my bad!!!

im
bein' the Stranger
bein' the Me
wanting too much
that i can never Be.

sum days start out right .....sum dont................ today was an okay day..the weather was rainy and wet, i missed the bus, was late fro class by 15 mins and other bad news which im about to explain..............so yh i meet pat and i ask abt his offer for firday and if it still stands..he says yes, i say okay then ill see the movie with u...but its class so we cant talk much...after class we roam around alot,,,,andddddddddddddddddddddd i ask about him whther he has a gf or nott...ANDDDDDDDDDDDD he does!!!! :(:(:(:(:((:(....talk abt makin a fool of miself......and thn later on i read mi horoscope on facebook and its like -be wary of a newperson entering ur life,,,its not tht u cant trust them, u might bot b able to trust urself.'' i mean how true cud u get...ufffffff.....................i mistook his chivalry for flirtin,,,all tht 'lemme hold ur bag for ', and his openin doors for me and paying for mi lunch and walkin me to class and all..i dunno WHUT i was thinkin....anyways,,,im still goin with him to see pirattes of the carribean or whutevers playin at around 12 or 1 ish on friday afternoon,,,,we're gnna meet up at metrotown station and go to the mall ther...........
.whut else happened.....well yeh he told me alot abt himself and his family and his gf,,shes 16 and still in high school, hes 24 btw.................and well theyve been goin out for 8 months and well after the first 2 weeks he wanted to break up with her because as he says, every gurl has the same problem with him,,,,,he never has time for them,..and she was the same..so he wanted to quit early bt turns out her mums divorcin her stepdad at tht time, and her mums like a gambler.....and shes like indebted like for about 200grand..........and thts pretty crazy..so the gurl has to fight off guys comin back for the money and stoppin her mum frm sellin evrything and studies and exams and her mother tellin her abt her suicide attempt and all...thats pretty tough for a gurl..in sum abstract way,,,i can relate to her................but no more details abt that here..

