shukarguzar, the beginning.

let's start at the start, things to be thankful for, a million times over.

i was going through some old pictures today when it reallly hit me. i've had such a great, fulfilling life, Alhamdolilah. my parents are such phenomenal people. I know everyone says that about their parents and if i insist that mine really are then it would be a cliche, but love aside, they REALLY are.
i've never seen any other couple in this world who has made more sacrifices for others, who has helped more people, whether it be money, emotionally, mentally..just whatever way they could.

from my dad always giving rides to random strangers to wherever they need to go so they wouldnt have to walk in the blistering libyan sun, to my mom taking in a new mom and her ENTIRE family and keeping them with us for 2 weeks, because her own mom was in pakistan, and feeding them and their husband, and never complaining, and then throwing her a grand party at the end of it so she wouldnt feel ke unke sath koi bhi kami hui ho, to my dad's endless secret donations, endlessly helping his family, going up to random lost pakistanis in libya and showing them around, bringing them food, taking them grocery shopping so they wouldnt have to take the bus..mein likhna shuru karo to shayad mahinay ho jaein..

my parents have only taught me nothing but love, nothing but self-sacrifice, nothing but pure, unbridled generosity for everyone. they taught me never to lie in a way i did never lie to them. they taught me to never eat from anothers without their permission, to neevr hurt with word or action, to never be a burden and always a blessing.... and ofcourse in the process their own hearts were broken, but they never let themselves break. they ALWAYS told us despite everything to just do good and keep on doing good, tirelessly and endlessly.

we were never a rags to riches story, but there was tough times when all 4 of us minus the youngest slept in one room because thats all we had, to when we had more but even then we slept together for for a long time to save on ac bills,...then to a time where we went to egypt london pakistan all in one year, and it was no big deal.. now, when im married and i think of expenses, and paychecks, only then do i realize what a big deal it was.
what a big HUGE deal it was.
despite the ups and down we always dressed conservative, shopped coservative, never wore branded clothes, were never the first kids with the technology gimmicks but still got everything our hearts desired...

i guess what im trying to say is that the more i get aware of things, the more i realize that this clean mirror heart i weigh the world with is all thanks to them, and no thanks to me. i know no other way.
i can't lie. i can never let a beggar pass me by without giving them something, anything (something S still finds funny and makes a joke of, in loving jest). i listen to others heartbreaks and cry tears for their pain, and i cant help it. i can NEVER say no when asked to do something, even it means upsetting others.
and while these things may be hindrances, im downright PROUD of this. Me. not to boast, not to brag. im not saying i have wings of gold, but i do have a clear heart with a clear conscience, a heart woven together with threads of love, trust, faith, sensitivity to the plight of other human beings regardless of religion or caste, a heart that pulls others up when its breaking inside itself, a heart my parents wove with such earnest and such hard work. and my God did they do a damn good job of it.

i guess the only thing that keeps me up at night is the gut wrenching fear that my own children will never get the greatness that i saw in my own parents my whole life, and that i see in S's parents. these generations are withering away and taking away all this goodness with them. this purity, good-will, good-intention, emaan, achay ikhlaq...such pure gold... what are going to do when its all gone, and all we have left is the faint traces inside of us? old wives tales, folklores and 'hamnay kaheen suna tha'...

i'm counting my blessings every day by day by day. in conversations with others, when im out in the world, the more i learn about the miserable lives other people live, the fact that not all parents are the same. mere ma baap ney waqai mer bohot sath deya, aur aab bhi dete hain. and i just dont know, i really just dont know how i will ever, ever repay them?

-eeda