the taught us in class today that research proves writing to be a therapy, healing.

i got a hug from the professor at the end of class. a mternal, tender, hold-you-close and caress-the-back-of-your-head and tell-you-it-will-be-okay kinda hug. much needed. maybe one day i will send her this, and she will read it

and if one day you read it Dr.Sabrina; i want you to know that that hug was the most profoundly tender and heart-warming experience i've had in a little while. thank you  so much for being beyond a professor; but a lifeguard to me? there are miracles in strangers who remind you that you are not only strong, you are great..and that greatness shines out through for others to see..thank you for being that 'other' person who reminded me to have faith in that greatness..for having faith in me for one day changing the world..


a little faith goes a long way with the little child inside, begging for justice, hope and above all, love.

things have been busy on the personal front; arrangements for the upcoming engagement , sometime next month his family is coming over to 'see me' cement the deal ,maybe slip a  ring or atleast leave with a date to do so..ammi still hasnt warmed up to the idea of me and him; any talk of him meets her stone-cold blank face and likely no response.

it is beginning to overwhelm me too.picking out the color of bathroom tiles in his basement, i am overcome with  homesickness while still cosy in my room..the thought of moving away, leaving, going into a new house scares me..im apprehensive, nervous, jittery..cold feet (literally) sweaty palms and a racing heartbeat..excitement on sunny days, optimistic plans and imagining lying down beside him, making him cold mayo and chicken sandwiches in the morning, small imperfect little habits...its overwhelming, school is overwhelming, ammi is overwhelming..everything is just...i dont know

 on the flip side..i decided to go to my schools monthly dirty bingo get-together's and homg. clearly. the world has lost its mind. in just one example of absurd perverseness, the lead host (african american male avec moustache and two pillows each for boobs and three for the butt region with black/grey wig) big momma got two girls to have beige dildos stuck between their legs (with pants) pointing outwards to fight each other's..well..fake thingy.

yep. entertainment of the night.needed it after the intense emo session with prof earlier,not that i regret it for one second..just needed something to put a smile on me before i headed home spewing rainbows from my teeth liek i try to.

all for now where updates are concerned..thinking of doing a new blog on profs request.
here goes,

:)
eeda