..in any case ,he says if he breaks up ,it'll b like killin her..shes totalli reliant on him,,,so yh,he's stuck.i told rima abt this and shes like mayb he does like u but is in a relationship ant cant get out of it,,,but check this out....i ask him if theres any other gurl hed consider dating,,or so on and hes like 'two..i cnt handle 2,' so yh....i dunno..anyways thts the end of tht aite.............i mean u knw jus for a second wen i came here i thought here,itd be different,,theyd see me for whut i am and not stop at the scarf..i mean okay, maybe it IS hypocritical but hello, im a girl too,,i have a heart and whutever goes with it........u knw like every morning u hav this Reason to dress up nice, wear makeup, make sure u look all pretty so u look nice to Someone...i mean Someone appreciates the effort bt yh ths how id foolishly started thinkin wen i came here.....tht i cn b all nice lookin tooo..i mean who was i fooling, this kinda thinkin got me nowher in the past and its gttin me nowher now,,,,, today was mi reality-check..mi Crash,Boom,Bang,Oops-I-Made-a-Mistake day...........ive got to stop thinkin it can happen, ...love i mean..........or any sort of attraction..its Not happenin...i can onli be sumones good frnd, or best frnd as i am to countless people...bt theres where it stops............ugh, too much thick talk,,,,but im glad mi idealistic spell is over,,,mi Sanity is creepin back............yh
hm............
.all ths trash aside..whut else happened today......................oh yh i ate ham by mistake....hahaha...i got a slice of veggie pizza and i ate it and i was like there is definitely sum meat in here..so pat has a look and hes like thts definitely ham..i go and ask the cook and shes like no no its veggie,,,bt i hav another look at the pizza and i swear theres NO veggie tht can impersonate meat that well.....i take mi plate to her and shes like 'Oh my..How did that happen?'' like oh HELL YEH!!! some one gotta b explainin sumthin to me...while she made me another pizza i proceeded on to be very nauseous..i mean ew ew ew...for the ppl who're thinkin ive gone insane, im not allowed to eat ham under any condition..its a religious thng....anyway i then got mi ham-free pizza and it was all good agaiin...........
thnnnnnnnnnnn it was time for class and while i was walkin aorund for pat, we walked into ezra..i introdueced the two, said goodbye to pat, walk back to class with ez........class was okay.....alot of fun actualli..i was bein mi usual nerdy self after a long time........asking questions again and again and again,,hahaha...sum ppl wudve been very annoyed....being the 'teachers pet' again..i mean i talk the most in class, get disruptive, shes gets mad and she STILL likes me...its a curse, im NOT bein proud here or arrogant...ez said so,...'she Likessssssssssss u''arghhhhhhhhhhhh..its the Curse of the teacher's-petness.......u can run but U Cant Hide....hahaha..
anyways..we got our essays bak...i did okay, surprisingly..got an over good for most thngs..so im all happy about tht...one thng tht went right aftr the long long day,,,,,,,thn we had a debate abt sumthin and socrates guy was bein an ass again.......i swear its not tht hes an ass, its jus tht hes TOO clever for us,,,like gribo got whut he was sayin and tried to explain it to us but because we ended up arguing the whole time we never got much written down..i slated in the last two lines as conclusion so i hope the other group can make sum sense of our argument...but anyways,,,class ends, i walk ezra to his class again..I mean, how DESPERATE is that? its jus tht i dunno,,hes great company,,,,and its fun talkin to him and i always realli have nuthin better to do..he does say that im the 'guy' in the relationship, wlakin him to class and all..i think i wrote this in mi second blog..anyways.........i say goodbye to him and go to the student services center to withdraw sum cash frm the atm and i run into..........Patrick,yes......i swear i have so mani weird coincidences with these two,its not even funni...i mean in the HUGE university with over 6000 students and its ALWAYS patrick or ezra i run into......haha.
.anyways pats like im goin home too so we can go togther..we walk to his lab and he runs to get his bag frm ther,,then we go back home togther ..nuthin much happens...we talk abt family planning and all,,his ex's,,whose he gonna marry wen he grows up, who am i gonna marry etc etc..........andddddd whut else..he also gave me a memory disk which has sum of his the books he likes in audio format,,,like audibooks?!!?!?! to listen to..now tell me, wudnt any sane,rational gurl....okay slightly neurotic gurl ,,,,jus like i am.....thnk tht ths is obvious flirting.is it? or is it just friendliness to tell sumone all abt ureslef, ur parents,ur family,ur history,who u are and arent,,,he is a recluse kind of person and says sumtimes he cant belive whut he ends up tellin me....i dunno...this is jus weirdddddd..............
..anywayssssss...............mi aunt jus came into mi room...2 seconds ago..today she didn hav a peek at mi laptop,thank god...........thngs are changing...all good ....................
yeh and aunt and uncle are goin for camping at the end of his month,and draggin me along with them...its abt tht same time i have mi midterm exams so thts provin a teensy tinnsy lil problem,cuz they wnna drag me along and tell me u can study ther...well does tht ever happen? im askin them to leave me home but aunts not convinced and ofcourse im not suprised.......i might burn her house over or sumthin..hahahaha...or gttin broken into, God forbid.so yh,mums said to leave me at Mani aunts..khalas frnd here whose more frnds with mum and dad and whse parents are mi grandparents frnds and our neighbours in karachi...so yeh,,,letsee where this leads to./...
whut other lil thng..........................im gttin struck by mi poetic inspiration fits again..nuthin good and creative has come out of it tho..jus random lil one or two-liners...like the one at the top of the page or the one which followswhich i wrote in reply to mi uncle goin on and on about vancouver's great and all..

'they say its the best place in the world'
But it means nuthing to me
It ain't my home, that ain't my beach,
'cuz that Special, they just can Never be.

its not particularly well written and can do with a lot of work but it is true...i see the sunsets here and the beaches and all and theyre picture perfect...its like being in a postcard,,honestly.......THAT beautifulll......but its not special,,its not MINE,,,,and its not home...home is where mi mum and dad are,,,mi sis and mi bro,,mi school,,mi frnds....rima,sandy and armie and dj and al..even tho theyre not ther and they might not call home but it is Home for me cuz thts wher i had the best time of mi life....i love tht dictator and corruption ridden place with its weird lil manner-isms and all...and itll always always b very close to mi heart...and Nuthing, no beautiful mountains or lakes or highrise buildings or whutever can overcome tht......

thts all for today now..letsee whut tomorrow brings..............