I sit down to write, but at the end of every sentence I press Backspace as a punctuation mark to end and extinguish the sentence.

How difficult to put in words an experience.
The cornucopia of sights and colour that is Karachi.
The presence of him.

I remain wordless.
Nothing, no words, can explain or even remotely do justice to how I shattered, crumbled and rebuilt myself the past 3 weeks.


How do i explain how the new year sees a new me in so many ways.
So much has changed.
The horror that was last year becomes a dark forgotten ember that I try and erase off my conscience but nothing can remove that utter loneliness and utter despair that made me what I had become.
Had.
Finally into the past tense.


I see the glimmering memory of me on the horizon.The girl who used to revel in laughter at the sight of the first snow, the sound of the tumbling stream that runs below the house, the pure blue of the sky.
I remember her, like an apparition at the edge of conscious. Like a child I knew and loved and lost.
Bring her back.



This isn't what I sat down to write. But there is much to be written, recorded, explained.
There is no more straight paths of getting anywhere. Every shortcut is deception, and will lead you elsewhere, nowhere you wanted to go, nowhere you thought you'd end up.

Epiphany- such is the nature of writing, of idle conversations, of futile attempts trying to explain how a person crumbles,withers, and sweeps back up piece by broken piece to restore oneself to ..not a former glory, but atleast a former normalcy that was functional in the insanity of this world.


no straight paths to anywhere.
Such is the nature of life.



...and of my blog.. this blog wound up in a lot more places than i thought it would..
more later, as I try and find the right words to explain, recount, rejoice, and most of all,
resurrect myself.

Happy new year everyone, hope ur having an awesomeeeee time wherever u are,
and always, to the loyal blogggie friends who harassed me into existence once more,
i owe you one :)
much cheeni and hugs,
-eeda