feel like i havent ranted here ina while...
here goes.

intense week
last classes of the semester
sound poetry classes by a poet with gurgling issues and toad in her throat whose sound poetry sounded like a long and painful orgasm.
with an animal.
world lit profs emailing YOU to get into their classes ( feeling like a dusty old celebrity)
papers bout crappy local poets and fragmentation and I.T in contemporary poetry due in 24 hours worth 25%.
new habit- 2 cups of chai and one of coffee every day.
east meets west.
ph.d/masters English profs calling in from UBC to 'speak to the girl who made so bold a comment at the public lecture.'
of brothers growin up too fast, talkin' about pool and funk and squash and house.
techno techno techno
ida corr vs fedde le grand, lemme think about it.
all nighters,
48 hours of being continuously awake on a self-induced sugar high
discussions of manhood as a taboo in european literature: promoting or inhibiting the circulation of texts.
he stayed up with me.
exam in 72 hours. shit.
joint skype calls with him,his brother,his best friend, and me.
virtual dinners. virtual words.
virtual reality. escape.
high school friends. online reunions. video calls.
nostalgia. the old the forgotten the you.
the me the them.
they've changed. grown older.
sadder.
there was less laughter. more silence.
more sighs. more
news.
no news is good news.
dad. mum. precipice. perception.
jamun tells me the truth. she tells me lies.
she tells me the truth. jamun tells me lies.
which is which?
why am i so bent on believing lies because the truth is too painful?
why am i so bent on believing the truth, because the lies are too painful?
what is it really?
how are they really?
why is no one TELLING me what the hell is going on there?
run run run.
run away from them.
but i can't. i run back to them everytime.
no place like home? no place.
no peace.
watching 1942 A Love Story. too many dead people. too much melodrama.
eik ladki ko dekha to....
the man who used to sing that for me turned into a schizophrenic
who cries to me about his distant brother,sister,his deceased parents
his utter utter loneliness.
and when im the only one with him, i make secret calls from his bathroom,
'i'm alone with him. i'm scared. take me away.'
desert.
desserts. i want chocolate.
chocolate gives you acne. acne leaves scars.
scars don't go.
and pakis talk. about scars. about flaws. about how nothing is ever good enough.
pakistan. blood. tears. drama. politics. family. vacations.
new york. him.
can't wait.
weight.
i've lost weight. they tell me i look gaunt. my jeans look looser on me.
never had too much of an appetite.
canada.
if you want to stay here you'll live by the rules.
our rules. their rules. everyone's rules but your own.
no rules. new rules. fools.
all of them.
me included.

fool for not getting started on my paper already. sigh.
hum chalay dushmen jalay.
ram chand re.

:D
-eeda.

p.s
if u made it to the end of this post,
here's an aspirin.
and a hug.
=)