suddenly, everyone seems to have an opinion about us.

when ammi saw that i was so intensely depressed, she decided to sit with khala and tell her that i was in no condition to face a show-down. so she gave me a direct ultimatum, without the drama: forget him, but in the next two years when ur done with school ad when 'the time is right', if he's still interested then i will do whatever it is in my power to make sure that you guys end up together. However, the final desicion is ur dad's, and i can't change that.

when khala saw that he's a guy i didn't know AND a stranger, (astaghfirullahhowcouldi?) she said, forget him. NOW!. how could you?

when miscellaneous heard of it, they said, BUT he's punjabi! where's ur sense of self-pride and muhajir patriotism? forget him.

when hina saw that i was prepared to sneak behind people's backs and go see him ( in a different country? how could u? how unislamic.astaghfirullah. ) she told me to forget him.

when sabrina saw that he made me happy and heard of the little things we did and the kind of memories i had, she said, how can you ever forget him with that kind of memory? hold on!

(and then hina and sabrina promptly had a massive argument over ownership issues over me, and how they're both butting in too much, and over a general conflict of values.
gawds. brown girly drama. :P)

when his mum saw that i was fluent in urdu, i had a strong sense of morality, and god help it, religion, she said, marry her! what are you waiting for?

so then what. now what.

he says. i don't know.
he says. you're the best that thing that has ever happened me, and God strike me down if i lose something that is this good for me.
he says. we may need to work very hard and things will get very hard but it'll all be okay. it'll be okay.
he says. i'm not letting go of you.


i worry. i cry. i mourn the loss of something that i have yet to feel the loss of.
but then again, you can only lose something which once, fully, completely, undeniably belonged to you.

people don't just belong to other people.

unless you slit.wrists.and.mix.blood.and.then.tell.me.the.red.from.the.blue.
the.me.from.the.you.
tell me then that i don't belong to you?

One trip, one night, one sound, one mind
-Him

what will make me belong to you?

a prayer whispered over by semi-religious mullahs?
a metal band with your name inscribed that burns on the outside of my flesh inside of my skin vein blood soul?
or a proclamation that i accept you unto me and i accept you unto me and i accept accept accept you but let there be a single flaw and i.will.strike.down.onto.you.with.all.your.flaws.and.
strip.you.of.my.title.my.love.my.respect.and.
leave.you.un.loved.un.owned.and.un.belonged.?


or is it when, awoken on a frosty winter night, shivering fervently from the fleeting memory of a nightmare, all it takes is your its okay to still me cold and still me calm?

or is it when i fit perfectly into your curved hollow as if two
halves of one whole?

as if i were..
the other chromosome.
-Him



to bloggie readers, those who do read this.
(hint all disappeared female readers!)
whats your opinion?

-eeda