of me
24-i trust others way too easily.
25-i manipulate? mayb... need to think abt this
26-i procastinate
27-i take advantage of the fact that my aunt is nice to me
28-people who are way richer than me, or better looking, or better dressed, or more sophisticated, more talented, more intelligent intimidate me. the richer because i feel theyre comparing themselves with me- and its pity more than genuine friendship.
29-i rant way too much
30-i used to keep mi life private, and that used to eat me up- now its gettin public, i tell people stuff, nd thats scary
31-i hate being vulnerable- telling people ur secrets or ur weak spots makes u vulnerable, among other things.
32-i dont belive in love as it applies to me anymore- i dont see why anyone guy or friend, would see in me to love/like. which is why i pushed abba away,
33-i hav realli bad self esteem
34-i hate guys- not hate but they scare me. prolli cuz of bad experiences. am i over dramatising here? i dunno, or just on the defensive.
35-i hate getting a cold.
36- i hate acne
37-( i love coffee) i hate thinking im wasting my dads money on petty things like coffee and clothes
38- which is why i dread shopping now..it makes me feel horribly guilty


well thts about all i cn think of now- most of em r repeated bt oh well..theyre genuine, which is whut counts i guess..they come straight from the heart- from the gooeey part that hurts the most.
its like laying ur soul open bare- its scary, nd weird at the same time. cuz u want people to know and not know at the same time..its pretty stupid laying it out in the open in any case. which is why im going to add a number 38 now

39-im dumb

but oh well..like i said noones reading..man its 1 23 i ws supposed to work on mi english bt ive been sneezing so much and mi eyes r so blurry i dnt think ill b able to think straight. shud prolli try and get sumthing down at least.
lifes goin on....not much to write now- ill leave it at tht...will rant or write weird stuff or sumthin bout me later on..
gnight fr now,
me