Meray sath raho gi?

side-effect

i am a woman, and as far as i am remotely aware of the fact, i certainly appear so.
and yes because of the slight difference in gender u may have casually overlooked, i do have to buy things that cater to women.
its nothing out of the ordinay. ur mum uses it too. ur friggin sister too u creep.
so when u stand in line u stupid middle aged desi man, do NOT turn around and peer thru my stuff like im at customs at Heathrow. do not flinch away.do not give me ur silly little snicker. do not check me out from top to toe like im some half-dressed creature from Maxim.
SERIOUSLI.
friggin getting groceries and stuff is liek a pain in the butt. it wudnt be as bad if id been a man and been seen buying like a bra or something.jeez i AM a girl i buy girl stuff but evryone from the friggin brown cashiers to the brown people in line make it sucha huge oh mah gawd.
and its ALWAYS only the brown people.
and oh yeh im brown too, yes thank u for noticing. and yes thank u for also noticing that im independant enough to be going grocery shopping on my own not dying of mortification either.

-end rant-

yesterday was..odd...i couldn't for the life of me sleep till 4 am. think im too used to listening to drug's b.s elapsing into a calm silence before i myself can fall asleep..
restlessness does have its virtues tho, of sorts. i finally talked to Nad, who i havent spoken to in ages, which roughly amounts to two weeks. this is a big deal considering we used to talk at the very least 3 times every day and way into the night,. but i think he respected the fact that i didnt pounce on him for evading me like everyone else has been doing. he explained why he's been out, gave his little justifications...the implicit apology...i don't mind to be honest, u do whut u gotta do.

but its always the silent bystander that people eventually turn back to, because that is the one person who u know will always be there without complaint.

and i talked to my stalker again..interestingly emo chap. u know who u are.

and talked to armie. i was mad worried about her ever since i read her blog, but yeh, she ranted and i ranted and like always, it was all good again.shes one of those people that acts like a tough nut but is all marshmallow inside. i love marshmallows, if theyre not too sticky.
complicated metaphor intended.

i have a massive headache. its sleep+eyesight being messed up. if it's not the back it's something else.
and i have an anatomy exam tomorow.
let me rephrase that for sake of avoiding innuendos,
i have a strictly academic., written anatomy exam that ill do being fully clothed at all times.

She walks in beauty, like the night.
-Lord Byron.

random quote.
sabs is here, ima go study.
xo
-eeda.

.

i seek profundity.
hidden behind fullstops.
in clouds like popcorn across parking lots.
in the words of the great, and the dead and gone.
in the mindless utterances across a million blogs. in the
little rhymes i find scribbled in old notebooks, myself undone. in
your eyes, when you say
you'll stay.



that came out of nowhere. on the spot rant.
This road does have a dead-end.

And in short, I was Afraid.

Taken shamelessly from Elliot's Prufrock. Again.

I will wait and watch and see
your words slip through my fingers.

-eeda.
Be. Live. Believe.

Gold.

few things are Golden.

dad dancing by the sea at midnight.surprise 16th birthdays. fine sand on a beach.old married couples holding hands.tinkling laughter.glowing tans.ancient bells in old forgotten churches.wedding bands.
and long back massages.

to you, you know who you are.
Thank you SO much.


i hit heaven.
no seriousli. i can actualli breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again. im moving and nothing hurts! and it feels SO mad precious. SO liberating. i don't want to move at all or else i feel like ill jinx it.

There was preserved
in her
The fresh miracle
of surprise.
-Jim Morrison.

this one's for u.
'cuz i dont forget things in a hurry.
and it was very very veeeeryy appreciated.

xoxoxo
-eeda.

Speechless.

no words.
MUST watch.

summer

i float along the smell of overcooked barbecues and burnt grass.





blur it till it don't make sense.

argh.

'marry her?
she's hot, but not hot enough.'

fuckin c!



edit...

make up ur friggin mind.

The root

of our problem.

Mental illness
Menstrual cramps
Mental breakdown
Menopause.
Guynecologist


When we have real trouble, it's a Histerectomy.

talk about glaring-in-ur-face evidence.men men men menminamenmin

this is one of my famous no-coherence posts.

while looking at human body charts revising for anatomy exam,
(p.s if thats not sexually suggestive enuf)
h-aawwh u can see the guy's peepee
sabs-so i was saying, wheres the pul....
h-oh its RIGHT where its always been for these many many many years..

bimbo-ness.
bahah..i love em two.

last post ws tooooooooooooooooooooo ehmo. i abologize.
hm....

