i would call this feeling 'being high' but i have nothing really to compare it with.

my mind is floating on silverbluegreen clouds just above my head. i watch it distantly, amused, like someone watches a beetle on its back trying to flip over again.

there is this knocking, tapping sound like someone is ripping apart a keyboard the way a surgeon slices through gums. i am thinking of my teeth extraction sometime soon and im petrified, i have noone to hold.

i actually crave to be knocked into that little black hole again like a starburst in the solar system and time stops and u wake up they tell u 'its over' and its the one ending ur actually happy about. i just dont want to vomit blood and lie in bed like a shivering pitiful caterpillar afterwards.

this here thing is painful and ive realized that among one of the many wonderful side-effects of pain such as pms-ing even when ur not supposed can also include bouts of increased homesickness and waking dreams where ur 20 second walk down the corridor to the bedroom reminds u almost painfully of walking next to the 10 feet tall palm trees lining the coast next to the mediterranean.
the cool whiff of air the pink houses in the background the brilliant gold sunset purple dew and the tp tp tp gentle falling rain, dad racing by in his white Peugot only to stop and dance out in the rain in his black suit at midnight, his laughter shimmering brighter than the staryskies.

i sometimes wonder why it is im letting them down or is it just my hyper over analytical mind that needs to dissect everything on a chopping board and insert needles into this blob of a numb blue brain and ask questions like why-the-hell-did-they-just-think-that and omg-what-now and wtf-just-shut-up im so fucking Delirious.

my mind is racing down the road like a frisbee with no return policy like a horse seen blood like a car without wheels im careening and what do you do when ur chasing round a circular track and theres no deadendsdeadendsdeadfuckingend?

-i need to stop chasing imaginary pink rabbits with multicoloured whiskers and settle down in a corner of the room now-

whoooooooooop
yeah.