So,
why do i not write anymore?

I think writing requires emotions. opinions. intensity.
i have deliberately drained all that out of me. shut it all off.
it is easier this way.

it's not a sad feeling.
it's not a i-feel-deprived-feeling. it's a
this-is-how-it-would-be-if-i-was-numb-and-didn't-have-to-care-so-much
about-everything feeling.

i am an electric ant. as said by Paz Soldan and Philip K. Dick.

i do what needs to be done. i enjoy in the ittlebittlenothings that make me smile.

his emoness. his attempts at writing poetry. his insistence on holding on.

rainy weather. newly discovered songs i get madly obsessed with.
iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. kanye's heartless.
almost lover, by fine frenzy. creeative by leon jackson ala michael buble style ala frankie sinatra.

re-discovering oldsongsoldpartsofme happy times.
awaz's mein na mano haar. junoon's jazba junnon.
nazia hasan's disco deewanay. hasan jahangir's hato bacho.
shariq roomi's fikar na faka. abrar's billo day ghar.



uni. studies. call the lawyer/estate agent/ bank/ universities in toronto/ canadian citizenship/tenant/ pay tuition/ get books/ deposit rent/ fix broken laptop/ get new laptop/ fix internet connection/ call net service/ router people/ fix phone/ pay phone bill/ meeet tenant/ draw up posters for MSA/ study for midterm/ write three papers/ buy snow shoes/ visit mum's friends and deliver gifts tokens of thanks metallic mementos like metallic memories.


men-tallic memories? mental-ness.
dimagh is kharab-ing.

dil jo today ussay life mein kabhi na milo..hato bachoo.- hassan jahangir.
GOOD sane advice.


run run run.
bhag bhag bhag.
dodh kudh chalang mar yaar.



i miss pakistan. i miss the khana the smells the chehal pehal the rung.
In this white-coated banality and the grey-coated monotony, there is no other color in between.
and suddenly all people here mimic the same predictability the same mediocrity the same banality of clothes faces personalities expressions routines lifestyles.


i want a flash of the brightest reds and the purest blues and the most glittering yellows to paint my window easel day smile all over again.
dip your fingers into my mind and draw out the golds the greens the untainted purples
dust up my night sky with sparkle fairydust lilac plum mauve move move move me to the rhythm of sound smell sight sense soul.


what do i write about? what more do i complain about?
i will be the old lady in sleeping beauty's tower who spins countless strings and yarns of no meaningful value.
spin little old lady.


im ram bling.
ram for the aries in me.
bling 'cuz that's how i roll. son.
or daughter. depending on choice of gender for off-spring.


i personally don't care. even if i did, i lack the tiny little speckle of d.n.a that would make my X into a Y and hence give me a reason to care about the gender of my future children, considering that my tiny little speckle of d.n.a could either make my kid
1)the fairer (aka chakki-peesing and roti-bana-ing for eternity) sex or
2) the other (lamer) world-revolves-around-my-pair-of-socks-and-i-dont-mean-the-ones-on-my-feet-kind sex.
but since im X squared, im kinda helpless in that department and will be glad for whichever i get.

and kudos to whoever got that. once you're done with my kudos here's some free cheeni beeni.

btw. burst of semi-maternalistic-aggravation-rant above was direct result of 7 hours of continuous baby-sitting today.ACK
i can be excused.


...speaking of being excused, i need to head back to psychology.
im sorry because this was yet again, a pointless post.
a post about not having anything to write about which ironically, turned out a rather long post by my standards.
shit shit shit. need to shut shut shut up.
hurumph. mera munh nahee bandh hota.


this is what happens when the lactose-intolerancy-bug strikes yet-effin-again and i get coffee deprived for over 3 days.
3.omg.days.
*moannnnnnnnn...............*


ehem.
so im off
(off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.)
that is...soon as im done trying to allure sleeping beauty into the tower with my pointless yarn....
pathetic pun intended.
-end disney-ish madness-


more later,
and much love to loyal stalke....*cough cough* readers.
:P
i lubju all.

-eedaaa