Blah

had too much in mi mind..just had to let it all out in one short random post tht dint make any sense...

in 8 hours, i have mi final philosphy paper..i have no idea whut is whut, who is who , who said what.....its just a big jumbled mess of weird sounding names ...epiphenomenalism and interactive dualism and realistic rationalism and idealistic empiricism......sounds chinese? yeh, to me too..
ezra says' you must focus'
haha..always the sane voice of calm...i miss him..talked to him yesterday and poor things stressed out too.....cooped up in his house..haha....well, it had his benefits,,he got a bloodi 97 in his Math Final...no kidding...he's such a hidden nerd.....
hmm..tomorow right after exam i have to rush to the french embassy downtown and see about mi passort....mi flishts at 4 am the very same night/ next day..i need to get shoes for khadeeja, and exchange a slightly expensive bra i got for miself which despite being mi size is way too tight.....and its at the other end of the world..and i need to buy snacks and all for mi flight..IF iget the visa..if i dont, then i need to call cheaptickets headoffice US and ask them for changing mi seat to the 17th, adding in areturn ticket via geneva-paris-montreal-vancouver and continue to do shopping..

and oh, lunch with patrick at downtown..again...but dont go feeeling im in luv with him or w/em cuz hes a MAJOR asshole..proven by the fact tht he wrote me a v stupid and a v hurtful email yesterday.....if armie wasnt online at tht time and hadnt helped me vent it off, i wudve burst out crying and gone back to bein depressed and all....all this for an incident about 3 days ago..wen ijus sent an offline msg to him saying hie and asking whut he ws upto and hw his econ exam went..and he replied..and said he din;t want to talk..and i said ill ttyl then.....
anyways, the email is ahead, i wont say nething about it after this point..he's a major pain,the email was completly uncalled for, he's an effin idiot for a 24 yr old guy who ranks 18th in the world for solving complex whutevers...... i don't why im even bothering..or whut im getting out of it...i thought hed cancel the lunch thng after this, but he didnt..and ttht pisses me off...w/e..its the last day..and i AM gonna tell him how much hes an ass tomorow...honestly......and it WONT' b nice......not at all.....


Dear Fareeda,

In case you are still interested in what I did yesterday:

Got up at 3am, chat with friends in Vietnam, competed on TopCoder and lost 50 points, went to my ex-gf to pick up my stuff and give back her stuff. She was at work and I could not find my stuff. Went home, filled in Visa application, cleaned-up dishes, cleaned the floor, went to Thang's place to get my money from the laptops, worked on my report, cooked and eat by myself..

This is about all what I remember.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your definition of friend means more than mine. It seems that you require to know what your friend do and feel everyday. It is a huge commitment and time consumming, too.

I have a commitment issue. Now, I get annoyed and scared if I get too close to someone. Moreover, I am very vulnerable, hurt, and weak. Furthermore, I do not know how to share my emotion, no one has ever taught me and I am not capable of findind it out, now, but I will.

I appreciate that you helped me to get through my tough time, and you have always been online for me when I needed a friend most. And, if you really want to be my friend, please, respect my boundaries. Oops, I have not given you the book. My fault !!!

I have been taking your help and support for granted, and I am fully aware that I am hurting your feelings very badly. However, I do not see any other way to resolve this. Please, forgive me.

Your sincerely,

Patrick

and whut else.....abus extended family and friends are complaining that i havent called anyone since i got here, and im an irresponsible lil whutever..at first thought , it made mi blood boil...cuz they didn understand how busy id been..but then i thought wen iws their age and id hav looked aftr sumone for 3 days and all, id hav expected her to atleast gimme one phonecall in 3 months..so im all embarrased now..and thinking of stunning , mind-defying excuses that they cudn possibly argue with.........tough roads ahead..and thts an understatement
whut else..need t buy a suitcase but mi uncles gonna do tht for me..i swear i dunno whut id do without them..ive been a real mess, moody and not helping round the house, crying and an emotional wreck...its way more than whut mi aunt bargained for..im sure....i wanted it to be so different..i wanted to be so perfect for them...no problems at all...but i being a pain in the arse, and i know it ,,and i wish i could change it but i can't,,and its pissing me off....

need to iron out all mi clothes for the trip tomorow..pack underwear, and scarves and clothes and sunscreen,,and ponytails...books....hmmm....clean mi room,,,.......oh btw, rima im sending a few things for u with mi mum, dnt worry,,its a coupla cards and a small bday gift...if we eevr do meet..and sandy and armie and all i need ur home addresses so i cant atleast send u sum letters too.....don't go, awww u dont need to..I DO..ok..no arguments..

ps sandy, i wont b here on ur bday, will hav no net access so here's a BIG HAPPY BDAYYYYY in advance to u incase i cant send a card and all in time...luv u loads huney..loads loads loadssss...hope u hav a BLAST cuz u deserve it..ad hope this year brings u everything u ever dreamt of....ok, mayb not anas.....hahahaha..u deserve better than him......prince charming on a pink horse singing Belly Dancer...bwahahaha.......

i missed a meeting with mi business courses advisor today cuz i set the alarm clock to 7 pm instead of am...laugh it off..ahaha..the next ones not due till 7 th of sept..the onli other way os to call or hav a live chat..but im leaving tomorow anyways..so mi next semesters courses are screwed..majorly screwed.///2 of them r on the waiting list and i cat swap cuz mi stupid enrollment account won;t let me..and the onli way to fix that is to call except noone ever picks up the effin helpline...

do i even realise how big of a mess im in?
i dont't think i do/...i wish i did..but mi brain stopped functioning a while back..
wait, how do i know i eeven HAV a brain isn't that like saying im a physicalist as opposed to a interactive dualist? wtfffffffffffff......hahaha
Its back to philosphy then.....haha

lov u guys.....
thanx for putttin up with my numerous, childish, random , emotional, gooey, whutever tantrums and rants of blah blah blah in my dark and difficult times..hahaha =P
it's appreciated...

good luck to me for tomrow...