There will be time, there will be time.
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
-Prufrock, by T.S Elliot

Most people love you for who you pretend to be- Jim Morisson.


great minds.

btw. this is my scary mask. Boo.
oh oh oh...secret.




pst. i had to choose a nicer mask so id hav the guts to put it on mi blog. lame.

'mental dissections of meaningless triviality.'
Gunther, ur Amazing. aaaah...loved it.

hmm...drug's cat, Nala is realli realli sick. he's devastated. i havent seen Nali is soooo long.
it'll be absolutely inhumane if she gets taken away from him.

I can feel the angel, locked in this prison of my skin and bone, my body a shell for this heavenly being. My life is a mistake.
I should be flying with wings throughout the universe.
taken from lil secrets.

okay..enuf of random quotes from random peoples blogs.
2 am ..why the frick cant i sleep?

to my mind.
please.
shut the hell off.


kher...hum chalay dushman jalay..kal milen gay......break ke baad :P
-eeda

Conflicted.

Ankhon mein silay huay ho.
Udhero na
-Arooj

kinda reminds me of a poem i wrote once. its called Of us.

today was.....eventful..
my sanity lied in the fact that i blindly believed everything u said to justify everything u did. but now im gettin proof that u were wrong. holy proof. i cannot deny it. i cannot find a loophole.
kaise kaise yeh kaya palat jati hai.
i do not want to hate you. i do not want to see you as the kind of the person i most despised. i want to respect you and cherish you still, because you have done so much for me.
i feel the safety slipping away. i feel the paranoia rising up my throat like bile.

but i know i'll always love u regardless .u have fought too many battles to get me where i am. today..ur my own blood after all.

the centers of tornadoes are always very
still.

you know what was different about golf as opposed to any other person? he wanted to know.like he'd sit and ask me for 3 hours if he had to. obviously there came a point when he got to know more than he could handle.
and thennnnnn he fled.
more like, emo churail. bachaaaaaooooo.

hahaha

okay scratch most of what i jus said..ws jus talkin to sumone and got everything out which trust me i dont do with people often but i'm feelin gooooooooooddddd......sumtimes people can surprise u.....bt yeh..eventful day certainly.

hmm....i was on the bus this morning. this man was about to get off, so he kisses his 6 year oldish son goodbye who was still on the bus with his grandparents. the man gets off, and waits still, and the son spins round in his seat, and they both wave at each other until they went out of each other's sight.
it touched me.
yes. enuf to be on my blog. im EMO like that.

emo enuf to want to go and watch an emo movie right now.
now where did i put my razor?
-eeda.

Moondance.

just cuz.

[20/07/2008 10:37:25 PM] eeda says: the song?
[20/07/2008 10:38:43 PM] drug* says: for youuuuu
[20/07/2008 10:38:52 PM] eeda says: aaaaaaaaaaaahahaha..
[20/07/2008 10:38:56 PM] eeda says: cupcakeness.

*name changed. no just kidding, his name's cocaine.
LAMEness.

Well, its a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
neath the cover of October skies
-Moondance, By Michael Buble.

Yeh.good times.


i will dance through my days to ballets of pink sunrises and to ballads of clandestine sunsets.

jeez. gettin all poetsy arent we?


me- 'sometimes i feel like i don't grow older by a single year, more like 5 for every 1.'
sabs- 'slow down slow down slow down. let the rest of us catch up.'

yeah.

i don't want to come in the middle. i need just 10% of you ,she can have the rest.
bartering friendships.
tough.
u can't run away from drama can u.

i miss ignorance.

and i stare pointlessly out the train windows and the smoke rising from the factories across the river reminds me of white curly hair coming out of old men's ears.
the kind of old men whose hair looks like floating candy floss.

our relationship has ceased to exist past the are you eating well?sleeping well?
i tack on the quiet miss u's quickly before the click of the dialtone. almost like a cracked ornament. almost like im disgusted to admit the weakness.
three little words.
three little re affirmatives of something much more fierce inside.

