it continues to amaze me how much my awereness of reality is fucked up.

i dont realize the impact of my words on other people until they bring my attention to it.

i dont realize how i interact with people, but whatever way it is, it works. i have friends, and thats enough.

i dont realize what im saying half the time, and mostly by the time the words are out of my mouth i've already forgotten what they are.

i feel like my life is a constant whirrrrr.....like a dream in fast-forward, except for brief poignant moments i am really awake, and all else is like a deep dim sleep, at times pleasant and at times with its own nightmares.
im never really alive.

i dont know what it is that im doing right, and what it is im doing wrong, until i am told of what it is.
it gets tough to hear all the wrong in one go.

its not their fault.

i wish i didnt permanently live inside my head, ive forgotten what the outside of it feels like, completely.

and im so deeply stuck inside i cant even become aware enough to care, just aware enough to acknowledge that it is.