this post is kinda random.
neeli would hyperventilate if i didnt.
oops, sorry.
neelo.
hahahahahahahahahaah..




nadir tells me it seemed i was happy while i was there.
he tells me i was MUCH happier while i was there.
i WAS happier.
much much much.

no boundaries, except my own. no limits, except my own.
i did as i pleased.
i jogged up and down the hill in the rain and got soaked.
between dewy leaves and pearly flowers glistening, smiling, dancing to the
whisper of the wind, caressing, engulfing , submerging me
in peace.
and everywhere i looked up i saw rainbows.

Thank you Allah for letting me have those 6 weeks.

I feel riotous. but in a calmed way.

an eternal sadness in the eyes.

I cooked. was still trying to finish it up when khalu came in. peered over. disapproved. told me he'd fix it. took charge.
he told khala i messed it and gave up and he had to do the fixing.
i wasn't done. u forcefully took over.
Nobody ASKED you to.

i hate hypocrisy.
loathe despise abhor

( 2 hours later) what did i tell u? khala comes home and rubs in the fact that i cant cook a decent thing straight.
yes khala its sad. its sadder that i wasnt even allowed to try.
what else is sad....hm..
she has issues with me going to two iftars.
and eid parties too im sure, wait till those roll around.
there's no point looking forward to anything right now. at all.

you got me in a chokehold.

Hold.

choke.

choke more.

check me.

life line.

check mate.

hate blind
cursed fate
fake case
suffa cate.
catch phrase
e rase
caught breath
brain dead
dread lock
lock down.
down cold
choke hold.

o, and i love lavender.

i also love it when i wake up to your phone call.

and i love rainbows and hot showers and i love whispered conversations at 5 am insisting that it's time you got out of bed and went to work and i love when you call me during your break and i love rain and i love when the sky is blue grey black and every color in between and i love sticking my head out the window and just.
breathing.

-end ramble-

Question.
would you rather have someone rotten on the inside, 'sane' on the outside,
or
sane on the inside, and rotten on the outside?


fodder for thought.
study time.
must.not.procrastinate.

x0
-eeda.

ps.
yes that masked figure in the picture with NO sense of colour-coding clothes IS me. (alliteration not intended). i was in my pajamas jeesh.
and no i didnt look decent enough for you to look at me.
and no im not part of some stringent Taliban group which makes me wear a full face black niqab either.

thought i'd clarify that.
hum de dum do do dah..