what it feels like/losing my mind

anxiety feels like having too many tabs open in your mind with jammed scripts
it feels like giving the dials to radio transistors to a child, multiple frequencies and voices blaring in your mind at different volumes at once
it feels like a tightness in your chest like having an invisible rubber band around your upper ribcage
it feels like a 30lb stone sitting in the middle of your lungs
it feels like breathing deeper and still feeling like you're drowning because you don't have enough oxygen
it feels like a migraine
it feels like a taut smile
it feels like forgetting a 10:00am call is actually at 10:30am
it feels like waking up after a night full of rushed worried stressful dreams only to realize that reality is no relief either
it feels like running a marathon in your sleep and running one while you're awake
it feels like rolling up a boulder with both shoulders up a steep incline, only to have it roll down again when you stop to take a breather
it feels like inadequacy
it feels like disorder
it feels like things being out of array
it feels like lack of control
it feels like wanting to crawl into a blanket and not coming out because of sheer muscle exhaustion
mental and emotional and physical
it feels like wanting to smile but not having the energy to
it feels like wanting to cry but not having the energy to
it feels like today
right now. this minute.
it feels like isolation. it feels like loneliness
it feels like being in the middle of a desert without a map at night

it feels right now,

like me.

-eeda