I Missed You.

sumtimes i feel like a gushing water hose held tightly at the mouth.
eeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmoooooooo.

if it helps , the above was meant in a strictly platonic way to members of family.

i want to see your hands with
my fingertips.
trace out
your palms like a
fragile, torn
map.
i want to
tiptoe across your
intricate woven paths and
find an
eternal perdition
in your
fist.

don't ask me where that came from. on the spot little thumbelina inspired thing.
blah.

time to sleep.
-eeda

100th.

congratu-effin-lations to me for wasting so much time .
100 posts
100 epiphanies
100 charades
100 facades.

And one man in his time
plays many parts
-Shakespeare

in Goldie's words....it's been Kaleidoscopic bliss.
i love that phrase.
and i got Kaleidoscopic spelt right in my first try.
wooh me.

My nerves are bad to-night.Yes, Bad. Stay with me.
Speak to me.Why do you never speak? Speak.
What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
I never know what you are thinking. Think.

- from The Wasteland by T.S Elliot

This for Gunther, next lines from a poem in memoriam of Elliot.

For years I measured out my life
with your coffeespoons.

CLASSIC .....Ahhhhhhhhh!!..ALMOST as orgasmic as olddddd indian music.
a)im crude i know
b)and into old weird things.

woo lotsa quote-isms today.

hmm....my days are filled with endless expanses

of the great big nothing.

buttttttttttt
the highlight of my day today? i finished a 12 page business research paper AND won an hour and 15 minute long intense ludo game.
Vanity,thy name is woman.
OH and had an iced cafe caramel frappe with extra whipped cream.
*indescribable bliss*

the end.
-eeda.

Dream

intimate candlelit dinner.carriage ride through Central Park at midnight.blanket.home.the person below me. Long Island properties.staying up till 4.
a dream a dream a dream split at the seam.

Let us go then, you and I,
when the evening is spread out against the sky
like a patient etherized on a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets
the muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels.
- 'The love song of J.Alfred Prufrock' by T.S Elliot.

Those lines are Masterpiece. I love Elliot. among other things.

I wrote an 11 page paper today in 7 hours with a 30 minute break, had wayyy stronger coffee than I've ever had, like a LARGE cup of espressos shots in one,ate an avocado hamburger, all at the house of my friend from Uruguay/ El Salvador/ Germany /Austria. Yes. Very normal day.

Interesting story about her parents though. Let's un-romanticize it a little cuz im too lazy to make it flowery. A Kines/Physcs prof goes to a conference, sees a Psychology major 17 years his junior, and falls blindly in love. He lives in Calgary, She lives in Toronto, they write emails and do phone calls like back in the good old days when love wasn't just dinner and a movie and good night in bed afterwards. Yeh okay emails and phones werent around 200 years ago, way to kill it Einstein, but they had letters and rather respectable inclinations bordering on the prude-ish but so the hell what? it was more,,heart-felt. more emo too.
Anyways, back to the story. Their love grew. He came over and obviously dilwale dulhaniya le gaey. (ie. i do and i do and now i declare you man and wife) Now they both live in a gorgeous house cradled in a valley in the mountains up north, with the perfect vegetable garden, house with too many windows, A-star kids and a dog.
Yeh, RIGHT out of a movie isn't it?

Oh, and the icing on the cake, the girl went to school where the Entire Movie of 'John Tucker Must Die' was shot. yeh. don't ask me how its the icing or even remotely sweet/glucose-oriented, but seriously.
oh, and she's done ballet. for the 10 past years.
poster-perfect life.

i Still think mine, with all it's flaws and drama and twisted mentalities, was slightly more interesting. Or (insert synonym for ridiculously) not-ur-average-story at any rate.
isn't everyones?
ramble.

This other time i sat next to a 70 year old german in a flight from karachi to dubai and his entire conversation, which he said while having the MOST ima-5-year-old-giddy-school-girl-with-a-bigger-barbie-than-urs attitude , can be summed in 4 words. 'i LOVE my wife.'
he got a little too enthusiastic and told me a little too much.
my virgin ears.
i haven't fully recovered yet.

Aj raat bhi, neend na aye gee.
Bolo Na.
-Arooj

she's awesome btw. i'm addicted to her songs. click here.

hm. oh. i still feel like a virgin s word armie. i don't know why.
TOO much trash in my life.

and on that happy note, we end yet another hammering tirade of rants, wasted brain cells and pointless contribution to society.
just like a used tissue with someone's name and number scrawled on it drenched in pepsi and tears and dried up regrets contributes to the greater good..
i am TOO random.

may tomorrow bring sense. and amazing pictures from deviantart.
-x's and o's.
eeda.

Home

let us remind ourselves
of easier times.
small things.

the one thing that can make me smile regardless of whut time of day or night it is. my second true love.
after English Lit.

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.'
-John Masefield.

picture's taken from the beach my house back home faces. i used to wake up to this.5 years. Every.friggin.day.
the most amazing thing outside my window right now is the mainroad. row of houses. lampost. the rusty grey letterbox on my neighbour's wall. the brown thatched mat.
i wanna go home bad.
and that Masefield poem? learnt it grade 5 in SJC with Benjamin.
good times.

oh, and i wanna kill golf. he's online and ignoring me. again.
i.want.to.kill.him
how could u man? after Everything we said? everything. lifehouse. golfs. kids. u named them after my name. u asked if i cud have any cz of my back. u blushed. houses. families. car rides. work. walks. weak.
vulnerability
u promised. the first thing u said. this wont go to waste.
lies. lied.

'i wont waste my words on u. enough.
-eeda

Steer back.

im blah.

aayla says write about The Kinks. kinky. kinksy. kink-si.
i wonder what a kink looks like.

i met up with Ezzie..apparently the reason why he's been lost/uncommunicative/distant/idiotic is cuz he thought i ditched him for my other friends.....anddd vice versa..
u know whuts funny? my d key isnt working so i had to edit the post to put the d's.
let me repeat how the sentence before read without the d's
''apparently the reason why he's been lost is cuz he thought i itched him for my other friens.''
yes. i like itching people to death until they don't talk to me anymore.
hey you, wanna be My friend?
*itch.

oh, and eye twitch. make it freakier.

i talked to one of my blog's stalkers. it was, aside from bein' highly creepy, entertaining to know the kind of crowd i attract here. weirdos ofcourse.
hey ali, don't kill me.

i love jude law. i wanna watch Alfie.
(it's cuz i saw a poster somewhere that said 'Alife' and t reminded me.)

and i talked to doray. and tommy. and nazia. and shawz. and rima. and armie. and ezra.
not all of it went well. atleast it went.
sometimes that's all u need.

Cllllooooooo-ssssssureeeeeeee.
sure sure.

and now for the ' that's what she said' part.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

its in the way he says he loves
its never enough

Posted by Zh. at 10:07 AM

here for the author. good good stuff. again.



enuf for now.over and out.
-eeda.

Coincidence.

I was JUST thinking of golf.
guess who just came online?

ahan. yes. very weird.
*smacks head.

I wanna think that you were just

a fragment

of my imagination.

stomach hurts. i just tried one of uncle's experiments at making Qorma.
tasted AWESOME. .mirchi like Red Savina Habaneros ground togther.
that, btw, is the world's hottest spice
OFCOURSE i'm exaggerating. haven't u figured that much out already? see 'Hyperbole' for further details.
and oh, Qorma with a capital Q. that, in my books, is THE shit.
ahan

and now, back to the world.

eeda says:
hi hi hi
TW: Runaway! says:
oh my goodness
TW: Runaway! says:
you exist!
eeda says:
HAhahahahaaa
eeda says:
yes i tend to do that from time to time.

and now.and today. we heal.

and that was just one of them all.

let me go make amends with the world.
'cuz that again, is how we roll.Dawg-ter.

(did son before. can't do it again. keep the equality obv.)

kuch na kaho. for drug. and for silence that speaks the unspeakable. a thousand words unspoken..and what u don't know, are the things i leave unsaid.

to which doray replies.
Disconnection is not my fault says:
people who don't understand your silence don't deserve your words

as much as that girl annoys the shiat out of me, i hav to admit she IS smart.

and oh, i found this statement rung a few true bells with me.

''Ten days on, and I still check feedjit for who dropped by to read my masterpiece rants.
Self love indeed is a lifetime romance''
check here for the author.
good stuff good stuff.

and oh, since we're doin other's words..another quote by my 20 yr old highschool drop out frnd..he stuns me with his words sumtimes.

jetblackE36 (3:46:52 AM): did i ever tell you

jetblack E36 (3:47:13 AM): that i believe the way you feel about others, should be irrelevant to how they feel about you?

anyways, enuf for now.

-laterrrr!
eeda